Page 115 of The Love Destroyers

Her voice catches, and regret swells in my chest. I wanted to be the man who stepped up for her, and here I am making her sad. Putting her career in jeopardy, if we manage to tug it back. I pull my hand from hers and reach up to cup her face, rubbing my finger over her cheekbone.

“You do whatever you have to do, Emma. Don’t worry about me. I’ve made it thirty years on my own. You only worry about yourself. You deserve to have whatever you want. I would like to be part of what you want, but even if I’m not, I’m damn well going to do everything I can to see you happy.”

Her lips part, and she’s so gorgeous it hurts to look at her. She’s such an intoxicating blend of hard angles and soft curves. Of vindictiveness and kindness. Of intelligence and warmth, forthe people who are wise enough to deserve it from her. After my screwup with Lia, I never thought I’d meet the woman who’d make me want to try again, but here she is, and I ruined it for myself.

“I need time…”

I touch her cheekbone again, letting my fingers kiss over the skin.

“Of course you do. It’s not every day you start fucking your brother-in-law, and he tells you he’s a murderer.”

She shakes her head softly, a slight smile gracing her lips for half a second—and at least I was able to give her that half second. My hand falls away, and I just look at her, soaking her in while I can.

“Not a murderer. It was at least partially self-defense.”

I shrug, happy for her to think so. It’s true, but I was the one who’d set up that meeting. I was the one who’d decided I could do it if it would mean keeping what was left of my family safe.

“I don’t want to leave you alone,” she says softly, her voice shaking slightly.

Guilt throbs in my chest. I should have left her alone. I should have let her keep that flask and walked in the other direction. I would have thought of that flask fondly, tucked away in her underwear drawer with all of her lacy things some other man would have the pleasure of stripping away. It would have sucked, but it wouldn’t have been as painful as it will be now.

“I’m not alone,” I tell her with a smile. “I have Thumper over there. And maybe you’ll take pity on me and bring Shadow over for a visit.”

“I thought about bringing her over yesterday, but I was worried they wouldn’t get along,” she says. “Shadow has poor personal space boundaries. She likes to wake me up by batting my face.”

“Anyone with sense would want to wake up with you.”

Her lips part again with some half-formed thought.

“Sorry,” I say. “Maybe I have poor boundaries too.”

“Youdefinitelyhave poor boundaries.”

“So do you, you little thief.”

She smiles at me, sadly, and says, “I’ll bring your flask back, and your lighter.”

I swear prolifically inside my head. If she’s going to return them, it sounds like she’s already decided, or is teetering on the edge of that decision. It’s not looking good for me.

“No need,” I say, playing with the mug again for something to do with my hands. “You keep them. People keep telling me I should drink less.”

“What about smoking less?”

I shake my head. “I keep telling you that I quit.”

Her eyes go wide, and at least I’ve managed to shock her in a good way this time.

“I thought you were messing with me.”

“I tried to quit after New Year’s,” I admit. “After you told me I tasted like an ashtray. But I had a few relapses. I had a cigarette before I came over to your house on Wednesday. I knew I shouldn’t go but I wanted to see you so bad. I haven’t had one since.”

“You did it because of what I said?” she asks in a tone of astonishment.

I lift my shoulders in a shrug that probably doesn’t come off as casual as I’d like. “I didn’t want that to be your takeaway from our first kiss.”

“You thought of it as our first kiss?”

“One was enough to make me want more.”

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