Page 110 of The Show

“You know, while I remember, Lowe did ask me for some time off. She requested a month to figure things out.” I could see Lowe’s face turn ashen, like she’d rather be anywhere else than here. “Yes, Lowe, you got it. Take the month. Now, ladies, if you’ll excuse me, I have somewhere to be.”

I needed one last look at Lowe before I left, but then focused on Abigail who I suddenly hated for everything she was doing.

“Abby, a word of advice. Stop sticking your nose into your daughter’s life and let her live it. You cannot control someone falling in love,” my eyes flicked to Lowe’s, “or force them to fall in love.”

The door slammed back against the wall as I stormed out, ignoring Lowe calling my name, and ran down the three flights of stairs in lieu of the elevator. I’d walked into the building overwhelmed with hope, with love, and with the knowledge my life was finally piecing together and making sense. I never imagined I’d leave it with my heart fracturing more with every step.

I took my phone out and dialed the foreman of our hanger at Teterboro, requesting he ready our plane for take-off in two hours. I had a job to do and a team to build, the perfect excuse to bury myself in work. If one part of my life was about to fall apart, I needed to make sure the other one was solid enough to keep my mind from wandering. While I’d blocked myself off from Lowe once, I knew I wasn’t strong enough to do it again. Not if we were both in the same city.

If she wanted space, she could have it.

By the time I got outside, the heavens had opened. The deafening crack of thunder in the sky summed up exactly how I was feeling. I’d been right when I’d told Lauren that out of Lowe and me, I was the one who’d end up getting hurt.

I just hadn’t expected it to be so soon.

20

Lowe

“What on earth was that about?” my mom cried, her head shifting between the door which was still wide from when Penn threw it open, and me.

I didn’t answer because I was chasing after him.

I hammered my finger on the elevator buttons, trying to call it as quickly as possible, but this building was old, and when they’d renovated it, they’d kept the old-school elevator for its cutesy charm, which right now was not charming me in the slightest. Ten seconds later I gave up and took the stairs two at a time, concentrating on not breaking my neck in the process.

I wished I’d concentrated less when I’d sprinted out onto the street, and he wasn’t there. I looked up and down, up and down, but I’d been too late.

He was nowhere to be seen, and the street wasn’t that busy.

He’d gone.

I trudged back up to my office; with each step I took, the hurt I’d seen in flash in his eyes came more into focus, until it was stabbing me sharply in the chest. I’d made a complete mess of everything, and now it was time to clean it up and pray I hadn’t caused permanent damage.

My mom was halfway through one of the salads she’d brought me; not a clue about what had just happened, or what she’d inadvertently caused… that my life was on the brink of falling apart because I was incapable of standing up to her.

“Lowe…”

“MOM! JUST STOP…”

My fingernails were digging into my palms. They could have quite easily pierced the skin under the pressure, but until I’d calmed down enough to say what I needed to say to my mother in a calm, adult manner, I focused on the pain.

To give her credit, she stayed silent.

“Okay, I need you to listen to me.” I held my hand up before she interrupted, because she was about to do just that. “Mom, this has to stop. Your constant need to run my life…”

“I don’t run your life…”

“Oh, but you do.” I took the four steps needed to cross my tiny office to reach my desk, and sat down next to her. “You never showed a sliver of the same interest in Ryan and Trey.”

“Of course I did! I’m their mother, just as I am yours.”

“You didn’t, Mom. And that still doesn’t give you the right to be part of every square inch of my life, to know everything that’s happening the second it’s happened. I should get to share with you what I want, and when I’m ready; not daily, on your insistence. This is supposed to be a mother-daughter relationship, not Big Brother. You’re worse than the N.S.A.!” I continued straight through before she could protest again. “It’s not totally your fault because I should have said this to you years ago, but from today, everything has to stop. The daily calls, the text messages, the need to know every last detail of my life. It’s not a normal level of interest. I love you, Mom, and I know that it all comes from a place of love from you, but it’s suffocating me. I cannot breathe any more under the weight of it.”

Her face stilled; her mouth slightly open in shock, but I wasn’t going to back down. Miraculously my voice never faltered. There were no tears.

I softened my tone. “You want to know what’s going on in my life? You want to know what that was all about? I have just caused considerable hurt and might have possibly ruined a relationship with the best man I’ve ever met, because I was terrified of how you’d react. Because every single time I’ve shown the remotest bit of interest in someone, you’ve taken it and blown it out of proportion then scared them off. And because I didn’t want you to scare Penn, I didn’t tell you, and I might have lost him anyway because now he thinks he’s not important enough to me to tell you about us.”

My voice broke on that last point, and my heart cracked. Saying it out loud was so much worse.

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