Page 65 of The Baller

So far I hadn’t been sick, but it was anyone’s guess how long I’d be able to hold it. It was taking all my concentration not to focus on the empty churning in my belly. I wasn’t sure if my belly was even in my body any more, or if it had plummeted to the floor.

I only needed to hang on until Lux got here. I only needed to keep my shit together for as long as it took him to walk through the doors and join me. Then it would be okay.

I would be okay.

Keep it together, Radley. Keep it together.

My eyes stayed trained on the door. Short sharp breaths burst from my chest while I rode the wave and tried to stop myself from drowning. I barely blinked through the two moms with strollers, the couple who couldn’t keep their hands off each other, or the regal-looking lady with her fresh blow out and carrying a tiny dog in her Birkin.

Finally, Lux arrived. Tall, strong. My lighthouse in the storm I was currently navigating.

I would be okay.

He spotted me immediately and the broad smile he was wearing – the beautiful, carefree smile he always wore when he looked at me – died. Fast enough to be as quick as he could, but not enough that he would cause a scene, he powered over to me. He looked so impossibly handsome with his thick hair curling under the rim of his ball cap, and his pale blue cable-knit sweater bringing out the hazel of his eyes, that I’d run into his arms if I wasn’t frozen in place.

I couldn’t tell you when the tears had started, but I knew they were in full, silent flow when he dropped down to his knees, stiller than I’d ever seen him.

“Radley?” he whispered. “Radley, baby, look at me.”

Somehow, I willed my head to turn, to defrost it from the state it was stuck in, and through the ringing in my ears, I heard the sharpness of Lux’s inhale.

“I’m going to get us out of here, but I need you to let go of the chair arms.” He softly placed his hand over mine, his long fingers curling around my fingers and gently easing the grip I hadn’t realized I had, and pulled me to standing.

His hands were a vice once they took hold of mine, they squeezed tight and never let go. “Come on, I’ve got you. One foot in front of the other, and I’m going to put you in my car so I can take you back to my place, okay?”

I nodded, because anywhere was better than here. And as long as I was far,faraway from the guys at the table behind, I didn’t care where I went.

Lux kept hold of my hand, but somehow contorted himself so that he was also wrapped around me, while his free hand jogged the table where Ethan and Jake were sitting.

Both of them shot to standing as we approached.

“Didn’t either of you dipshits notice she’s on the verge of a panic attack? Thought you were supposed to be protection. Some fucking protection,” Lux growled.

Ethan eyes widened while Jake reached out to touch me, but Lux pulled me out of his reach.

“Do what you gotta do but I’m taking her out of here and we’re going back to my place. You can follow.”

They didn’t get a backward glance as Lux swept me out of the restaurant to where his car was still parked with the valet. This man, this giant man, who could likely crush a baseball with a bare fist if he wanted to, but was so incredibly gentle when he pulled the seatbelt over my body and kissed my cheek.

He slid into his seat and waited, one hand resting on my thigh. Only once the guys had pulled up beside us and he’d slipped into the traffic ahead of them, did the sobs I’d been swallowing with all my might rip through me like an exorcism.

Heaving, rasping sobs were wrenched from the pit of my belly. I could barely breathe from the relief at being away from that place. At being safe. Over and over they burst forth, one garbled cry after another, going through the motions until I realized Lux was speaking.

“Radley, find three things. Can you do that? What three things can you see?” The softness in his tone had vanished. Instead, the order was loud and clear.

It was his tone that brought me back to the present. It was enough to allow my heaving breaths to subside, and my cries to quiet so I could listen to his command. Three things. It was something Doctor Jessops had given me as an exercise when I had my very first panic attack.

I could do that.

“Steering wheel…” I hiccupped through the word, trying my hardest to breathe at the same time.

“Good. Two more.”

“Coffee cup.”

Lux’s eyes flicked to the center console where an empty cup lay, while I tried to find one more thing. My eyes landed on him.

“You.”

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