Page 5 of Bear Strength

“I promise you that something like this won’t happen again,” I try to assure her, but I’m not sure if I’m lying to myself.

She escorts me out of the classroom, and both Dominick and I say goodbye to her. Our car ride home is silent. I allow him that time to gather his thoughts. Maybe even come up with a plausible lie about what happened. But, I’m hoping that he will choose to tell me the truth.

When we open the door to our little rented house, he just brushes past me.

“Hey, hey!” I shout at him, and he stops just before the door to his room.

He gives me a pained look, and I feel it at the bottom of my heart. I know that whatever hurt he is feeling, I’m responsible for that. I’m supposed to keep him safe, and I barely managed to do that.

“Can we talk about this?” I ask, closing the entrance door behind me.

I can barely stand, my legs are all swollen from a busy morning shift at the diner, rushing over to the grocery store and a few other places. But, this is more important than any physical pain I might be feeling, or the overwhelming sensation of sleep that is threatening to take over me.

“There’s nothing to talk about,” he shrugs.

There is no animosity in his voice. He just sounds tired. Tired of all this. I know how he feels, but we both know we can’t go back. We can never go back.

“Why did you hit that boy?” I ask him again. “Violence is not the answer.”

He looks down at his feet, as he always does when he tries to avoid the question. I sigh, putting down my bag. I walk over to him slowly, and get down to my knees. This way, he’s a little taller than I am, but I don’t mind. This has always been my approach, when we’ve discussed something important. It’s crucial for him to see us as equals, as partners who can deal with anything together.

“What happened, Dom?” I ask again, gentler this time. “You know you can tell me.”

I see the thin outlines of his Adam’s apple tremble as he swallows. His gaze is still fixated on an invisible spot on the carpet that is begging for a deep clean. As if I can afford it right now.

“He said something,” I finally hear his voice, as he raises his eyes to mine. “I wanted to make him eat his words.”

“What did he say?”

Suddenly, a wave of redness washes over him. My mind starts racing. What could that kid have asked him? Was it something sexual? Do I need to report it? A few moments of this, and I can barely think straight.

“Please, Dom,” I plead. “Did he threaten you? Did he want to do something to you… you know… something - “

“It’s not me,” he interrupts me. “It’s you.”

I’m taken aback by this. Me? What the Hell do those kids know about me?

“He called you a…” he stops, and even though he can’t say that word, I know what he means. My precious boy. He was just defending my honor.

I cup his cheeks in the palms of my hands, making him look at me. His cheeks are still blazing red. His eyelashes look a little wet. My sweet, precious boy.

“Whatever he said, isn’t worth you getting in trouble,” I assure him.

“But, he can’t say that about you,” he speaks, and I feel the gentle vibrations on his face as he does so.

“People can say whatever they want about other people,” I smile at him. “You can’t control that. But, you know what you can control?”

I pause, to let him shake his head.

“Your own reaction to it,” I press my nose gently against his, as I used to do when he was a little boy. “Just walk away next time.”

“But…”

“I know it’s hard, just try, OK?” He nods, and I know he’ll try. “Now, I got some microwave popcorn for us, and we could put on some Harry Potter, what do you say?”

His face lights up at the offer, and it breaks my heart that we can’t do it all the time.

“You finished all your school work for tomorrow?” I ask, and the fact that he looks down at his feet, tells me all I need to know. “Come on. Whatever it is, I’ll help you, so you can finish it in time to watch the movie. I don’t want a cranky morning cookie on my hands tomorrow.”

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