Page 100 of The Love Losers

It’s dark, but the moon and stars are out, the snow lending everything an ethereal glow. I can see her face perfectly.

She looks startled, which is a reasonable reaction to finding a grown man staring into your second-story window, then she opens her window, which is probably an unreasonable reaction.

“Santa is supposed to come down the chimney, dear. The window one is Peeping Tom. Most people aren’t happy to see him when he comes around at night.”

“I have to see Rosie,” I say, hoping she’s not about to wake up the whole house.

Her expression becomes stern, her chin tilted down toward me. “Men these days are always two steps forward, four steps back. My Mortimer knew what he wanted, and he went for it. He didn’t dilly-dally or turn wishy-washy. He was a man of conviction, especially when it came to me. What kind of man areyou, Anthony Rosings Smith?”

Indeed.

It’s always been hard for me to communicate my feelings, and I didn’t imagine I’d have to do it to a gatekeeper before I even got to Rosie, but my life has been all about firsts since she first mentioned the idea of the list, so why stop now?

“I’m falling in love with Rosie,” I admit. “I know she’s going to New York with her family, and I won’t stop her if that’s what she’s decided is best. But I can’t let her leave before I tell her how I feel.”

She gives me a quick nod and pulls back from the window. “You can come in.”

Easier said than done, it turns out. I end up tumbling onto the floor. There’s a muffled bark from deep within the house, followed by a second bark. Then a third.Shit. My back is aching, my whole body struggling to adjust to the change in temperature, but if I don't act quickly, I’m about to get caught before I even see Rosie. I glance up at Joy, who gestures to her bed. “Get in.”

I pause, trying to visually find a closet or a bathroom or anywhere else, but it’s dark and there’s nowhere. Under the bed isn’t an option—it’s too close to the ground for me to roll underneath it.

“Get in,” she says in a commanding undertone.

I hear footsteps outside—purposeful, loud footsteps—so I get into the bed, pulling the covers over my head. I feel like one of those children who volunteers to play hide and seek and then “hides” on the floor under a blanket, the bump so obvious they can be found even by their great grandmother who’s legally blind without her glasses.

My heart’s thumping in my ears, my whole body.

What the fuck am I doing?

It would bemuchworse if Declan finds me here.

I’m about to get up when a muffled knock lands on the door, followed by the sound of Joy walking over and cracking it open.

“Yes?”

A man’s deep voice says, “Is everything okay up here? I heard…” There’s a pause. “Joy, do you have someonein your bed?”

I don’t know how the fuck he can see me in the dark, but I suppose if I were worried about intruders, the first thing I’d do is visually sweep a room.

I want to look.

I also definitely do not want to look.

“Yes,” Joy says without hesitation. “Is that a problem?”

There are several seconds of silence, followed by Declan saying, “Joy, there’s no electricity, and the roads aren’t passable. Who…”

She doesn’t attempt to fill the silence.

He clears his throat. “How…”

Finally, she says, “Honestly, Declan. I thought you were more open-minded. Do you think a woman’s life ends when she getsher first gray hair? My ovaries might have shriveled up, and the love of my life may be dead, bless his beautiful soul, but I still have a woman’s needs. Rosie led me to believe we were welcome here.”

“You are, but Joy…if the electricity hadn’t gone out, the alarm would have gone off when you opened the front door. And…I need to know who… I mean…the only place within walking distance in a snow like this is—”

She laughs with genuine amusement. “Goodness, it’s not Jake. My lover runs the snowplow. I knew I was in for a treat when I heard the first rumblings in the distance.”

I may be tucked under the blankets in a house where I can’t openly show my face, but I feel bad for Declan, whose discomfort is so thick I can feel it from my position hiding under the covers.

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