Page 35 of Hooked on Loving Him

“Good afternoon, guys,” Papa D greets, coming into the room before making his way to Jawaan and me for a quick one-arm hug.

Papa D is completely different than Lance, and I appreciate how he has the ability to step in and give us a father figure, which is causing me to see men in a better light. Lance was a devil I often wish wouldn’t have been chosen as my father. Papa D, on the other hand, frequently causes me to wonder if tigers can change their stripes because dealing with him makes me curious about the decisions I have to make.

“Aye, big bro, is Ms. Aretha coming fo—” Jawaan starts before the doorbell sounds, cutting off his words as he turns to answer the front door.

My eyes fall on my niece as I start kissing her forehead while shifting her body in my arms. Something about spending time with my nieces brings me a peace I often need, yet I can’t communicate with anyone although sleeping with Ashari in myarms the other night had given me the comfort I needed to silence Letitia’s voice in my head.

“Ms. Aretha in the house! Non-soprano in the house!” Jawaan shouts, and my head snaps up to see Ashari entering the room with Ms. Aretha.

“That’s not my name, boy,” Ashari says, rolling her eyes.

“Da hell it ain’t,” Jawaan says, laughing.

My pulse increases, and my breath hitches as my eyes rake over Ashari, who has yet to make eye contact with me, as she walks around the room greeting my family.

“Um, let me talk to you for a minute, Kayshon,” Masani says, snatching my attention as she gently grabs my forearm and urges me to follow her.

“Excuse me for stepping out of line, but I saw Ashari at church this morning and invited her to dinner. Seeing her with you over here the day you babysat the girls wasn’t the only reason for my doing so, but now isn’t the time for that. What I say is this… Sometimes what’s best for you doesn’t always know how to handle the things that come with you. Take it from me that whatever you can’t share with Ashari shouldn’t be something that becomes a secret that destroys what you could be building. While she might not be able to shoulder the burden, she should be aware of what she’s getting herself into.” With that, Masani takes Kiara from my arms and leaves me on the back deck with my thoughts.

“So, are we going to talk or just sit here staring at each other?” Ashari asks, snapping me out of the conversation Masani had with me earlier.

We’re at my house after leaving Kyce and Masani’s place, not long after our food has been consumed.

“I’m getting a vasectomy,” I blurt, shocking myself with how fast the words leave my lips because it’s not what I thought I would be sharing with Ashari.

“Say what?” Wrinkles instantly dance on her forehead as her face contorts and her top lip curls.

“I made the decision before you and I met. Kids aren’t something I want.”

“Wow. So what does this mean for me?” The bite in her tone has heat crawling up my neck because it’s the one thing I’m unsure of.

“If we’re gonna be together, you’ll have to adjust to it.”

Ashari’s head snaps back like I hit her as her mouth opens and closes several times while looking at me like I’ve lost my mind.

“So, to be with you, I’ll have to forfeit my desire to have kids. Wow. Why are you telling me this now instead of the day you asked me if I wanted children?”

“I see you in my future, but this is something I couldn’t wait until then to tell you.”

“Humph. With how you’re talking, I’m guessing your mind is made up,” she says as more of a statement than a question.

My mouth dries as a lump forms in my throat, and heat like a simmering pot of water increases my body temperature.

Have I made up my mind?

“I finally go see the doctor for my consult tomorrow because it’s been pushed back several times,” I say without confirming or denying which way I’ll go.

Nodding, Ashari stands and starts heading to my front door without saying a word as my blood pressure instantly elevates, and palpitations mingle with tingles in my chest.

“Wait, where are you going?” I ask, damn near frantic at seeing her retreating back.

“While I appreciate you saying something, it seems like there’s nothing I can say or do about this situation. At this point, I have to determine if you’re worth giving up my desire for. Until I can do so, it's best that I put a pin on this thing between us. Don’t pop up and don’t call me… I need time.” With that, Ashari walks out of my front door without looking back or slowing her strides.

I stand motionless with my front door open. Ashari’s words replay in my mind. My mood tanks, and my stomach falls to my feet. The food from earlier begins flipping and churning, causing a dull pain. Torment collides with turmoil as I blink away the urge to succumb to the defeat spreading across my chest. My mind freezes, and my feet are rooted in the spot for an unknown time.

“Aye, bro, are you good?” Jawaan asks coming from the right of me where his house is, yet words fail me, and shivers fill my body. “Come on, man. I got you.” The feeling of Jawaan wrapping me up in a one-arm hug causes my senses to take a nosedive.

“Fuckkk!” My throat burns as the single word shoots from deep in my belly. Stabbing pain causes my heart to falter.

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