Page 34 of Ironhold, Trial Two

The robed figures close in on me, some taking my hand, others clapping me on the back. A few of them remove their hoods, but only a few. It's obvious that even amongst themselves, most prefer to keep their identities a secret. Animal scents surround me, and it seems there are growls or purrs from under some of the hoods.

I'm still not sure quite what has just happened. Lady Elara brought me here to convince me of her good intentions but everything she has told me shows that she intends to use me as part of a bigger plan. Does she really think I'm the key to bringing down the emperor? If so, is that a part I want to play? I will fight in the arena, because if I don't I die, and because I want to survive long enough to be free. But the rest of it… I'm pretty sure anyone watching this meeting would call it treason, and do I really want to be a part of that?

For now, though, all I can do is accept the congratulations of the beast whisperers around me. I am one of them now, a part of the spectral covenant. But I have not truly chosen it yet, have not committed to it. For now, all I can think of is the Colosseum. I still have one more fight to come, and it doesn’t matter if I am a part of all of this unless I find a way to live through that fight.

Chapter Twenty

It is getting late by the time Lady Elara has her palanquin return me to Ironhold. Late enough that the other gladiators have already processed back up to the stronghold. Late enough that the guards look at me with surprise as I arrive.

“We were starting to take bets on whether we would have to hunt you down,” one of them says, as if it's the most natural thing in the world that they would hunt and kill me if I were not to return.

“Your patron decided to take their time with you?” the other says with a leer, his eyes roving over me. It’s easy to hate the guards sometimes. They seem to enjoy that we gladiators are not free to do as we wish, seem to relish our pain.

But at the same time, they are not the ones involved in running Ironhold. They merely guard the limits of the fortress, letting us do what we will within.

I head inside. It is late enough that the practice sessions after the day’s fights have finished. Late enough that plenty of the others will be sleeping. I wonder if anyone will still be awake as I head into the barracks section of the fortress, making my way past the large central dining room to start to head for my room.

I stop when I see that Rowan is in there.

“You’re still awake?” I say.

“I wanted to make sure that you came back safely,” he replies. “I was worried for a while that you might not come back at all.”

“Did you think I would run?” I ask.

He looks troubled. “I wasn't sure what to think. I didn't know if they'd decided to kill you after all, or punish you in some way, or if youhadrun and they were hunting you down even while I waited.” He stands, moving to me, briefly wrapping his arms around me. “I’m glad you’re back safely.”

“I’m not sure about safely,” I say. I hold my wrist up for him to see. “They’ve restricted my magic, Rowan.”

“Lyra…” he sounds even more worried now. “Something like that… how do they expect you to fight?”

“Maybe they just expect me to die,” I reply.

He takes hold of my shoulders. “Don't talk like that. Don't just give in. You can still fight. You're getting better.”

But we both know that my victory so far has come because my powers have come flowing out of me. I have one because I have managed to control the beasts set against me. Even when I have Fought human opponents, it has been my ability to summon beasts to my side or my capacity to look through their eyes that has let me win.

“I'm not sure how much I can do now,” I say.

Rowan continues to hold on to me. “You can do more than you think. You have survived because you have learned. Do you know how to fight with that trident of yours? You just have to be ready to use it.”

“Even if it means killing someone else,” I say.

“You have already killed,” Rowan points out. “And I'd rather you did what you needed to do than see you fall. I… don't want to lose you, Lyra.”

He looks me in the eyes. Our gazes meet, and it's as if we're drawn to one another. We kiss, deeply, Rowan pulling me tight against his chest. I know that if we keep going, it won't be long before he takes me back to my room and doesn't leave. And I would be completely okay with that. For once, the fact that we're doing this just because the situation is so desperate, just because we might die tomorrow, doesn't get in the way.

“Promise me,” Rowan says, as he pulls back briefly. “Promise me that you'll do what's necessary. You can't afford to hold back. You can't let feelings or friendship get in the way.”

“You sound like Alaric,” I say, with a faint smile at the memory of Alaric down in the beast pens.

Instantly I feel a change in the atmosphere between us. Rowan steps further back, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“I am nothing like him,” Rowan replies, his voice sharper than I expected it to be. “He represents everything that's wrong with the games. He doesn't kill people to survive or so he can be free. He does it because he likes it.”

I shake my head, slightly jarred by the suddenness of the change in things between us. How have we gone from nearly falling on one another in need and desire to arguing about Alaric?

And still, I can't stop myself from replying. “He's not that bad,” I insist. “You only see the side of him he shows you. If you take the time-”

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