Page 126 of The Secret

I took another sip of water. “I know how to fucking work for something! What I don’t know is how to give her space. I don’t want to give her space. I want her here with me. Why doesn’t she want to be here?”

He rolled his eyes, cutting the fully loaded sandwich into two, putting half on a plate and pushed it over to me.

“How long is it supposed to last? Am I supposed to contact her or wait for her to contact me? I don’t know the fucking rules.”

He walked into the pantry, returning with chips. “Dude, there aren’t any rules. It’s not literal. Space doesn’t mean you have to stay away from her, it means you’re not around each other twenty-four-seven. You have your own lives, and the time you spend together means something. Put the fucking effort in.” He threw his arms in the air, with much more drama than I ever had. “She fucking loves you, you moron. How am I having to explain this to you?”

“Because I’ve never been asked for space before!” I snapped, my hands running through my hair, practically pulling out the ends. “Doesn’t sound like the sort of thing you say to someone you love. Everyone knows space means the end.”

“Who the fuck is everyone?” He countered with a question I didn’t actually know the answer to, but it was one of those things you just knew, right?

I shrugged. “I dunno, people, movies. It’s always the end.”

Cooper took a massive bite of his sandwich, chewing annoyingly slowly, and washed it all down with another long draw of beer. “Murray, what else do you remember her saying?”

I sat back. I didn’t need to close my eyes to see her, picture her holding my hands as she said she was moving out, that she wanted us to have space. That everything had been happening too quickly.

“I dunno. She said things had been intense.”

“And?”

I remembered her eyes flashing fire as she shouted at me. “She said she wanted to build us a strong foundation.”

“Right, there you go. What else?” He waved his hands for me to continue.

I dug deep again. “She wanted us to get to know each other in a normal way.”

He snapped his fingers. “Bingo. There’s your answer. Nothing more normal than dating and you already had dates planned for her; you told us so at Easter.”

The tightness in my chest eased up a little, and the pain in my heart felt less acute. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Murray, Fred is right. Kit is perfect for you. You love her, everyone in the family loves her, and she fitted in so well at Easter. Make this right, or you’ll regret it forever.”

I already did regret it. I regretted everything that had caused her pain; everything that I’d done to totally fuck up one of the best things in my life.

“I will. But first, I want my daughter back.” I stood up, moving to Cooper and wrapped him in the hug I thought he was going to give me earlier. “Thanks, mate. Thank you for coming over. You’re much more effective than Franks, but don’t tell her I said that.

He patted me on the back, laughing. “Don’t worry, I value my life. Don’t tell her I said she was right.”

“Deal.” I picked up the phone to dial my mom, requesting that she returned my child.

* * *

I fasten the poppers on Bell’s sleepsuit as she smiled up at me. My mom had brought her back, and then left without an argument which I was grateful for. I wanted time alone with Bell, just the two of us and Barclay. I ordered pizza, drank my water, then I filled the bath with Bell’s lavender bubbles and we both got ready for an early night. Or it was an early night for me; it was regular bedtime for her.

Tomorrow would be a new day, and first thing in the morning, I was going to come up with a plan to get Kit back while giving her the space she’d asked for, something which was too much for my hangover-addled brain to figure out.

I lifted Bell up and breathed her in as deeply as I could. I didn’t know whether it was my baby specifically or something all babies came with, but she worked better than the bottle of Valium in my bathroom drawer at calming my racing mind and heart.

While her bottle was cooling, I carried her through the bathroom, to the open door of Kit’s room. But even Bell couldn’t keep my heart rate down as I stood in the doorway, scanning around the shell she’d left. Everything was gone except the flowers, now drooping, in the vase.

As if sensing Kit wasn’t here, Bell started fussing

“I know, little one, I know.” I kissed her head, rubbing her back as I returned to her room and sat down with her bottle. “But we’re going to get her back. I’m going to get her back for us. I promise.”

And I didn’t break my promises.

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