Page 34 of Bear Strength

“Um, you talked to Wagner, right?” I huff.

“Of course.”

“Look, it’s not - “

“I’m here so we can straighten a few things out,” he interrupts me.

I’m shocked that we had the same idea, at the same time. He came here to my doorstep on the same day and almost the same time that I wanted to go to his doorstep. How strange.

“I suggest we go somewhere, but if you’ll feel safer staying here at your place, I’m game.”

I’m not sure which I dislike better, riding on a bike with him or having him here, alone?

He is waiting for me to reply. He’s not in a rush. Patient and calm, he is still smiling.

“I can make us some coffee,” I turn to the side, gesturing at him to come in.

He takes the hint, and walks inside, closing the door behind him. I lead the way to the kitchen, listening to the sound of his footsteps behind me. His presence fills me with a strange mixture of emotions. Adrian makes me calm. The way he handles himself assures me that there are no bad thoughts inside of his head. Wagner is different. He can’t seem to stand still in one place, like his feet are constantly itching to do something. Even that ridiculous comment about jokes didn’t put me off of him. But, Mason… he’s something else. I guess that’s why he’s their leader. It’s so easy to follow him. So easy to do whatever he says. It’s because you admire him, you want his approval. At the same time, you also fear him. You fear that you might disappoint him.

We walk into the kitchen together, and he takes a seat at the table. There is still a plate of unfinished pancakes left, and two empty glasses of orange juice.

“Nice breakfast?” he asks.

“Would you like some pancakes?” I answer with a question.

“No, just coffee is fine.”

I turn around to put the coffee on. I don’t need to look at him to know that his eyes are glued onto me. I thought thatI’d practiced this enough. But, I feel all that courage dissipating, leaving me a frightened little girl in front of what seems to be a big bad wolf.

The coffee is done quickly, and I pour a cup for both of us. I place his before him.

“Thanks,” he smiles.

I sit opposite him, trying to keep a safe distance. I’m not afraid he’ll hurt me. I’m sure he won’t. I’m sure none of them will. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have sent Dominick back. But, I feel like he’s overstepping his boundaries. He needs to know where his place is. And, it’s away from us.

“So, where do you want to start?” he wonders, taking a sip.

I’ve practiced this already. Probably a hundred times. I know my lines. I know exactly what I want to say to him. And yet, not a single word comes out of my mouth as I gaze at him sitting in my kitchen. He has taken off his jacket. He’s wearing a black t-shirt, which hangs tight on his chiseled body. His neck is thick, as he moves I see his veins straining. His hands are big. For a moment, I wonder what it’s like to have them wrapped around you. But, I quickly remove that image from my mind.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for Dominick to continue going over to your place,” I say calmly, remembering my lines.

“Did he say something?” he wondered politely.

“No,” I shake my head. “He hasn’t said anything. He likes it there.”

“So, what’s the problem? Maybe you’d feel better if you saw it as community work.”

“Community work?”

“Yeah, you know. He spray painted our wall. He was made to fix it, and wants to keep on helping. So, we focus this extra energy he’s got on something productive, instead of letting him wander the streets, trying to figure out what to do with himself.”

I have to give it to him. What he’s saying is making an awful lot of sense. I’m just not willing to admit it. So, I just nod.

“But, I think that’s the not the issue here,” he continues. “The issue is your problem with us. With me, my guys.”

I look down. I didn’t think it’d be this hard to have this conversation. It was all so easy in my mind. I glance over at him, and I see no threat in his eyes, no intimidation. I’m still not used to that. He is sitting across from me, towering over my table like a mountain. And yet, I’m not scared. I don’t want to run away and hide in a mouse hole. I stay here, my eyes glued to his.

He talks like a man should talk. His voice is firm, but kind. He is asking questions and waiting for an answer, instead of providing one himself, and I’m just supposed to agree. He wants to know what I think, how I feel about things. I sense he knows Dominick is the most important person in my life, and for some reason, he wants to be there for us. Otherwise, why would he be here? Why would he do any of the things he’s been doing?

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