Page 53 of Not A Chance

I must have dozed off because I woke to Theo gently shaking my shoulder. He held a bowl of soup in his hand. A steaming cup of something sat on my bedside table. It was probably tea, but I’d drink anything hot at this point.

“You need to eat, baby. But first, take these.” He gave me a sweetsmile.

He set the soup down on the table and opened his palm to reveal some painkillers. After depositing them into my hand, he went out of the room and came back with a glass of water.

I moved my hand out from under the blanket to reach for them. I was afraid if I didn’t, he’d try to feed them to me, and even worse, I’d let him.

I popped the pills in my mouth, took the glass from him as well, and swallowed them with a few sips of water.

He put his palm to my forehead, letting it rest there while he peered into my eyes.

“Hopefully, they will help bring your fever down. When was the last time you ate anything?” He took my hand in both of his, giving it a gentle squeeze as he waited for my reply.

Instinct had me about to tell him not to worry about me, but the earnestness of his expression had me holding back the words.

Of all the ways he had taken care of me today, this moment felt the most intimate. I couldn’t stop the rush of emotion inside me that wanted to get used to having him care for me this way.

I couldn’t afford to let him slip through the permanent crack in my heart.

Frustration and helplessness warred for the top spot inside me.

I’d nearly lost it when I saw Indie leaning miserably against the tree in front of our building. Did she even realize how cold it was outside? The stupid hoodie with the wrong jersey number (I’d make sure to fix that right away) on it and a pair of thin pajama bottoms were no match against cold autumn winds in Toronto. It might not have snowed yet, but it was still cold enough to make her sicker.

I hadn’t been able to stop myself from picking her up and bringing her inside. Yeah, it might not have been my place to take over like that—I was sure she’d let me know when she was well enough to yell at me again—but no part of me could stand there and let her freeze even a minute longer.

Frustrated at myself for not pressing her when she’d said she’d come down with a cold that was “no big deal,” I left her in her bed and made my way to her kitchen to look for a thermometer.

When she’d replied with short, generic texts while I was away for back-to-back series, I’d thought she was trying to give me thebrush-off. She’d turned me down twice when I’d asked to see her last night and then this morning. I’d come home ready to battle my way through whatever excuses she was going to give me about keeping our connection to a “one-night thing.”

Now, I knew she hadn’t been lying about the cold. She’d been downplaying how unwell she felt. My chest hurt at the idea that it hadn’t even occurred to her to ask for my help.

Indie wasn’t alone. She had me. I was going to keep on being there for her until she understood that this was where I wanted to be.

I dug around in the kitchen for any medicine that could bring down her fever. When I found nothing in her cupboards, I nudged a couple of things aside in her purse and hit the jackpot.

Not only did I find a bottle of medicine, but a ratty old piece of paper also fell out of her wallet. Not able to overcome the impulse to read it, I scanned what looked to be a bucket-list type thing. I quickly added an item of my own at the bottom with a nearby pen before stuffing it back in her bag.

I could only hope when she found out, she would forgive me. I wanted to be the one she chose to have all those new experiences with.

When I returned to her room with some soup and medicine, Indie was in the same position as when I’d left her bedroom. She’d fallen asleep in the few minutes I’d been gone.

Gizmo, who was awake, looked at me expectantly from her dog bed. Lifting her head, she made a little huffing noise through her nose, causing one side of her lips to roll inward.

“Why didn’t you tell me that she was this sick? Just because you can’t talk, do you think that’s a valid reason for not giving me the inside scoop?” I asked.

Giz just cocked her head at me and laid back down again with an “I can’t believe how delusional these hoomans are” kind of sigh.

“You’re right. It’s not your job. I just wish I’d been here to take care of her sooner.” I gave Giz a small stroke on her head with two of my fingers. She was such a tiny dog that I couldn’t even use my whole hand to pet her. “You’re a very good girl keeping Mommy company.”

I shook two pills into my hand and gently pressed her shoulder to wake her up. It took a couple of soft movements of my hand, and she was squinting up at me.

“You need to eat, baby. But first, take these.” I braced myself for her refusal, but she just nodded minutely, put them in her mouth after I gave them to her, and swallowed them with the glass of ice water I handed her next.

I couldn’t stop myself from touching her. Truthfully, I wanted to climb in that bed with her and hold her so I could feel the second her fever started to go down and make sure she got enough sleep, but I’d taken a lot of liberties today with carrying her inside and now delivering food and medicine.

I settled for just holding her hand, hopefully reassuring her that I wanted to stay.

I didn’t want her to put up any walls and throw me out for being too much. She still hadn’t said anything, so I didn’t know what she was thinking or how she was feeling.

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