Page 120 of The Shake Off

Not Mike from Midtown who worked in advertising.

Not Billy from Williamsburg who owned a cold brew company – and I loved cold brew.

None of them.

Dating apps had been ruined by a six-foot-three baseball player I never wanted to have more than one night with.

“How much ice cream did you eat?” asked Kit.

I grinned. “I’m not sharing that figure.”

“What are you going to do?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I was pretty rude to him. Actually, I was very rude. I was hideous. A bitch, basically.”

I wasn’t sure I could even blame my hangover.

“Have you heard from him?”

I shook my head. For the first time since we’d had sex the second time, I hadn’t heard from him every day, and my life felt a little quieter because of it. I missed the way he made me laugh. I missed the way he talked about our days as I got dressed. I missed the way he made me feel.

I missed him.

“He told me to call him once I’d got my head unstuck from my ass.”

Kit stifled a laugh, and I couldn’t even bring myself to glare at her because she was right. Ace was right.

“He sounds perfect,” she smirked. “Pay, would it really be so bad? Loving someone and letting them love you back? Falling in love is the best feeling in the world.”

“I don’t know. It’s so hard. I want to, I really do… But then what if he leaves me, or we end up hating each other?”

What if he breaks my heart?

“If he leaves you then we’ll deal with it, like you would help me deal if Murray left me.”

I scoffed. There was a greater chance of the sky falling in than Murray leaving Kit. The man was obsessed.

“Pay, you’d survive. You’d be stronger for it.”

“My mom isn’t.”

“You are not your mom!” Kit gritted. “You’re a strong, independent woman with an incredible job and an awesome life. Your mom didn’t have those things when she met your dad. If you and Ace broke up you would see how strong you are, but you can’t keep shutting yourself off just because you don’t want to become a statistic.”

“I guess I just always thought it would be easier to be alone.”

“Being with someone doesn’t mean that you have to become one person, you still have your independence.”

I was an intelligent woman. Ididhave an incredible job and awesome life. Yet the one relationship model I grew up with was my parents’, and no matter how smart I thought I might be, it had influenced my entire life, and it never occurred to me things could be different – even when I saw them in my friends.

However, I was good at proving people wrong. Perhaps this time, that person could be myself.

“Maybe you’re right.”

“I am, now what are we doing about Penn?”

“I’m not sure there’s anything I can do.”

“You can tell him to go fuck himself. He doesn’t get to dictate who you date.”

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