Page 16 of The Wolf's Secret Baby

I marched back to the alcove where I flung open the blanket and saw Kull and Ambrosia locked in an embrace. The natural feeling to overwhelm me might well have been jealouslybut I didn’t feel any hint of this at all. In fact, it was quite arousing, to see his hand clamped on her breast, pulling down her clothes, exposing the skin underneath. It was hot to see her body yield to his passionate strength, bending beneath him, her arms draped around his massive frame. Their lips smacked together, and their moans were deep and guttural. I stood there, a strange feeling of serenity passing through me. It washed away all the fervent anger and I felt like a new man. I watched as he ran his hands through her hair, as she nibbled on his lower lip. I could sense their inhibitions falling away and I knew that I was witnessing something intimate. It was thrilling to be a part of this yet also separate. I could smell the sweat in the air, and I could hear the writhing of their bodies. I dared not make a sound, wanting them to continue, wanting to see them take this as far as they wanted.

Chapter Twelve

Ambrosia

“Typhon!” I exclaimed as I caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye. At first, I thought it had been an illusion because my vision was blurred, and my awareness was focused on other things. I don’t know what had come over me, or what these two men brought out of me. Their story had engendered sympathy with me, and I could not view them as monsters at all. They had endured a hard life and had never been appreciated.

I wanted to help them come to terms with the nature of their abuse. But there was something else simmering beneath the surface, some kind of crackling force that completely overwhelmed me and drew me in. I could not escape it. It was potent in the air, seeping into my skin, down my throat, completely consuming me. It was an uncontrollable energy that burned in the molten core of my body, an instinct that was being primed by these wild men and I couldn’t define it, nor could I fight it. I gave into it, and it was glorious.

As soon as I exclaimed Typhon’s name, Kull pulled away. I missed the heat of his lips immediately. My skin was flushed, and the thrum of my heart was carried throughout my body. I could even feel it pulsing behind my eyes.

“Typhon,” when Kull uttered the name it was harder and edgier. He rose to a standing position, as if to protect me. I feared that they were going to pick up right where they had left off. I gulped in air and held out my hands, forcing myself to concentrate on the moment. I quelled the hazy sensations that swam within me.

“Wait, don’t fight. I don’t want you to fight. What you’ve been through… the only good thing is that you’ve had each other to rely on. You shouldn’t ignore that,” I said desperately.

“I’m not here to fight,” Typhon replied. As the moment settled, I looked at him more closely and saw the wounds.

“What happened?” I asked.

“A wolf took umbrage with me. I decided to fight back, but unfortunately, he had allies that dragged me off him. I could have used you with me, brother,” he said, and something akin to a smile adorned his face.

“You’re hurt,” I looked at the bruises and scrapes all over his body, as well as the trail of blood that trickled from the corner of his mouth.

“They’ll all heal. But we’re not going to get our share of the feast tonight. It was dumped on the ground. We’re going to have to go hunting ourselves,” Typhon said.

Kull immediately looked at me. “We can’t leave Ambrosia here. Not with Siv sniffing around.”

“I thought the same,” Typhon turned towards me. “Are you willing to come and hunt with us?”

It didn’t take me long to make up my mind. “If the alternative is staying here without you to protect me then definitely, but I’m not going to have to kill anything, am I? I mean, I’m no vegetarian, but the thought of actually killing something doesn’t sit right with me.”

The way Typhon and Kull looked at me made me feel like a cretin and I wish I had kept my mouth shut. I don’t know why I felt a need to impress them. Was this some kind of accelerated Stockholm syndrome? I wish I could have labeled this strange feeling that possessed me. I couldn’t seem to escape this hold. I had never experienced this particular kind of impulse control before. I had studied it, and treated people who suffered from it,but as empathetic as I could be, experiencing it myself was an entirely different sensation.

“Let’s go,” Typhon grunted. He turned and I could sense the tension emanating from him. I wondered if he was annoyed by what he had seen from me and Kull. I glanced towards Kull, but I could discern nothing from the look in his eyes. My mind was becoming messy, and I had no idea how to handle these feelings. It was the first time in a long time where I didn’t feel in control and I have to admit, it felt exhilarating.

*

We left the stronghold without incident and ventured into the forest. Kull and Typhon sniffed the air, searching for prey. They were quiet, their furtive gazes seeing things that were beyond my capability. Typhon was still scowling, and I thought it might be wise to speak to him. I sidled up to him.

“Typhon, about what you saw earlier, I hope that it’s not going to make things awkward. I don’t want to get in between you and Kull. I have more insight into what you’ve been through, and I think that your relationship is important. I want to help you. I don’t want you to be annoyed at him.”

“I’m not annoyed. And I’m not displeased with what I saw. On the contrary, I enjoyed it,” he turned to look at me and when I was subjected to his gaze, I felt naked. In his brooding eyes I could almost see what he was imagining, my body twisted around, my mouth hanging open, Kull crushing me with his passion. My throat constricted and for a moment I found it impossible to breathe. The notion titillated me. I had always tried to bury my femininity in order to be seen as professional. There were many prejudices in my profession and the slightest hint of sensuality was seen as an admission that I was a sexual creature. So, I had always kept my appearance plain and worn conservative clothes. I never flirted or acted girlish and coquettish. I had subdued my sexual side for so long in orderto allow my professional side to flourish that now it was coming back with a vengeance and I wanted to unleash it. I wanted to allow myself to be a sexual creature, and I enjoyed the thought of Typhon watching me with Kull.

“If you must know,” he continued and I was shaken back into concentration, “I’m still annoyed at the Alpha, and the pack as a whole. I really did think that once I proved myself, they would accept me.”

It reminded me a lot of narcissistic parents who had unrealistic expectations for their children, holding them to standards that were impossible to meet.

“You know Typhon, I think one of the mistakes we can make is to judge ourselves by what other people think. I know this pack is important to you and by every right you do deserve a place among them and to be treated as equals. From what I can see there is no difference between you and them. They are being cruel by treating you this way, but trying to earn their respect is an impossible task because there is nothing you can do that will ever be good enough for them. They have decided to view you in a certain way and that is how things are always going to be. It’s never easy to accept, but it does require a new way of thinking. You need to reframe how you view yourself. You should not be beholden to their judgment. You need to develop a strong sense of self-worth. Judge yourself by how you feel you are doing and your own standards, not by theirs. I know this may not be applicable in your situation, but with a patient who would have a similar thing, I might suggest going with no contact for a while at least, just to give you some breathing room where you can look at things objectively and decide how you want to proceed. Have you and Kull ever thought of leaving the pack?”

He remained silent for a few moments. There was a pensive look on his face. “It’s not that simple,” he said, the words almost dropping out of his mouth like leaves from a tree.“They may not see us as their blood, but we are bound to the pack. There is a connection that goes beyond the physical plane. It’s spiritual in nature and we cannot simply turn our backs on it. We seek to belong, to be a part of something bigger than ourselves. It is in our nature as wolves. It may seem odd to you, but I am actually grateful to them for not treating us as outcasts. They could have exiled us to the wilderness a long time ago, but they keep us around.”

I furrowed my brow. “Have you ever wondered why?”

He rolled his shoulders. “I assume it’s so they can remind themselves that they are superior. The great experiment was a failure, and we are subject to ridicule. They can abuse us and take out whatever negative feelings they have without fighting amongst themselves. In a way I suppose we are good for morale.”

“You deserve better than that.”

“Sometimes the circumstances of the world cannot be changed,” he said, his words hollow and forlorn.

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