Page 27 of The Secret

I’d been here five days and my fascination with this new family hadn’t yet waned. It hadn’t merged into all the other families and babies I’d looked after, the way it usually did. I’d also never felt so aware of being; of standing in one place; of watching. Because I wouldn’t just watch to make sure he was okay, I’d watchhim. The way his lips parted oh-so-slightly as he fed his daughter; how the heaviness of his brow softened as he watched her, mesmerizing himself, losing himself in her, watching her the way one might watch their first snow fall after a lifetime of living in the desert.

“What are you going to do today?” He glanced at me with an expression I couldn’t read. In fact, I’d been finding it hard to read any of his expressions.

I ran through the mental checklist I made myself. I tried to check it all off every day, although usually by eleven a.m. something would have happened and then everything else would get pushed to the next day. So far, we were still on track, but it was only seven forty-six a.m.

“There are a lot of clothes that keep arriving, so I need to wash them and sort her wardrobe.”

I ignored the flutter of my heartbeat as he laughed loud. I’d heard him laugh before, I just hadn’t seen it yet, because when I was around, he was more the concentrating, silent type, focused on the baby. And now I didn’t ever want to miss it, because when he laughed, he wasn’t just sexy, he was easily one of the most beautiful men I’d ever seen. His inviting, full mouth was wide open, showing off perfect white teeth as he threw his head back, his bright green eyes sparkling with relaxed amusement. His beard had grown thicker since I’d arrived, and I was suddenly desperate to discover if he had a dimple under all the scruff covering his chiseled jaw.

“Yeah, I think between my mum and sisters they bought Manhattan out of newborn stuff. I liked this one today.” He glanced back down at Bell.

Today’s outfit choice was a tiny white onesie, covered in ice-creams and cones. So,socute, and one he’d chosen, because he wanted to do everything he could. Mornings, bath time, bedtime bottle, and story. The only thing he willingly handed over was the middle of the night feeds. And I’d quickly started to look forward to seeing what he chose for her to wear each morning.

“That’ll explain it then.” His laughter was contagious. “And your parents have gone out so I think I’ll take her out to the park after her first nap, if that’s okay?”

All week, the apartment had been a thoroughfare of Murray’s friends and family, and his parents especially had been filling the grandparent’s role perfectly; bonding with Bell, taking her out every day, and playing with her when Murray was busy. Because even though I was here to look after her and put her on a schedule, it was a novelty to me having so many other adults around that wanted to help. But there was still plenty to do, and it meant I could spend my days organizing the dozens of deliveries which arrived daily for Bell – bouncers, a bath seat, diapers, clothes, bottles, more furniture, more clothes, baby everything - and sending back anything which wasn’t needed.

“Do whatever you want. You’re in charge.” He paused, frowning, like he was waging an internal battle with himself. “In fact, I’ll come and bring Barclay. She can sleep in her stroller, right?”

I nodded in surprise. We hadn’t actually spent much time alone together, or any really, mostly because of everyone else being around, but I’d also had the distinct feeling he didn’t want to be alone with me, more than simply wanting to bond with his new baby daughter. I’d never worked with a single dad before, always the moms. Usually, new dads didn’t want to be alone with their baby; too worried about doing something wrong or breaking them. But with Murray, he’d rather be with her or with his family, always staying slightly apart from me, moving away as soon as I’d placed Bell in his arms.

“Yes, she can, unless you want to have a go at strapping her to you. A baby sling arrived yesterday.”

He ran his thumbnail over his lower lip, hesitating.

“I’ll show you how.”

“Yes, okay.” He nodded slowly. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

“Cool, okay.” I tried to hide the surprise I was still feeling, and ignore the desperate churning in my belly at the prospect of spending time alone together. “I unpacked another snowsuit yesterday too so you can put her in that. I’ll leave it out for you, unless you want me to do it.”

He nodded again. “Yes, thank you. I have some calls to make and need to shower. I’ll be done in a couple of hours, and then we can go.”

He stood up. I was unprepared for the power of the electric shock which ran through me as his fingers brushed against my arm when I took Bell back. I was even less prepared for the power of Murray’s gaze as it held mine for a second longer than was appropriate for an employer/employee relationship. I was still standing there two minutes later, trying to make sense of my very confused thoughts.

* * *

I zipped up the bear shaped snowsuit and pulled a cream cashmere beanie, with little bear ears, onto Bell’s head. Her long black lashes fluttered as she tried to focus on what I was doing.

“Oh, Bells, you look so cute in this. Daddy’s very lucky to have such a beautiful girl to walk to the park with.”

“I am.”

I startled, turning around, immediately biting down on the inside of my cheek to stop the blush which was rapidly rising up from my chest.

What thefuckwas wrong with me this week?

He was standing in the doorway, dressed in jeans and a thick cable-knit sweater, impressively emphasizing his biceps until my mind could think of nothing else, and I had to force myself to blink. The navy sleeveless body warmer and navy ball cap pulled down low over his dark blonde hair, was equally appealing, bringing out the jade green in his eyes, and along with his low slung jeans, firmly cemented my earlier assessment that he was the best-looking man I’d ever seen in my life.

Myentirelife.

As I got closer, I noticed his cap and body warmer both featured the logo of the gym Payton loved, the one I’d been given a membership for – Body by Luck. And then I was enveloped with the most delicious scent of moss and oak, combined with a rich smoky amber, all of which seeped into my pores and under my skin. I wasn’t sure what was happening to me, but I was losing all sense of myself, my head in a spin.

I handed Bell over, at the same time hoping he hadn’t noticed my growing awkwardness, clenching my fists to stop them shaking. “Good, you’re ready. I’ll get my coat and we can head out.”

I grabbed the baby sling and held it in front of him, showing him how to wear it.

“This way you know how to do it when I’m not here. Slip it over your head, pull on the toggles to make sure everything is secure and tight, then you put Bell in and secure it again.”

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