Page 111 of The Show

My face fell into my hands.

God, I was an idiot.

“You and Penn?”

I glanced up at my mom and nodded.

“Can I ask how long it’s been going on?”

“A couple of weeks.”

She was twisting her diamond ring round and round, and I could see she was trying her hardest to hold in her list of questions, so I relented, giving her some of what she wanted.

“It started after Lucian’s party. Or maybe before, I dunno. But…”

“And you like him?”

I nodded. “Yes, mom, I do. A lot. More than like.”

She was quiet, quieter than I’d ever known my mom to be. “I’m so sorry, LoLo. I’m so sorry you’ve felt the need to hide important parts of your life because of me. Or if I’ve stopped you from living your life…” she let out a low chuckle. “I guess that’s what Penn meant, that I’ve stopped you living your life. I’m so sorry. I was so scared of losing you when you were little.”

“I know, Mom, but I’m not little anymore.”

She got up and brushed my hair away from my face, just like she’d done when Iwaslittle, and cupped my cheek. “No, you’re not. You’re a beautiful woman, with a full life ahead of her.”

“Thank you,”

She put her arms round me, and hugged me tight. A mother’s hug. We weren’t fixed, not by a long shot, but the frustration I felt toward her, the resentment I always carried, was missing.

“What are you doing to do about Penn?”

I eased away from her grasp. “What do you mean?”

“Well, honey, if you love him, then you need to go after him.” She picked up my bag and jacket, and held them out for me. “I know we have a lot to talk about, but I think it’s probably more important you find Penn first.”

There was only one part of that sentence I zeroed in on. “I didn’t say I loved him.”

“You didn’t have to,” she smiled softly.

I took my things from her, then hugged her tightly and kissed her cheek. “Thank you, Mom. I do love you, you know.”

“I know.”

I looked round the room at the mess from lunch.

“Go, I’ll clear up. Go find Penn.”

“Thank you. I’ll call you later, I promise.”

I didn’t bother waiting for the elevator this time. Finally, after a decade of therapy, I’d had a breakthrough. Doctor Lowman would be delighted, and it was all because of Penn Shepherd.

Now I just had to find him.

* * *

He hadn’t been at his apartment.

He hadn’t been at the club with the boys.

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