Page 121 of The Baller

I took a deep breath, and turned the knob.

Here goes nothing, Radley. Don’t back down.

I walked in.

Fuckwas my first thought. She wasn’t alone.

My dad, and Special Agent Rob Heynes, the head of my mom’s detail, were sitting on the couches set off the center of the room. My mom sat next to my dad. I assumed she thought the couches would be less intimidating than being at her desk; more cozy, more casual.

They weren’t.

“Hi, Sweetie,” she greeted, standing up and rushing over, halting right before she pulled me into a hug. “Oh my God, look at your hand… Michael,” she yelled through the still open door, “can we get the medic in here?”

I snatched my hand back. “I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong with my hand. Lux treated it.”

“Radley, it’s bruised and cut,” she replied, in a tone she rarely used with me; stern, firm, not one to be messed with. Her hand stayed on my back as she guided me to sit, like she was afraid I might bolt. Let me tell you, it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. “Come and sit down, please. We need to talk with you.”

When we moved in, my mom had the Oval Office re-decorated. The walls changed from yellow to pale blue, and she’d asked for my input in the furniture. I’d wanted cream and navy striped couches because they looked chic, and made me think of Paris for no other reason than it was somewhere I’d always wanted to visit. I’d sat on this couch dozens of times, but it had always been on quick visits, when I was dropping in to say hi. I’d never really properly looked around.

The Oval Office; the epicenter of America’s political landscape.

Long cream drapes bordered each window, and for the eleven months of the year when the Christmas tree wasn’t in the corner, a pair of matching striped wingback chairs were positioned against the wall. A third large leather chair stood behind my mom’s desk; The Resolute Desk, made from the timber of H.M.S. Resolute, immediately taking me back to that first date with Lux at Asher’s bookstore.

The day I’d spent an hour deciding what to wear and changed my clothes three times.

I’d been so nervous I’d wanted to bail. But just like he still did, he put me at ease immediately. He quieted the voices in my head, and the storm raging in my belly. He made me laugh. He bolstered my confidence and instilled a sense of self-belief I’d never had before.

Three frames sat on the desk. Even though they were turned away, I knew what was in them; a photo of my mom and dad, a photo of the five of us and Mr. Snuggles on our vacation in Yellowstone, and one of Ben, Henry, and me. While the rest of her personal photos were on the curved table against the back wall, she kept those three on her desk ‘as a reminder of how she got to the White House’ she’d said, when I asked one day why she hadn’t put them with the rest of the pictures.

“Hi, baby.” My dad stood up, kissing my cheek. “Sit next to me.”

I sat, and waited. And waited some more. “Well, who’s going first then?”

“Radley…” My dad’s tone held just as much warning as my mom’s had.

“What? I know why I’m here, except I alsodon’tknow why I’m here. I don’t know why Lux isn’t here too, seeing as he was with me, and we were all supposed to be having a family dinner tonight.”

I didn’t appreciate the way my mom looked at my dad before she focused on me. “We thought it was better to talk to you alone. That’s not to say we won’t meet Lux another day, but after what happened today…” she trailed off.

“You mean when I was in the lobby of the Four Seasons where Christopher Ellington happened to notice me, and Lux stepped in.”

“Then how did you end up punching him?” she shot back. “Not to mention where were your agents? Someone could have seen you; someone could have videoed you again.”

“Jake and Ethan were right there with me, and I punched him because he deserved it.”

“Radley, you can’t go around punching people.”

“Christopher Ellington isn’t people,” I snarled, biting back the tears of injustice thickening my throat. “He’s a piece of shit who nearly destroyed my life, and violated my privacy in the worst possible way. What happened this morning was the culmination of nearly two years of anger, hurt, and betrayal.”

“I know, Radley. I know,” she snapped back. “I was the one holding you every night when you cried yourself to sleep or woke up with nightmares. Don’t think I don’t remember.”

I took a breath; a deep, heavy, painful breath, because carrying the knowledge of the hurt I’d caused them still made my bones ache. But I also knew that I was trying my best, and trying my best meant no longer hiding.

“We don’t want you to ever be put in that position again. We don’t want him, or anyone, getting close enough to provoke you.”

I found myself tugging on Holiday’s clover. “Mom, nothing happened. He wasn’t some random guy, there was a reason he came up to me.”

Agent Heynes leaned forward. “Special Agent Riley said you handled yourself very well.”

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