Page 106 of The Baller

The second I closed the door, my hands were shaking so violently it took me four tries to secure the lock. Hot, silent tears streamed down my face as I sobbed as quietly as I could. With each heave of my chest, the fear I’d been storing released a little bit more. The wedge of panic eased itself out. The tears diluted the adrenaline coursing through me, until the endorphins resumed their position and I could breathe.

I’d done it. I’d come to the gym by myself. I stood upfor myself, and I would live to tell the tale – as soon as I was done shaking, that is.

My skin was still too sweaty, my cheeks too red for anyone to notice I’d been crying, and the girl at the sink barely noticed me at all when I moved next to her to wash my hands.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have videoed you.”

I spun around as I stepped back into the hallway to find one of the Columbia Soccer guys standing outside.

His hands were pushed deep into his pockets, his head bobbing while he spoke, like a weird little doll. “I deleted it.”

He stood there staring at me. If he was waiting for a thanks, he’d be waiting a long time.

“You run really fast,” he added, his eyes flicking to the side as Meg and Ava silently moved next to me; Meg holding out my bag and puffer coat.

“I ran track.”

“Wow, it’s paid off.” He smiled in a way he probably thought was cute, but it was nothing but creepy, especially as his hands were still in his pockets. “Maybe I can take you out sometime, apologize again.”

Behind me, Meg scoffed quietly and it took all my strength not to laugh in his face. “I have a boyfriend, but thanks for asking. And as a word of caution,again, don’t video or photograph girls without their permission.” I walked away without looking back. It was taking all my concentration to hold in the smile as I zipped up my jacket and pushed through the doors into the freezing cold air where I found Millie waiting.

I could have been a rainbow for all the happiness which burst out of me as I spotted her. What I’d accomplished was so minor, but so major at the same time.

“Hey!” I roped her into a hug, forcing her to jump up and down with me as I squeezed her tight. I may have squealed.

“Good workout then?” she grinned.

“Yes, but more than that… God, I’m on such a rush. No wonder people go bungee jumping or skydiving or whatever. I feel like I could do anything.”

Millie’s face was all confusion as we stopped jumping. “You want to go bungee jumping now?”

“No.” I rolled my eyes. “God, no. Absolutely not. I would die. Literally. I just mean this rush I’m feeling.” I grabbed my chest. “I can see why it’s addictive.”

Millie looped her arm through mine and set us off walking back to the dorm. “You want to start from the beginning, Rad?”

“I ran my fastest time in ages,” I grinned, “since school, I think.”

“Hey, well done. That’s awesome.”

“Yeah, but more than that, the cardio floor filled up with frat boys, and I caught one of them taking a picture, and I yelled… well, not yelled… but I told him to go fuck himself. Kind of, I didn’t say ‘fuck’.” I was too excited to be able to properly string a sentence together.

Millie stopped us walking. “You saw someone taking a photo and you told them not to? Is that what you’re saying?”

“YES!” I pumped my fists in the air, Rocky style. Fuck, I felt amazing! “And then he apologized and asked me on a date.”

“What?” Millie’s mouth dropped and she glanced over at Meg.

“It’s true, she was awesome. Ava and I stayed in the background the whole time.”

“Holy shit. Holy shit!” Millie squealed just as loudly as I had, and the two of us set off jumping again. “This is incredible. You’re Radley Badley!”

“Yeah, I’m finally the badass.”

“You’ve always been the badass.”

I looped her arm through mine again, asking, “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Waiting for you, just in case the workout wasn’t so great. I didn’t want you to walk out and feel you know… whatever.” She shrugged,being uncharacteristically coy. “I wanted you to know you’d still done something awesome, but I see I didn’t need to.”

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