Page 127 of The Third Baseman

I’d never been in her room without her.

It was so still; whispers of her perfume floated in the air, and I breathed them all in, filling my lungs as deeply as I could; filling them with her.

I stayed in the middle, circling slowly, seeing it differently to every other time I’d been here. A voyeur.

I could see the pin board in the corner above her desk; a photo of us she’d taken a few months ago – our first day at the beach – nestled among drawings of stars, her class schedule, my games schedule, and her favorite quote –The Stars Don’t Look Bigger, But They Sure Look Brighter.

Her snuggly teddy had been relegated to the bookshelf ‘so we didn’t corrupt him too much’, she’d said. The sweater she’d been wearing this morning was slung on the back of her chair, and there was a pile of laundry yet to be put away, on top of which were five rolls of cherry LifeSavers, making me smile wide.

Her laptop was on the bed, resting innocently on the pink comforter as though it was lazing in a field of wildflowers. My heart thudded heavily, giving me an unnecessary reminder that I shouldn’t be here, and I shouldn’t be opening it up. And I definitely shouldn’t be typing my name in as the password.

The screen lit up and my stomach bottomed out.

Noah Matthews had been telling the truth.

The letters were still open. Two side by side; one to M.I.T. Admissions, the other to Santa Monica High School.

Her plans laid out in black and white, as clear as the promise she’d broken, along with our pact.

I don’t think I’d ever loved her more. I don’t think I’d ever been angrier at her.

She was blowing her life up for me; the brilliant life she had planned, forme.

I didn’t know what she thought our future was going to look like, but I could tell her right now it didn’t involve giving up on her dreams for me.

Her drive to get to M.I.T. was one of the things I loved most about her.

I sat back, reaching for the baseball I’d left on her nightstand, and tossed it into the air.

The stitching flickered as it spun as quickly as my mind was spinning.

I wasn’t sure what was making me angrier – that she’d lied to me, that she’d done this behind my back, or that she thought I’d be okay with it when I found out.

Or, as my throat became scratchy with the threat of tears, that I wouldn’t do the same for her.

If it came down to it right this second, would I give up the chance to play for The Dodgers?

No.

But I’d never doubted we wouldn’t last long distance.

And that meant there was only one thing I could do.

I didn’t let her know my parents invited her for dinner. I didn’t want to see the lie in her eyes if the subject of graduation came up. I ignored Emerson when she told me she’d returned from the mall. I replied to Marnie’s text with a simple, “I’ll see you later”, because while I knew what I needed to do, that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to hold her in my arms one last time.

Kiss her one last time.

Sneak out of her window one last time.

The full moon lit my way to her place, and I crept under her comforter when she held it open for me.

“Hey,” she breathed sleepily, wrapping her arms around my neck.

I twisted her into the little spoon, and kissed along her shoulder. “Hey, sorry I took so long. Did you have a fun time with Emerson?”

“Mmmmhmm,” her head softened on the pillow. “I’ll show you everything tomorrow. How was your day?”

“Just getting a few things ready for next week, and trying to plan out my calendar for when you’re in Boston.” My arms wrapped tighter around her body and I placed my palm over her heart. “I was thinking we could take a trip there before spring training begins. We can go and see your dorm, what do you think?”

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