Page 25 of Ironhold, Trial Three

Perhaps the organizers have decided that they do not need to execute me. They can simply give me about I cannot,will not, win. Because how am I meant to bring myself to hurt or kill Rowan? Such a thing is unthinkable, except that where we are demands I think about it.

This is what the games are, what they have been from the start. We are pitted against one another, and death is always a possibility. This bout merely makes it much more likely. Almost a certainty.

With other bouts, I'm sure the emperor will show mercy. The noble gladiators will almost certainly get it, although my first fight against Vex shows that it is not guaranteed even for them. Those gladiators who put on a good show will probably survive because the crowd will want to see them again.

But in my bout?

I know the emperor wants to see the limits of what I can do. More than that, he wants to see what Iwilldo. He wants me to be the kind of killer he can make use of in the service of the empire, or maybe he just wants to be proved right about beast whisperers being vicious and deadly.

I look around for Rowan in the dining hall. He is standing there, staring at the board. I cannot read the expression on his face because it seems that he's keeping it carefully blank. He doesn't even look my way, although I get the feeling he knows exactly where I am. He turns and leaves the dining hall, heading deeper into the complex of Ironhold, is it not wanting to face the reality of this.

I set off after him, moving quickly along the corridors, trying to follow. He is out of sight, but I'm able to use my powers to pick up his presence using the sense of smell of a rat, the eyes of a bird. I must use them carefully, leaving them without taking anything from them. Rowan is heading deeper into the noble sections of the fortress.

I follow, but instead of Rowan, I find Ravenna blocking my path.

"Now, what are you doing up here? This isn't where you belong. Unless you're going to see dear Alaric."

“Get out of my way, Ravenna,” I say.

She smiles cruelly. “How do you like having to fight Rowan? I thought about making it Alaric, but I think he might actually refuse to kill you, he loves you that much. Whereas you set Rowan aside. Besides, this brings in some additional layers of pain for you. Because you're feeling so much about the man you used to care about, but can you admit that pain to Alaric? It will make him so deliciously jealous. I wonder which of you will kill the other tomorrow?”

“You're saying that you made this happen?” I say.

“Me?” Ravenna says, with a look of mock innocence. “How could Imakeanything like this happen? Lord Darius and Lady Selene decide this sort of thing, not me. At least, that's what everyone thinks. Now go away, Lyra. Go tell Alaric everything. I'm sure you'll just break your heart and his in the most beautiful way.”

I move past her, but it's an effort of will not to strike her as I do so. I'm still looking for Rowan, but it seems he's disappeared deeper into the fortress now, and the determination with which he's doing it suggests that he really doesn't want to talk about any of this. Maybe he can't. Maybe he knows that, since he will have to kill me tomorrow, he needs to keep his mind clear of all thoughts of caring about me.

The full horror of what I'm being forced to do hasn't hit me yet, but I know it will. I'm already feeling waves of pain and anger at being forced to fight like this, are being put in a position where I may have to kill someone close to me.

And Ravenna seems to have arranged it somehow. At least, that's what she's hinting at. How could she have done it? Somefavor called in? No, I doubt that. Lord Darius is clear that the games matter to him. He wouldn't be so corrupt as to change the bouts at someone's request.

Unless Ravenna was able to use her powers on him. Could that be it? Her mastery of mind magic is undeniable. Could she be using it to arrange the bouts? Could she be the reason I must fight Rowan?

I don’t know, but I do know I need help thinking all of this through. Ravenna is right about one thing: I need to talk to Alaric.

Chapter Seventeen

I find Alaric in the space within the noble section of Ironhold given over to a combination of temple and gallery space. It is a large, vaulted room, filled with statues of the gladiators who have gone before, along with semi mythical figures who represent heroes or gods connected to Aetheria’s past.

He is kneeling before a statue as if in prayer. He touches his fingers to the statue, then to his lips as he stands, turning to face me. It's obvious that he can see the pain on my face because he reacts to it instantly, moving to me and taking me in his arms.

My lips find his, seeking wordless comfort in that moment of physical connection. We melt into each other for several seconds. Is this what I want now? For him to take me back to his rooms and make me forget all about what is to come tomorrow?

“They’re making me fight Rowan,” I say, when we finally pull apart.

“I know,” Alaric replies. “I saw.”

When my voice is filled with pain, his is flat and without emotion. Or perhaps he's hiding whatever he is really feeling.

“I know you don't like Rowan,” I say.

“What I don't like is that you're feeling this much pain at the prospect of fighting him. He's just another gladiator. Isn’t he?”

There's a challenge in that question, a hint of jealousy again that seems to question any connection I have with others.

“He's my friend,” I say. “And he isn't someone I just want to kill.”

“Is he someone you're prepared to give up your lifenotto kill?” Alaric counters. “Because that's what it means, Lyra. You heard Darius back there. If you refuse to kill someone, you won't save them. You'll just find yourself executed alongside them. Sothe only real way to guarantee that you would save him would be for you to let him kill you. Does Rowan mean that much to you?”

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