Page 25 of Ironhold, Trial Two

She spreads her hands. “The answer to that is complicated. Theoretically, possibly. Practically… almost certainly not. Ironhold values those it has trained, and Lord Darius takes his sacred duty seriously. Occasionally, one hears of a noble being bought out of their commitment, but even that is a rarity, typically after they have been injured so badly that everyone knows they will not survive another season.”

“So you’re saying he was lying?” I say.

“He was,” Lady Elara replies. “The emperor would never allow it, given what you are. And even if he did, would you really want that life?”

I shake my head.

Lady Elara sighs. “If it were that easy to get you out of here, don’t you think I'd already have done it?”

“I… don't know,” I admit.

She looks faintly surprised that I don’t trust her more than that. “I suppose that’s understandable. You think I’m just using you for my own ends.”

“Aren't you?” I counter. I can still remember what I heard back in the temple about the plot against the emperor. It's obvious that I'm to play a part in all of it, but she hasn't set any of it out, hasn't given me a choice about it.

“I see that you could be useful,” Lady Elara admits. “But that doesn't mean I don't want to help you anyway. That I don't want to train you.”

That brings my thoughts back to what I did to the chimera. To the way in which I tore it apart and made it kill itself. The thought makes me wince.

“What is it?” Lady Elara asks.

“In my bout, it was as if I had complete control over the chimera,” I say. “And I used that control to make it hurt itself. I found the different parts of it, and I set them against one another.”

“I saw,” Lady Elara says. “I felt it, too. What you did was impressive, Lyra. A chimera like that would have been too much for many beast whisperers, especially one as new to us as you are.”

She looks proud of me when I feel anything but proud of what I did. It feels as though there's a dark side to everything I can do, as though all of my talents are ultimately designed to hurt and kill.

“I didn't want it to be like that,” I say. “I love living creatures. I don't want to hurt them. I certainly don't want to kill them. That side of my powers is… evil.”

“Notevil,” Lady Elara insists. “It is simply a natural aspect of these gifts. Remember that the goddess is a huntress. She does not just sit and admire nature. She is one with all aspects of it, including the predatory side.”

“That doesn't mean I have to be,” I say.

Lady Elara looks a little exasperated. “Look around you Lyra. Look where you are. You need this power if you're going to survive. You can't just cut yourself off from a whole strand of your talent. Think of what you did with the crocodile before. You controlled it. You forced it not to bite even when it's instincts insisted that it should. You could have full control over creatures. You could do so much more, too.”

“I'm barely sure I want all the things I can already do,” I say. “And you're promising me more?”

Lady Elara throws herself down on one of the couches, taking the wine and sipping from it As if to calm herself.

“Do you understand how much potential you have? Do you understand the risks I’m taking in training you? You can take onaspects of beasts, to control them, to summon them to your side, to see through their eyes. You can do these things on a scale that most beast whisperers cannot, that I have honestly only heard about in stories of our kind, rather than seen. You have powers that might transform this city. You can do so much, but you're running away from your power.”

“I’m just trying not to use it in the wrong ways,” I say.

“So learn to use these powers correctly!” Lady Elara snaps back. “With enough control, you are the one choosing what happens, rather than using your power on instinct.”

“Would I choose?” I ask. “Or would you?”

I stand, I'm no longer comfortable on the couch.

“Sit down, Lyra.”

“Maybe if you tell me something about what you're planning,” I reply. “I don't like being kept in the dark. It's obvious that you and the others have plans that include me, but you haven’t told me what they are, or what you intend at the end of all of this.”

“It’s safer for you that way,” she says. “For all of us.”

“Just tell me, are you planning to kill the emperor?”

She rushes forward, putting her hand over my mouth. “Are you mad, talking about such things here? Do you think people don't listen? That they don't try to pick up all the salacious gossip or see more than they should?Thatis why I haven't told you anything. One of the reasons anyway. You aren't one of us yet, not fully. You keep dancing around on the edges as if you can hold back from what you are. And as long as you do that, I can't trust you won't start telling the wrong people everything you know.”

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