Page 76 of Back On Ice

Her honey-brown eyes are glassy and red rimmed as they take me in, appraising me, but she says nothing. She doesn’t pull her hands away from me, though.

I deserve the silence. I also deserve for her to scream at me. But I just need her to listen to what I have to say, so maybe it’s a good thing she’s not speaking, considering our history of how me trying to explain myself has gone.

“I shouldn’t have left. It was so,sowrong of me. You have every right to be furious. I was a complete and total asshole. Idon’t deserve your forgiveness for my reaction, but I’m going to beg for it anyway. You need to know what happened that day.” I swallow roughly, attempting to get the next words out.

She doesn’t move. She doesn’t acknowledge me in any way, her face practically void of any emotion. But I know that look. That’s her trying-not-to-cry look. Hopefully, I won’t be the cause of any more tears.

“Last night, before I came to see you, I drove past Mom’s house and I saw…Dad.” She stiffens as her eyes widen, but I keep going. “He was trying to break into Mom’s house and thank fuck she was still away at her retreat, otherwise I don’t know what could have happened. I was terrified, Soph. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he could do to you if he found out about us or questioning why the hell he was even in the area. No matter what, I knew it couldn’t be good. I was going to take Mom and run. Get her out before he could make our lives hell again. I wanted to ask you to come, but I couldn’t expect you to uproot your life with no guarantee of safety. When I came to you, I was going to say goodbye.”

A little sound of protest escapes her, and I don’t miss the new tears in her eyes as she studies me, listening to my every word. So I continue, “But then you told me about… about this little life growing inside of you, and all I could see was how my dad could rip everything away. How can I keep a child safe when I can’t even…” I choke on my words. “When I can’t even keep you, my mom, or myself safe? When I can’t escape the one man who could absolutely ruin everything for us? I shouldn’t have run, I know that. But all I could think about was that I needed to figure out how to protect my family. And I needed to do it right away.

“So I left to do just that, not even realizing I didn’t utter a single word. Then, I started to think of every possibility of how I could fuck it up. How I don’t know how to be a good dad, and I got scared. It was like a siren going off in my head, warning methat I would only cause harm to the baby. That Dad was the only example of a father I had growing up, and I’ll become just like him.” My words are wobbly, but it’s not in fear anymore. No, it’s in barely restrained anger athim.

“Carter, no. You’renothinglike him,” she says fiercely, her eyes burning with determination.

“I’m coming to realize that.” I give her a sad smile, squeezing her hands, before I tell her the rest. “I knew that I had to get him as far away from Ivy Glen as possible for that to happen. I went and saw him, thinking maybe, if I figure out what he wants, I can give it to him and keep him away from all of us. He wants… well, almost everything. Half my yearly salary, plus five hundred thousand dollars by the end of the week. He says if I give it to him, he’ll leave Ivy Glen and stay away.”

“Do you think he actually would?” she asks, sniffling slightly.

“I don’t know. If I know my dad, it would get him to stay away for maybe a year, tops. But then he’d come back. He always does. I know that now. I thought maybe just giving him the money and leaving anyway would be best. If he never knew the baby was mine, he’d have no reason to come after you.” Sophie’s eyes light up in anger, but before she can rip me a new one, I keep going. ”But… then I talked to Mom. She made me realize how wrong I’ve been about everything.”

Taking a deep breath, I look straight into her shining honey-brown eyes. “Mom was the one who helped me find the strength I needed to stand up to Dad. She made me see how I am nothing like him, and I never will be. And then…” I shake my head, a small laugh leaving me. “Then she handed over all the evidence we would ever need to put him in prison. She’s been collecting it for years. All the proof we need to get the cops on him is sitting in a box in my hotel room right now.”

She looks like she’s about to speak again, but I need to get all of this out.

“I love you so, so much.” My voice wavers, needing her to know just how much I mean it. “I was a coward. I had decided that leaving would be better than putting you in danger, when really, I was taking away your choice in the matter. I made all these decisions that affect your life… without you. I was trying to keep you safe, but all I did was push you away. All I want is to protect you and the baby. I want… no, Ineedto be with you Sophie. You are it for me. I am completely, unashamedly, unconditionally, in love with you and our child..”

She almost knocks me over when she throws herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck and nuzzling close. My heart stutters as she wraps her legs around my waist and I situate us so I’m sitting on the floor, holding her close.

Feeling her against me for the first time in over six weeks is like finally being able to breathe again. Like a piece I didn’t even realize was missing locks into place. My arms wrap around her middle like I want to keep her there permanently. We just sit there, her wrapped around me like a koala and me, breathing her in, reveling in the feel of her.

She feels like home.

“I love you too,” she murmurs into my ear, not moving from her position. “And I’m sorry I didn’t believe you about Nicole. I know you wouldn’t hurt me like that. But I saw her texts, and it was like reliving graduation night. I wish I had answered your texts before you left, or even agreed to see you, but it was easier for me to fall back into self-preservation mode. I shouldn’t have done that though, you’ve more than proven yourself when it comes to me, and you deserved more. Whatever comes next, we’ll face it together. But,” she pulls back, her hands on my shoulders as she looks me in the eyes, “don’t ever pull shit like that again. If we’re going to be together, we need to be a team. That means no sacrificing yourself for the greater good,no just deciding we’d be safer without you, andtellingme when something like this happens.”

Swallowing roughly, I nod “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I mean it, Carter. I know it’s a default mode for you, but you’re going to have to get past it if you want to keep me around.

“I’m never going to disappear on you again.” My hands grip her waist. “And from now on, I’m telling you everything as it happens.”

“Good.” She sighs. “I promise to listen to what you have to say instead of immediately going on the defensive and running away. And…” she looks at me and raises a brow, “I’m going to the police station with you. I want to see you take that bastard down.”

Her eyes are no longer glassy, instead shining with a fierceness that I’ve seen so many times. She looks so damn beautiful that I can’t help but stare at her, wondering how I got so lucky.

She’s going to be an amazing mother. Her heart, her protectiveness, her loyalty, her determination. How she pours all of herself into everything she does—this baby is going to be the most loved child on the planet.

“What?” she asks, her expression softening when she realizes I’m not saying anything.

Smiling, I shrug. “Just thinking about how lucky I am. How I get to have the love of my lifeandhave a baby with her.”

She smiles blindingly at me, and then her eyes dart to my mouth. I don’t know who moves first, but one second, we’re staring at each other, and the next, we’re crashing together in a soul-consuming kiss.

Every emotion that I have for her pours into the kiss as our tongues dance together. Her soft lips on mine light my skin on fire, and I pull back, breathing hard. She lays her head on myshoulder, her chest moving up and down as she catches her breath.

“You’re tired,” I note, running a hand through her hair.

“Moreso in the last couple of weeks. Baby needs a lot of energy,” she murmurs into my shirt.

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