Page 32 of Bear Strength

“What do you mean?” I ask him, but he’s already let go of me and starts to head back to his bike.

I wait for a moment or two, just to see if he’ll clarify this mysterious statement, but he does no such thing. He sits on his bike and just drives away. I stay like that, trying to figure out what just happened. What bubble? And, why Mason of all people?

I frown at no one, and slowly get to my car. Maybe I should just forget all this nonsense and focus on what matters. It’ll be that time of the month again, and I need to do my regular check up.

CHAPTER 15

The alarm clock wakes me up on time, as always. It’s another Saturday, and for some reason, I’m dreading it again. Dominick wants to spend more time with those men. I can’t allow that to happen.

I get out of bed and slowly drag myself to the bathroom. The face that stares back at me from the mirror is still drowsy. I notice big black circles around my eyes. I press my fingers against them, as if that motion itself would deflate them, but that, of course, doesn’t happen. I sigh, not really knowing what else to do, and grab my toothbrush.

Today, I have an agenda. A very important agenda, at that. When Adrian comes to pick up Dominick, I plan on driving there myself to talk to Mason. It’s not to clarify what Wagner told me a few days ago. I’d like to say I don’t care about that, but it’s not true. What is true, however, is the fact that I need him to know that I’m not OK with Dominick spending more time with them, after this stupid wall painting job is done. And, I need to be firm. Put my foot down.

I spit angrily into the sink, then watch as the water dissolves the little foam bubbles and takes them away down the drain. Clean. That’s what I’ve always wanted to be, and yet, it seems I constantly need to deal with dirty things. Dirty people. I’m tired of that.

I sigh deeply again, and put on my bathrobe. I tiptoe down to the kitchen, and make some pancakes. I myself don’t feel all that hungry, but I read somewhere that you tend to get angry more easily if you haven’t had breakfast. Seeing I’ll be having animportant conversation a bit later, I didn’t want to do anything that’d make me prone to angry outbursts.

About 15 minutes later, I hear Dominick walking down the stairs. He enters the kitchen, his hair all disheveled and with that I don’t care look on his face.

“Morning,” I chirp, placing a plate of pancakes before him. “Did you brush your teeth?”

“Um, yeah.” He’s sleepy, but still manages to roll his eyes at me effectively.

“Come on, smart ass,” I laugh it away. “Adrian should be picking you up soon.”

Dominick picks up a spoon and reaches for the maple syrup. I slide it over to him. There is no thank you, but I’m too lost in having an imaginary conversation with Mason. So, I don’t pay attention to it this time and let it go.

“So, how do you like it over at the bikers?” I ask, sitting across from him.

Even now, after all this time, I wonder how I made this sweet child. How did something so beautiful and so perfect come out of a relationship that was so horrible? I try not to remind myself of that, but it’s almost impossible. Still, I need to do it, for Dominick.

“It’s awesome,” he tells me, stuffing his mouth with pancakes.

“You think you’ll be finished soon?”

“About that,” he starts, taking a napkin and wiping the corner of his mouth.

He has full lips and a small nose. Mine is longer, more pointy, and my lips are thinner. Every time he smiles, he reminds me of the man I once loved. I know that, in time, this memory will fade. Only this young man before me will remain, and I will no longer connect the two of them in my mind. But, it’s still too fresh.

My sweet boy smiles at me, those full lips open up and reveal a set of small teeth, with tiny little gaps between them.

“Mason says he has more work for me, if I want to stay on, during weekends.”

I frown at the idea. However, I don’t reveal that I know of this already.

“They’d pay me, of course,” he adds quickly, as if that’s the most important thing.

“Don’t you think it’ll be too much of a burden?” I wonder aloud. “With school work and all.”

“I need to keep my grades up,” he explains. “That’s their condition.”

“I see,” I turn away from him, putting the plates in the sink, and I can’t help but frown again.

“So, can I stay there?” he asks me, and I hear the hope in his voice.

This is a double edged sword right here. If I let him hang out with criminals, I risk turning him into one. And, that’s the last thing I want. But, if I refuse him this, I risk him hating me for as long as he remembers this, and it might be a helluva long time.

I release a heavy sigh, not knowing what else to do.

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