Page 74 of The Shake Off

I huffed loudly, making Beulah grin. She arched one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows, and if eyebrows could talk, hers would be shouting ‘Just Say No’.

But I seemed to have lost my ability to say no, and I couldn’t explain why. Just like I couldn’t explain how the sex with Ace had gone from zero to OhMyFuckingGod.

“How can you be so down about having great sex?”

“I dunno. It feels a little… transactional. I’m his experiment, and he’s helping me get a job I want because I don’t seem to be able to get it on my own,” I grumbled. “I’m still pissed about this party I got invited to, but only because Ace decided to turn up to my office. I can’t have him hanging around every time I want to get ahead in my career.”

“Can’t you go without him?”

I shook my head. “I daren’t. It’s a big deal. It’s the type of event people cancel vacation plans to attend. She hosts it every summer. It’s always at her townhouse, and it’s like thirty of the most influential people in publishing and literature. Nobel Prize winners and laureates, that sort of thing. I’m sure I only got invited because of Ace. If I say he can’t go, I’ll get disinvited.”

“Really?” frowned Lowe, walking out of her dressing room. “It’sthatbig of a deal?”

I fixed her with a look so she could see exactly how serious I was. “This is my Met Gala.”

Lowe’s eyes widened, and her mouth dropped open. Now she understood. “Okay, say no more. We definitely have to go shopping for it then. When is it?”

“In a few weeks.”

“You only have to sleep with Ace until then?”

“I guess,” I sighed.

Beulah threw her head back and laughed at the expression on Marnie’s face. In fact, the expression on all of their faces. Even I couldn’t help but crack a little smile.

“It’s just such a long time!”

“This is only because it’s the longest you’ve ever spent with one guy since college,” Kit remarked, picking up the store bag of her purchases, tied together with a neat little black ribbon.

Marnie’s brows shot up. “You’ve never had a long-term relationship?”

I shook my head. “Nope. Not since my college boyfriend, Deacon, but that was never going to go anywhere so it felt okay. But we’re older now, and after seeing what my parents went through… are still going through…” I shuddered. “No thanks. My motto is have fun, move on. I don’t want a marriage that ends in divorce.”

Unfortunately, the champagne I’d drunk this morning caused the rest of my thoughts to surface, the ones I usually shoved as far down as possible. Aside from Kit and my therapist, no one here needed to know that I avoided relationships because I wasn’t sure I had the capacity for them. The capacity to love someone.

Because if I don’t ever allow myself to fall in love, then I won’t ever get hurt.

Marnie smiled softly. “I can empathize. Hopefully my first one will counter-balance Jupiter.”

I always forgot Marnie had been married before she’d come to New York; before Penn set in motion the events which brought her and Jupiter back together. I picked up her left hand, bringing her huge engagement ring to the light so it sparkled even more than it normally did, and smiled. “I’d say this counter-balances divorce. Now can we change the subject, please?”

“Sure, what do you want to talk about?” Lowe asked, handing her credit card over to a very smug looking clerk who was clearly on commission.

I shrugged. “Anything except Ace Watson or baseball. They’re off limits for the rest of the day.”

The four of them looked at each other, like they were having difficulty thinking of a subject besides Ace Watson and baseball. Then Kit’s eyes lit up, and she leaned forward with a whisper.

“I have something, but let’s wait until we’ve paid and we’re outside.”

Ten minutes later, we walked into the bright New York sunshine, store bags swinging from our hands, except for Lowe, who’d bought so much it was being delivered to her apartment later this afternoon. The Saturday streets were now bustling with shoppers and brunchers, and those who’d clearly only just surfaced for the first time after too much partying the night before.

April was turning into May, bringing with it the start of warmer days, and I whipped off my sweater which had been protecting me from the store’s intense A/C setting.

“Come on then,” said Beulah, nudging Kit. “What’s this news?”

“Oh, yes.” Kit peered over each shoulder to double check there was no one nearby to hear her. “Radley Andrews is starting Columbia in the fall.”

It wasn’t what I thought she was going to say, but it beat talking about baseball.

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