Page 135 of The Third Baseman

“Marnie, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I know I broke your heart, and I’m begging your forgiveness to mend it. I’m not going to apologize for why I did it.”

Thankfully her eyes flared again. The anger was back. It was easier to deal with her when she was angry.

“OF COURSE YOU WON’T! BACK TO THE SAME GODDAMN ARGUMENT!”

“NO! IT’S NOT! You broke our pact! You lied! You owe me as much of an apology!”

“I didn’t know where you’d end up. You wanted The Dodgers, but they didn’t have first pick. You could have gone anywhere, and I wasn’t going to risk it!”

I wished my dick would ignore the way her boobs bounced when she threw her hands in the air.

“You were giving up your career!”

“No, I wasn’t! I was giving myself options!” she spat out, like I should have realized all along. “It was the same course at CalTech. It was the same course just on the other side of the country, so wherever you went, I would pick the closest.”

My jaw popped so hard I could feel my back teeth ripping from the root. “No, Marnie, it wasn’t the same course. I checked.”

“What?”

I swigged my water, willing some calm to return. I didn’t have the fight in me if she was going to keep lying, or maybe she’d convinced herself of an alternate truth. “It wasn’t the same course. You were postponing a year, and then downgrading.”

“I was sixteen! I was completely in love with you, and I wasn’t ready to be three thousand miles apart. Sixteen, Jupiter!”

From the corner of my eye, I could see The Dodgers game playing out. Almost fourteen years I’d spent there. I could tell you how the field smelled after a rare Californian rainstorm; I could tell you about Vince, the head grounds-man, and how he used to spend an hour every morning cleaning the bases, because it had been his first job at The Dodgers’ and he believed in it with the same fervor people believed in God. I could tell you what the dugout looked like after every game, but while I’d spent all that time with a hole in my chest, I couldn’t tell you I regretted it, because if I did, I might not be standing here now, the love of my life in front of me, looking like she wanted to murder me. And if those years were the price to pay for the rest of my life, then rinse my fucking bank account and make a run for it.

“Yeah, and I was eighteen and completely in love withyou. Was it the best decision I’ve ever made? Fuck, no! And could I have handled it differently? Yes! But I was just as pissed and heartbroken as you were. You can’t hold it against me now, Marnie. It’s not fair.”

She was biting down so hard on her lip I was afraid she’d bite though it. Tears fell thick and fast down her gorgeous face. “You don’t get it, do you? I got married to a man I didn’t have to spend time with, and then divorced him. But you… ours was the relationship I mourned. You are the one I mourned. You died. We died. I can’t survive that again!”

There was no anger in my voice, but her tears were piercing my heart like they usually did because she wasn’t listening to me. “Not good enough. I’m not dead, Marn. I’m alive and kicking, and I live for loving you. Maybe I could have made a better choice back then, but so could you. I can’t change the past, but I can make sure our future has us living it together.” She dropped her head, but I lifted it. She needed to see me when I spoke my next words, needed to see it in my eyes; see the love that coursed through them, that always had. That she was the fluid that ignited me, she was the fuel that burned through my veins and scorched my blood. “Fourteen years, three months, and thirteen days, Marnie. That's how many days I've loved you, and you've been my first and last thought for every single fucking one. So I guess the question is whether you’re going to let me.”

Her arms dropped to her sides, and her shoulders fell. “What do you want me to do, Jupiter?”

I put the bottle of water down. “I want you to admit I’m your boyfriend. I want you to admit that we’re meant to be together. That you love me.”

“Where are you going?” she asked as she followed me to the door, almost at a full sprint, panic building in her voice.

I couldn’t stop myself from brushing my knuckles against her cheek. “I’m going home. You need to figure out what you want your future to look like, and I don’t want to be here if you decide it doesn’t include me.”

I kissed the top of her head as she broke into heavy, rasping sobs; every single one a bullet to my chest.

When I reached the elevator and glanced up, her face had dropped into her hands, her chest heaving like she couldn’t breathe. I watched until the doors closed, and for the second time in my life, I left Marnie Matthews on her doorstep, holding my heart while I walked away.

20

MARNIE

Present Day

“Oh. What are you doing here?”

Emerson held up the Fed-Ex package I’d been expecting when I opened the door, the one the concierge said was on its way up.

He failed to mention it wasn’t being brought by the Fed-Ex guy.

“Nice to see you too, Marn,” Emerson said somewhat sarcastically as she kissed my cheek when she walked in.

I took the box she pushed at me and closed the door behind her.

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