Page 23 of The Wolf's Secret Baby

“What happened?” Kull asked, beating me to it. I was intrigued too.

Ambrosia tucked her hair behind her ear. There was a reluctant look in her eyes, almost as though she regretted admitting this to us.

“He was my first boyfriend. This was before I knew any better. I thought I had to be a certain way so that he would be proud of me. I changed the way I dressed, my hair, my friends. I acted differently around him, trying to become the version of me that he wanted me to be, and it was a standard that I could never meet. He had my mind twisted around and at some point, I lost myself completely. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I didn’t recognize who I saw. My grades had slipped, I was moody, and I didn’t trust anyone. And still it wasn’t good enough. There were always things that he wanted me to do differently, always areas in which I could improve, and in the end it became tiresome. Thankfully one of my friends gave me a reality check. They called me out on my behavior, and it made me look at things from an outside perspective. I had turned into someone I never wanted to be, all because I had this skewed idea of how to be happy. I thought that if I could just earn this boy’s love then everything would fall into place, but it never would have happened. I could have stayed with him all my life and he would have always found fault with what I was doing. I wouldn’t be the woman I was today if I had stayed with him. So, I know what I’m talking about. This fixation you have with Vance isn’t healthyand if I’m being honest with you, I don’t think it’s going to bring you any kind of happiness in the long run.”

“I’ll think about your words,” I said. I was a little shaken at the insight she possessed. It was as though she had a window into my mind, able to conjure so many vulnerable thoughts. Nobody had ever spoken to me the way that she did. She may have been an ordinary human, but there was something remarkable about the way she could peel away the layers of my flesh to reveal the soul beneath and to force me to think about things I would rather have ignored. I preferred it when life was simpler, when I knew what I wanted and still believed that it was possible.

*

I remember the first time I knew I wanted to be as respected as Vance. Kull and I were still pups, yet to understand the true cruelty of the world. We were observed by our handlers and kept separate from the rest of the pack, at least for the majority of the time. Back then we hadn’t known anything different, so there wasn’t any anguish in our souls. It was what life was like. But there were moments when we were allowed to roam freely through the pack. We were amazed at the sights and sounds and at the presence of so many wolves who, we presumed, were just like us. Looking back on it now, I can see the way they looked at us. There was a mixture of disdain and pity in their eyes.

But I was too distracted by other things to notice. The main thing being Vance. I saw him striding through the world, looking as tall as a mountain and just as imposing. He commanded attention just by the way he moved, and he radiated a powerful aura. Our handlers explained that he was the Alpha, the most important wolf in the pack, and the one who guided the direction of the pack. I was in awe of him. When I looked at him, I knew that this was the type of wolf I wanted to be when I wasolder. I wanted to grow in stature until I could stand side by side with him, look him in the eye, and know that I was his equal. After all, our handlers told Kull and I that we had been born for a glorious purpose, that we were supposed to manifest the best of the wolves. It’s why they put us through such rigorous testing. Every element of our being was pushed to their limits, until they realized that we had reached a plateau. I wanted to show Vance that we could be what they hoped we would be, only for him to stop coming to visit us. Eventually we were bundled into our small alcove and given menial tasks. Ever since then I wanted an opportunity to prove myself to him but perhaps Ambrosia was right. How much energy had I expended in order to try and win his approval? Was it all wasted?

There was a sliver of a thought in the back of my mind that told me it could still happen, it just required something astounding and momentous. If I could perform an epic deed, then perhaps Vance would finally see in me what the wolves had hoped to see when Kull and I had been born. We could finally reach our potential, even if it had taken longer than expected.

So, I stared at Vali and his warriors. This alliance was only temporary, and it would only last for as long as they served my purpose. As for Ambrosia and Kull, I knew they would see sense eventually. These were not our people. They never would be. If we were going to avert this war, then it would be because we convinced Vance that there was a better path. When we discovered his secret method of victory, we could return to him; and he might be impressed that we had uncovered his secret. Perhaps the only way to earn Vance’s respect was to show him that we could make him vulnerable.

