Page 53 of Hooked on Loving Him

I’m not sure which tightens my chest and increases my pulse more… seeing Kayshon’s eyes sheen from unshed tears or the low cadence of his voice. Without verbally responding, I remove the space between us and pull him into my body, hugging him as tight as I did the night he had the nightmare. This time, Kayshon’s cries lowly fill the room as I silently pray over him.

All right, God, here we are with me, standing in the gap for Kayshon. Heal the fragments I’m unable to see. Allow him to feel your love and comfort through me. I don’t have all the answers, but I trust You. Right now, in this moment… I surrender to Your will for the life You’ve laid before me with Kayshon in mind. Allow me to be the vessel you need to show Kayshon that You’re greater than every problem he’s faced. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

A few days later…

“Thanks for agreeing to have lunch with me,” Masani says when I sit across from her in the booth.

“Of course. If Kayshon has his way, you and I will be family, so I'm sure this will be the first of many to come.”

“Most definitely, especially because I’ll need me time as much as I can get it with my house always bustling, and I’m not talking about the twins. Sassy refuses to go back to Kayshon’s, and Peaches only tolerates sharing the four humans in the house for so long.”

“I thought Kayshon was lying about having a dog since she’s rarely been around when I’m at his house,” I say, smiling.

While I wasn’t scared of dogs, I wasn’t sure about being around a Doberman due to their size. However, Sassy and my interactions haven’t been often, and I’m convinced Jawaan has brainwashed her regarding me because she usually avoids me.

“You’re not missing anything, trust me,” Masani says.

“I hear you. Have you ordered yet?”

“Only some water. I got the waiter bringing one for you as well.”

Masani and I are eating at Esther’s Bea’s Diner, and my mouth starts watering at the thought of the peach mango lemonade on the menu.

“Okay, sounds good. I’m gonna get one of the signature lemonades as well. In the meantime, what did you want to meet for, or did you not have a reason and just wanted to hook up?”

“I prayed for you,” Masani says, and my brows hike and my nose wrinkles like something foul is in the air.

“Uh… care to elaborate?”

Being Pastor Lorenzo Reese’s goddaughter meant that I had some familiarity with some of his congregants. Although I’ve seen Masani around the church, we didn’t have any dealings on the times I have attended. For the most part, we wave or speak in passing, but that’s been the extent of our interactions before learning she’s married to Kayshon’s brother. My fingers tense on my lap as my leg shakes back and forth while I wait for Masani to let me know what she’s talking about.

“Meeting Kayshon and Jawaan was on the heels of Kyce being brought intoShadow Stew Memorialafter being shot,” Masani says as I gasp and my eyes balloon. “Oh, I know, girl, but focus. As the relationship between Kyce and me continued to develop, God laid it on my heart to start praying for his brothers. Those prayers soon shifted to realizing that Kayshon and Jawaan would need somebody else to carry that mantle of prayer,” Masani says, laughing as I join in because if no one else understands the energy it takes to deal with Kayshon and Jawaan, she does.

“Somebody should have warned me because whew… the struggle is real,” I say shaking my head.

“Yet the purpose and blessing have been promised even before you knew Kayshon existed.”

“So I need to add you to the list of offenders for why—” I start before Masani cuts me off with her next statements causing my heart rate to increase.

“You’re in love with a man whose flaws steal your breath, saturate your clothes from his tears, but none of it allows you to run. Mhm. I know. Sometimes getting a reprieve seems right, but even then, your heart skips a beat at hearing or thinking his name,” Masani says, with a dreamy, faraway look that I’m unable to verbally confirm.

That night…

“What does family mean to you?” I ask Kayshon while lying against his bare chest as my breathing returns to normal.

Masani’s words held me hostage for the rest of the day and somehow charged me and my libido. As soon as Kayshon and I finished dinner, I jumped on him, which led to several rigorous rounds of sex. Now we’re in his bed with this single question repeating in my mind.

“It means that no matter how many times I get on your nerves, I will continue loving you for the rest of my life. It means that no matter how unorthodox our family unit, we’ll always incorporate family gatherings into our dynamics.”

“So, you really want to settle for me without confirming that I’m who you want for years to come?”

“That’s the hook between us… It has always been God’s plan. With you, I now understand why God never allowed me to desire intimacy before our paths crossed. You’re the woman who was created to repair the covenant of marriage God designed from the beginning. You’re what I have been missing and longing for when the darkness of night tormented me.”

My breath hitches and my pulse races the more Kayshon speaks, because I’ve never heard him talk about God before this moment. The energy in the room changes as the haze of sex makes way for something far more intimate than the animalistic act we’d been engaging in not long ago.

“Earlier today, I made two decisions, and it's only fair that I share them with you. Fear will no longer keep me from trustingGod to cancel and free me from the generational curse that’s been choking me for twenty-three years. I’m a man whose flaws will continue to force me to my therapist’s office. However, I’m not a man without direction nor the foresight to draw the line in the sand.” Kayshon shifts my body so I’m now staring into his intense eyes as so many things flash in his orbs.

The temperature in the room shoots up like a volcano at its breaking point causing me to swallow the moisture gathering in my mouth.

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