Page 74 of The Love Bandits

“You’re home early,” I comment.

She sighs and sweeps into the room, pausing to give Professor X a quick pet before heading over to the chair I’m sitting in. She grabs the back as if she intends to unceremoniously dump me out. “And you’re in my chair.”

Laughing, I get up and turn to face her. “Nice to see you too, even if I get demoted to the sidekick chair.”

She glances at the burner phone, then my laptop, sitting open on her desk. “Are you working on your website stuff?”

“No, it turns out that stuff’s pretty boring. Who knew.”

A half smile ghosts across her face. “So…?”

Her eyes drift to the screen of my computer again, her painted lips parting as she notices my spreadsheet. “Nicole bullied you into doing Love Fixers stuff?” she asks, seeming kind of amused by it. Not displeased, thank God, because it only occurs to me now that I probably should have asked first.

“No,” I say quickly, lowering into the sidekick chair, and instantly swiveling. “I wanted to. You made it sound…”

Like it might be nice, doing something worthy, helping someone. And also like it could be fun.

“You wanted to?” she asks, her face brightening as she reads the spreadsheet. Shifting her head to look at me, a lock of hair escaping the pins, she says, “Jake, you don’t need to spend your own money on this.”

“I do,” I say firmly. “He cheated on her while she was pregnant. She needs to know not everyone’s like that.”

Her smile spreads wider, meeting her eyes, and suddenly I feel self-conscious. I’ve pleased her, which is what I wanted to do, but I don’t want to trick her into it. I want to earn it—just like I want to earn her release.

“I’m not doing it to be nice. It’s personal. My father abandoned my mother when she was pregnant.”

Her eyes widen, and I realize that I’ve told her too much. The truth keeps slipping out with her, probably because Icantell her the truth. She already knows my biggest secrets.

“Okay,” she says, her eyes twinkling. “So you’re a big bad tough guy thief who only sends out freeFUcookies when the guy really deserves it.” She settles back into the chair, still smiling at me. “This is why I still have to work for Mrs. Rosings, you know. I keep comping people because their stories get to me.”

“Or because you accidentally adopt clumsy cats.”

Professor X yowls and starts pacing on top of her throne, as if she’s developed a sudden understanding of English. I wouldn't put it past her. After slicing me with a green-eyed stare, she settles back down, as calm as you please, and forms a little ball of fur. Christ. I’m starting to really like this cat.

Of course, that’s nothing on what I feel for the woman beside me.

“Or that.” Elaine watches me for a moment, and in her eyes, I can tell that she sees me, really sees me, and no longer dislikes what she sees. It feels like a vindication.

“How’d you think of the cookies anyway?” I ask, clearing my throat.

She shrugs. “It was this story Todd told me, about a peanut butter cup someone had at work.”

“Go on,” I say, thinking of Ryan and the way he balloons up when he so much as thinks the word peanut. I sit, and nod to her chair.

A smile flickers across her face as she lowers into it. “There was this big gourmet peanut butter cup set out on the counter in the break room, and he thought it was up for grabs, so he took a bite, didn’t like it much, and threw it away. Except it turned out it was this specialty treat one of his co-workers had bought for himself, and he was really upset someone had taken it. So Todd told me he bought the guy a new one, they had a laugh about it, and all was well.”

“I assume you’re going somewhere with this.”

She shakes her head slightly. “You’re impatient. So I meet this guy at a party, and when he gives me his name, I say, ‘Oh, Todd ate your peanut butter cup,’ and he looks shocked. Because it turns out Todd hadn’t copped to it at all. In fact, he’d made this big deal about it, pretending he was going to help the guy find out who the culprit was, when it was him all along.”

“Sounds like a superhero villain,” I say, feeling a pulse of hatred for Todd, the douchebag. Todd, the piece of shit who could get away with anything, by virtue of being rich and “important.” Admittedly, I havealsogotten away with lots of dumb shit, but I had to work for it.

“Anyway. That’s how I thought of the cookies. An FU by sugar.”

I start typing into the search bar of my laptop, but I give her a sidelong glance. “How long did you stay with him after that?”

A corner of her mouth lifts higher. “Three years.” She shrugs. “What can I say? He was my peanut butter cup. I didn’t like it much either, but I convinced myself I did because I’d already taken a bite.”

She glances at the screen,Peanut Butter Cuppies,then bursts out laughing. “You’re getting him a gift?”

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