Page 52 of Hooked on Loving Him

“Oh, this sounds like a story I need to hear,” I say.

“Nah, I can only handle hearing about it once, and I still want to find the nigga to see if Edward Scissorhands is the only man skilled enough to wield cutting weaponry,” Mr. Weeks says, frowning deeply as I subconsciously cross my legs at the ankles.

An unknown time…

God,what should I do? Am I wasting time with Kayshon, knowing he doesn’t want the same thing I do? Kayshon has been showing me how much I mean to him in every way that matters. Will I be fulfilled with him and me if I give up my desire to have kids? I know you said joy comes in the morning, but I don’t feel like morning will fully come if I can’t have at least three kids. Unlike Mom and Dad, I want two girls and a son to round out the girlie banter my daughters will bring to the household. I also don’t mind two boys and one daughter or any variation you see fit. I just want to be a mother one day. Can you talk to Kayshon on my behalf? I know he doesn’tattend church like Kyce, but You and I don’t have interactions inside the four corner walls of a church. That in and of itself lets me know that you can reach Kayshon in a manner that he’s comfortable with as well. P?—

“What’s bothering you, baby girl?” Dad’s voice cuts into my thoughts, causing me to pull my gaze away from the little girls playing next door to my childhood home.

“Do you ever regret marrying Mom and becoming a father?”

Dad’s face brightens with a smile that’s glowing more than the sun as he comes and sits beside me on the rocking bench.

After shopping with Mom for four hours, I came to sit out here to regroup enough to go home. Instead of going to Kayshon’s house like he wants me to, I’ve decided to go home so I don’t have to ask him what he’s going to do. I also won’t cry in his presence at the knowledge of his upcoming procedure. Kayshon had given me the date, and I put it on every calendar I have as a reminder that is now choking me due to the day fast approaching.

“From the minute your mother told me she was pregnant with you, I have thanked God for the grace He’s shown me. Allowing Lorenzo to be you and Amari’s godfather had been twofold for your mother and me. For me, it was a way of securing your place in Heaven, even when my sins would cause me to spend my eternity without you. For Ashanti, it was because she secretly pined after that nigga and thought it was cute for him to be y’all play daddy.”

My nose wrinkles, and a frown upturns my lips at the information I’ve never heard before, causing me to look to see if Dad is being truthful or not. The cheesy grin he’s wearing releases the tension in my shoulders.

“Dad. You were about to have me looking at Mom sideways.”

“I’m joking about your mother’s reasoning, but she didn’t object to my decision to choose Lorenzo. All of us grew uptogether, and he’s been my brother for a long time. Only the difference in our lifestyles keeps us from hanging out. While that nigga loves to uplift God’s name at every turn, I play scraps with the fallen angel.”

“What do you mean?”

“Let me put it to you this way. When I heard Kayshon on your phone and then saw him in person, something familiar spread through me. I can see that Kayshon’s life has never been a picnic, but in his eyes, I can see a man who will never give you a reason to regret marrying him. He hasn’t proposed, to my knowledge, but I still know that it's coming soon.”

Dad’s declaration causes my heart to quicken as my mouth becomes cottony, preventing me from speaking.

“Most fathers want their daughter to steer clear of anyone who resembles them, and ordinarily, I would agree. However, despite your age, Kayshon gives me a reason to release the protective reins I want to smother you with. While your mother was babbling at his house about meaningless stuff, I watched the interaction between you two. I have never seen you peaceful and unguarded the way you were that day. Kayshon wouldn’t let you get any breathing room, and it had nothing to do with possession. He was gentle with you in a way I acknowledged with an exhale.”

Dad’s words incite tears as he kisses my cheek before wiping my face as a weak smile slips into place. Hearing Dad give me permission to be with Kayshon and marry him sends shockwaves through me.

“As for your mother’s urging for babies, take your time with that. Every couple has to decide for themselves on whether that’s a journey meant for them. Worry about setting a foundation so strong that any children born through your union will be a reward instead of a burden. While children are blessings, they don’t always have to be the fabric of existence in every marriage.Hell, not everyone wants to be bothered with shitty diapers and colicky nights.”

Wow. You don’t know who carries your message as long as it reaches me, huh, God?

*bam, bam, bam*

Jumping out of my sleep, I look around my room. Darkness surrounds me, and a glimmer of light peeks through my blinds. Throwing the blankets off my body, I slip my feet into my shoes and head to the bottom level. After coming from my parents’ house and turning my phone off so I could think, it's not a mystery who is banging on my front door. I had locked my screen door, so I’m sure Kayshon is taking his feelings out on what he feels is blocking him from reaching me.

“I thought we got past this shit, Shari,” Kayshon says after I open both doors as his nostrils flare and his tight eyes peer into me.

“What shit, Kayshon?” I ask, sighing.

Sleep is clogging my brain, preventing me from thinking logically or rationally as Kayshon storms into my living room.

“You were supposed to come to my crib after leaving your mom. What happened? You got my ass spoiled with sleeping under you, and then you pull this shit. I ain’t moved during my sleep, let alone been taunted by my mother’s ghost since we’ve started sharing a bed. Don’t do this to me, Shari. I won’t survive without you,” Kayshon says before his weary eyes disconnect from me. He stares at the floor, causing my chest to pinch.

“I know. It took me several times to sleep with you after we reconciled to realize you wouldn’t wake me up at some point,” I whisper.

Kayshon’s head snaps to meet my eyes as shock flashes to anguish in his orbs, causing me to slowly move closer to him after securing the door.

“What did I say?” Kayshon asks as if he’s in unbearable pain.

The energy in the room changes as a heavy feeling charges the atmosphere as my mouth twists, and I war with telling Kayshon about the nightmare he had a while ago. Sighing, I spend the next ten or so minutes replaying the information I had been planning to take to my grave.

“Bear with me, Shari. I know that I haven’t let you know what’s up in terms of this vasectomy shit, but please don’t give up on me, baby.”

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