Page 58 of Hooked on Loving Him

“After today, there will never come a day where you don’t get the opportunity to do so. I know we don’t have a lot of time before Ivy rushes us back to our spaces, but thank you. Y-you make—man—” Raw emotion clogs my throat and scatters my thoughts as I try to share the inner parts of my heart with Ashari.

“Before your mother met your father… God saw us in this present moment. Thanking me isn’t necessary. I understand that you’re the man capable of me submitting to. No matter the stains of your yesterday, your future… our future will erase the ugly scars. Today, we’ll both have a new beginning, and no matter what happens… I will forever be hooked while loving you.”

Ashari’s words hit me dead center of my chest like I’m receiving lifesaving efforts as tears slip from my eyes.

“All right, you two. It’s time to get you to the final stages of preparation,” Ivy says before I’m able to respond.

“One last thing before we temporarily separate… Bow your head, Shari. God, here I am with the blessing only you could provide a nigga like me. Before Ashari and I stand in front of everyone we know, I’m asking You to center, grace, protect, and guide us as only You can. Even before we commit to each other, I ask that You will be at the center of our union. Thank You for looking for us. Amen.”

“Well, dang, I didn’t see that coming. You better pray for us, Kayshon,” Ashari says.

“Right. I definitely wasn’t expecting that, but I love it. Go ahead and take Ashari back to her area, and I’ll escort Kayshon,” Ivy says to one of her assistants before the sound of Ashari’s heels become distant when Ivy and I head toward my dressing area.

The time with Ashari does wonders for my disposition as my steps are lighter and my gait is more confident.

“Man, I can’t believe both of y’all are married and shit. What the fuck am I gonna do now?” Jawaan says as he, Kyce, and I smoke the cigars he bought for the three of us post-ceremony.

“Join the winning club, little brother. Our marriages should let you know that God didn’t give up on us. Those people might have tried to alter our existence, but God’s grace is sufficient. We aren’t the tainted, damaged, rejected, and neglected niggas the City of Ribax added to our portfolios,” Kyce says.

“That ain’t my description, though, bro. They said I was well loved before being tossed out like four-day-old lettuce. That shit is crazy. With you niggas spending more time booed upthan with me, I have been fighting for my fucking life,” Jawaan continues as the despondent expression and blank stare in his orbs pinch my chest.

“Damn. My bad, little bro. Do you need to talk about some shit?” I ask, blowing out the smoke and filling my lungs.

“Nah, my thoughts can only penetrate God’s ears. I ain’t about to make y’all feel guilty anymore about finding the peace my black ass won’t embrace.”

My brows hike, and my face contorts as my mind spins while trying to interrupt what Jawaan hasn’t said. Blood couldn’t make him any less my little brother, so seeing him battle something internally isn’t sitting right with me.

“Don’t do that shit, little bro. Before everything else, all we’ve had is the three of us. Marriage, kids, or nothing else can fracture the fabric of our dynamics,” Kyce says, snatching the words from my mouth like he heard my thoughts.

“I think your pastor is still inside. Do I need to go tell him that he needs to dip you in the baptismal pool?” Jawaan asks, smirking as the light returns to his orbs, replacing the darkness shining through them minutes ago.

“I’m a work in progress, and God knows my heart. At least I’m doing my part and showing up at church on Sundays,” Kyce says, looking between Jawaan and me.

“How did I get in this? Hell, I had to ask Him not to strike me with lightning before I entered the church. Shit, y’all ain’t see me sweating like a hooker who smoked up her pimp’s money?” I ask.

“Whatever. You damn near knocked me out the way to walk in the church with your lame ass. I’m gonna have to disown you niggas after today. I can’t believe your bitch ass stood at that altar crying so bad this nigga had to grip your shoulder to keep you upright,” Jawaan says, shaking his head while his nose twists and the area around his eyes tighten.

All I can do is laugh before coughing roughly from the smoke filling my lungs, because Jawaan is telling the truth, and I don’t have a comeback worthy of speaking. Seeing Ashari walking down the aisle on her father’s arm had my breath hitching and tears falling rapidly from my eyes. I should have known that while Kyce was comforting me, Jawaan memorized the moment to taunt me later.

“It’s cool. I’m gonna pray you have the same experience,” I say, smirking.

“Fuck you, bro,” Jawaan says, putting his cigar out and walking back into the venue where the reception is taking place.

“You know we’re gonna have to keep an eye on him, right?” Kyce says seconds later.

Intense melancholy increases my body temperature as I stare at the closed door Jawaan went through as a heaviness settles within my body.

“Yeah. Something is up with him,” I say.

“It’s cool. We are our brother’s keeper,” Kyce adds.

“For sure. Let’s go back in. I need to lay eyes on my wife.”

“Me too. I’m trying to drop two more in her tonight because her ass has been partaking in the free bar services,” Kyce says with a sneaky grin upturning his lips as a low chuckle leaves my lips.

My eyes are heavy and begging me to give in to the sleep I’m fighting while trying to savor the hours after marrying Ashari. Unlike most couples who consummate their nuptials as soon as they reach their post-reception destination, Ashari and I are cuddling. Ashari and the entire bridal party, including Masani, were hitting the bar heavily and turning up when Kyce and Ireturned to the party. Ashari’s parents, Ms. Aretha, Masani’s parents, and Pastor Reese were also gone, which meant there were no limitations on how hard the festivities went. With as much alcohol as Ashari had swimming in her system, I decided to wait to consummate our union. The last thing I wanted to do was find myself on the wrong side of Ashari’s liquor consumption.

“I’ve been thinking,” Ashari says giddily, alerting me she’s still in the aftermath of her liquor haze.

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