Chapter Eighteen

Ambrosia

I wasn’t sure Typhon had properly listened to what I had been trying to say. I had seen this fixation in patients before and it never ended well. They had such a rigid view of the world that any deviation from it caused them immense pain. I had managed to help wean some of them off it, but with Typhon I wasn’t sure. It was hard because I wasn’t sure how much of the psychology I learned was applicable to the situation given they were wolves. Their minds worked in different ways, ruled by this wild instinct that was far more potent than the one I possessed. Even so, I felt a deep-seated need to help him. Typhon and Kull were victims of abuse, even if they couldn’t quite admit that themselves. All the signs were there, however, and I couldn’t just turn my back on them. It was a messy situation given how my personal involvement had accelerated swiftly, and I still wasn’t entirely sure how to untangle my feelings. I was their prisoner, yet was this an unwanted fate? There was something about them that I simply couldn’t tear myself away from. When I thought of their power and strength I was intoxicated. I wondered if there was something in their natural scent like pheromones that inspired these feelings within me, or if there was something about them that fit an ideal of the male form that existed in the deepest parts of my mind, an ideal that nobody else had ever measured up to. Perhaps only people who were more than human could ever hope to inspire these feelings within me. They appealed to both my intellectual curiosity and my physical cravings. Even just thinking about the way it felt to have their hands upon me, or even to be fucking Kull while Typhon watched. I had loved beingthe center of attention, part of a show, and I wondered what other hidden desires they might uncover.

But that would all have to wait. I quelled these feelings of heat that undulated within. I didn’t want to show this side of myself in front of Vali and his warriors.

Speaking of Vali, while I wasn’t entirely sure what to make of him, I got a better instinct from him than I did from Vance. Typhon and Kull were the exceptions to wolves. Every other wolf I had encountered seemed cruel with a sneering tone. I sensed kindness from Vali, and a deep respect for nature. I wanted to help them protect their world, because it would lead to them protecting mine as well. I just couldn’t quite believe that Vance would have some weapon that could help him scar the world. It seemed absolutely preposterous, but perhaps I only thought this because of the propaganda drilled into my mind by the media. The message was constant; we had the best and biggest military in the world and woe betide anyone who dared incur our wrath because we would unleash hell upon them but were we prepared for the threat of werewolves? I couldn’t imagine there were discussions in the White House about the threat posed by supernatural creatures, so how would conventional defenses hold up against Vance and whatever weapon he wielded.

“We’re here,” Vali hissed, slowing his pace. He and his companions came to a stop. We were obscured by thick foliage, and we stood atop a hill looking down onto a small compound. There were a few outer buildings and a cave entrance. Simple wooden walls had been erected around the outpost, but it was tucked away into this secret part of the forest. I couldn’t imagine the chances of anyone stumbling over it by accident. I noticed Kull and Typhon looking confused.

“Do you know what this place is now that you’ve seen it?” Vali asked. His voice trembled with concern.

“I have no idea,” Typhon said.

“Vance didn’t exactly share these things with us, but we didn’t even know that places other than our home existed,” Kull added.

“Look, there are wolves there,” I pointed out. At least, I assumed they were wolves. They were milling about in the open air, moving from building to building. There were only a few of them, however.

“We should attack,” one of Vali’s men said.

Vali held up his hand. “We are not here to conduct violence if it is unnecessary. We are here to learn the truth about what exists in this place,” he then turned his attention towards us. “There are other places like this. We tried to sneak into one, but the wolves became aware of the scouting party and killed them.” He bowed his head. One of his companions scowled and I saw a dark revenge flickering in his eyes. I swallowed my fear. I was used to being detached from the horrors of the world in my private office that overlooked the city, as though I was a god far removed from the issues that tormented mere mortals. Death was an ever-present threat, and it caused a chill to run down my spine.

“We are not going to hurt our kind,” Typhon said.

“I’m not asking you to,” Vali held up his hands. “I just want to know what we’re up against. I want to know what’s being planned. Can you get in there and find out?”

“Yes we can,” I said.

“You’re not coming with us. It’s too dangerous,” Kull said.

I looked incensed. “I need to come! I can help. If there’s any issues, I can talk them round.”

“There is going to be an issue if we take you. It’s not going to be easy to explain bringing a human to them,” Typhon said, giving me a meaningful look. He then turned to Vali and spoke in a way that ensured he would not be misunderstand. “If anything should happen to her, I will tear you apart.” The menat his side bristled, but Vali gave him an understanding nod. Kull and Typhon began to peel away but I tugged at Kull’s arm. I felt bonded to them, and I wasn’t ready to be treated like this. I couldn’t believe they would just see me as someone they could leave behind.

“Wait, you can’t just leave me here. I thought we were in this together?”

“We are, but if we take you down there, they’re not going to trust us. If there is a secret, why would they reveal it to a human? It’s best if Kull and I go alone. We won’t be long,” Typhon said, his face resolute.

I felt hurt as they stepped away. I hoped they didn’t enjoy making me feel like this. They were acting as though they didn’t have a choice and while I could understand their reasoning I still felt as though I could have made a difference. I’m sure there was a way I could have convinced the other wolves that I wasn’t a threat. I suppose I should have been flattered that Typhon and Kull were so concerned with my wellbeing, but it wasn’t easy to watch them step away. I had spent every single moment with them since we had first encountered each other, and now it felt odd to be alone again. The attachment issues I felt were strong. Perhaps I needed some therapy of my own.

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