Page 118 of The Love Losers

I feel it in every bit of me, every particle of Anthony Rosings Smith.

“I—”

She runs her fingers over my bearded cheek. “Jake was worried about you because you missed your lunch with him, so we rode over here together, because he got me worried, and I also wanted to tell you that Nicole’s friend managed to take care of my fingerprints problem.”

“He’s here now?” I ask, horrified.

“He’s in the car.” She slowly runs her hands up and down my arms, her touch settling me. “He’s your friend, Anthony. We saw you by the tree, and he turned back and told me he’d give us a moment.”

Part of me is embarrassed. The part that still thinks a real man wouldn’t have cried. That he’d be able to cut the damn tree down by himself without any help from anyone else.

But that part of me has roots intertwined with the apple tree, and I want to pull them out too, even if it hurts.

So I nod and say, “Sure. Let’s take the tree down together. Jake would be a big help.”

She purses her mouth to the side. “Yes, but why not go bigger? Like…maybe we could get Declan over here. Not for nothing, but my brother has arm muscles the size of tree trunks, and he’s a freaking landscaper. And Damien’s pretty strong, andyour mom and Emma would at least want to watch. They had to live with the miserable bastard too. Basically, I was thinking we could make this a party.” She shrugs one shoulder, her arm brushing against mine. “Honestly, I think itshouldbe a party.”

“For who?” I ask, my brain barely firing.

“For you. To celebrate the end of one era and the beginning of another. Also, I figured it could be ading, dong, the dick is deadkind of thing.”

My father would hate that.

He’d hate everything that’s happened today, and Simon is right. He would hate the man I’m finally becoming. But I don’t care anymore, and the freedom of that is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me.

I take a deep breath, then wrap her up, holding her against my chest. “Okay, let’s do it.”

A few hours later,we’re back where I started, next to the tree. Except this time we have appropriate equipment, including a rented bucket truck. we’re with Jake and Lainey, Declan and Claire, my mother and sister, and Nicole and Damien. They all know about our engagement now, and Jake brought over several bottles of champagne to fulfill the terms of his bet with Rosie.

My mother took one look at the bottles, sniffed, and disappeared into her basement, reappearing witha much superior vintage.

She also had some lounge chairs stored down there which look—and smell—like they last saw the sun during World War II, but they’re comfortable enough, and we can’t all attack the tree at once. Under my mother’s direction, Jake set up a temporary bar, even though I pointed out it wasn’t a stellar idea to drinkaround chainsaws and axes. My mother said she wouldn’t be doing any of the work anyway, so my complaint was irrelevant, and if a woman can’t get soused on the day her husband dies a second time, then when can she?

Claire brought over enough baked goods to feed everyone multiple times.

I feel…

I feel full in a way I never have before. Content.

Before the destruction commences in earnest, Declan pulls me aside. I’ve never been a small guy, but he’s bigger than me, and he wears it in the way he walks. He can be intimidating, and right now he means to be.

“So, you’re marrying my sister to get that money,” he says.

“No,” I correct him. “I want to marry your sister. And we both wouldn’t mind getting the money.”

He nods, accepting that or at least pretending to.

“And you’re wondering why you didn’t hear it from me,” I say, feeling like I’ve already fucked up with him, so I might as well call a spade a spade.

“I was,” he admits, then shifts his weight. “But Rosie reminded me that she grew up a long time ago, and she doesn’t need anyone’s permission to do anything. She likes reminding me of that every day, and I suspect she’ll like reminding you of the same thing.”

“She already does.” I glance at her, standing next to the tree with Claire and Lainey. She meets my gaze and makes a face, mouthing ‘sorry.’ Smiling, but only a little, because I’d prefer for her brother not to hit me, I say, “But I still should have come to talk to you. I’d like your blessing, for her sake. And your brother’s.”

He nods. “He’s coming. I talked to him just before we headed over here, and he was already out the door before he hung up. He’s driving down with Claire’s father, though, and he’ll bedisappointed to realize that man likes to pack for every possible outcome.”

I nod, because I expected both of her brothers would want to be there.

“And if we don’t give you our blessing?” he asks, lifting his eyebrows. “I don’t like seeing my sister mixed up with all of this shit. Especially not before we have all the facts on the table.”

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