Page 39 of Ironhold, Trial One

“Of course I care!” I insist. How can he think anything else? We have been close in the time since I got here. He has helped me more than anyone, and… and it has been more than that, too. I can’t deny the attraction I feel every time I look his way.

“ButIhave to care about more than just myself,” Rowan says. “Do what you can for everyone, Naia.”

She frowns, then nods. “But I’m starting with a little for you.”

Rowan shakes his head. "Me last. That way, I know you're not giving me too much."

“Damn it, Rowan,” I say. “Do you want to die?”

He shakes his head. “But I also don’t want to live just because everyone else around me died.”

I can't argue with that sentiment when it is something I have felt all too often.

“I thought you were the one who told me that you had to be ruthless and cruel to survive the colosseum?” I say.

“I'll do what I need to do in it,” Rowan replies, “but I won't hurt people out here.”

It's clear his mind is made up, and Naia is already moving to the others, employing her skills. All I can do while she moves around the injured is to hold Rowan's hand, trying to reassure him as the cart continues to jolt its way back to Ironhold.

I see Alaric glance back towards us. He is uninjured. He looks at me, then at Rowan. I swear a brief look of jealousy crosses his face, and I don't know why because he has no right to be jealous of anything to do with us. Alaric and I aren't anything to one another, are we?

It seems like forever before Naia comes back to Rowan. We are almost at the gates of Ironhold. Naia looks exhausted, but even so she lays her hands on Rowan’s wound, a look of concentration crossing her face as she works her magic.

The wound does not close, but I hear Rowan sigh. Naia keeps working, until eventually she stumbles. I must catch her, helping her to stand.

“I can't do anymore,” she says. “Not now, not like this.”

“But Rowan is still-”

“She has done all she can,” Rowan says. “It’s a lot better than being left like this, or just hoping the healers at the arena will do something tomorrow."

I know he's right, and I'm grateful to Naia for being able to do anything, but I also want to curse Rowan’s stubbornness. If he hadn’t insisted on her healing everyone else first…

Why does it matter to me that Rowan should be healed? It isn’t just friendship, however much I try to tell myself that. It’s more than that, but a part of me doesn’t seem to want to admit that it’s more, because I’m not sure if there is any space for feelings in Ironhold. It is a place where we could find ourselves pitted against anyone else we know, where Rowan and I might be forced to fight to the death tomorrow. How can I risk feeling anything for him under those circumstances?

Still, I stay by his side as we rumble into Ironhold. Lord Darius is waiting there, ready to give the same salute as yesterday.

“The fallen!” he calls out, raising a fist.

“The fallen!” we all repeat, but my eyes are on Rowan.

I help him to the infirmary of the fortress, along with the others, but the healers are attending to them first, and in any case, they are using little magic to do it, only the kind of knowledge that I have picked up from my mother.

So I grab a needle and thread, dipping the thread in honey to try to limit the chances of infection.

“Hold still,” I say to Rowan, examining his wound. Thankfully, it seems that Naia has healed much of the damage within, but there is still a gaping wound that must be sealed and stitched.

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Rowan asks.

“My mother taught me herbs and more,” I say. “No one near my village has healing magic, so we focused on other ways of helping.”

“Which is why you don’t like hurting people?” Rowan guesses.

I nod. “I’ve patched up fisherfolk who cut themselves and got hit by masts. Even a shark bite once.”

“It seems there's no end to your talents,” Rowan says. He still winces as I start to stitch his wound. “And now I need to show no signs of pain or you will think I'm not the big tough gladiator you like so much.”

“You think that's why I like you?” I counter, continuing to work. “Rowan, it's not about you being tough. It's about the fact that you've helped me and so many other people. You didn't have to train with me. You could have just left me and gotten on with your own training.”

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