Page 74 of Back On Ice

“I’ve been illustrating and writing children’s books for a while now, but I never had the courage to tell anyone about it, let alone publish them.” She gives me a soft smile. “This retreat that you sent me on… the people I met… I know now that the strength I need has always been there. Your dad did his best to squash it, and strip it from me entirely.” She gets up and starts pacing, like she can’t get the words out if she’s sitting still. “No more, Carter. Nothing and no one is going to do that to me again. I’m going to start living my life the way I want. The first step is publishing these books. And every single one will be dedicated toyou.”

My heart stutters in my chest. Me? But I failed her so many times. I couldn’t keep her safe. My head shakes, “No, Mom, I?—”

“Don’t you dare tell me you don’t deserve it, Carter Williams.” She interrupts me with conviction in her voice. “It wasyouwho savedme. You’ve helped me realize that I don’t need to be afraid anymore. You pushed me to get the help I need to live my life freely for the first time in almost thirty years.” She stops pacing, takes a deep breath, and faces me. “I will not be a doormat anymore. This is me finding my strength again.”

Swallowing, I nod, tears welling in my eyes.

She looks at me softly, coming over and sitting next to me again. “Do you want to read them?”

When I nod again, she takes the tablet from me, scrolling back to the first book, “Little Carter Joins the Race”.

And so I read them. I go through every single one, sometimes laughing out loud at the antics these kids get up to, and alwaysfeeling pride for Mom when the story reaches its conclusion, a life lesson learned. Smiling faces, eyes full of joy are illustrated beautifully on the screen.

“How…” I trail off after I read the last one, the one with Mom’s own name that she said she wrote while at the retreat. “How can you see so much good in childhood when our story is anything but?”

At that, she grasps my hand, and looks me in the eyes. “I know that your childhood was not as happy as it could have been. I should have left your father a long time ago. I am so sorry, Carter. I was the adult and you were the child; I should have protected you. Instead, it was you who protected me. The guilt from my lack of action used to feel worse than any pain he inflicted. But now I’ve had the chance to heal. To be inspired. To learn. I realize that it was never my fault, just like it was never yours. It was only your father’s. He was the only one at fault for his actions. He’s had both of us in his trap for too long, and I refuse to give that man anymore power over our lives. So, despite our history, and the way our lives have played out… I choose to hope. And just because mistakes were made in the past, that doesn’t mean that the future can’t be bright.”

The future. Sophie. Ourbaby.

“Mom…” I choke out, my chest tightening. Will she be disappointed with how I reacted? Will she think that I’ll be just like Dad and fuck it all up? I have to tell her everything. She’s stronger now, she can handle it. And she needs to know about Sophie, about Dad… all of it.

She senses my shift in demeanor and looks at me with concern in her eyes. “What is it, sweetie?”

“Sophie… she’s pregnant,” Mom lets out a little sound that is a mix between shock and excitement, but doesn’t say anything, letting me continue, “and I’m scared. When she told me… I freaked out. What if I’m just like Dad? I don’t want the baby tohave the same childhood that I had.” Then I swallow, trying to get the next words out with a strong, steady voice. “And… he’s back. He wants more money, and if I know Dad… it won’t stop at this. If we let this continue, one way or another, he may end up with every penny. Right now, he wants five hundred thousand and half my salary for the next year. I have no idea how to keep you and Sophie safe,andhandle dad at the same time?”

Mom is silent, looking down at the floor. I expect tears or panic, Hell, I half worry that all the work she’s accomplished over the last three months will be undone.

“You can’t.” She finally looks at me.

“I… what?” I let out a shocked laugh. It’s not funny, but… what the hell?

“You can’t do it all, Carter. Because your father will never stop. Not unless he’s taken down once and for all. And I’m going to help you.” She nods with finality and stands. “Come with me.”

Dumbstruck, I follow her up the stairs as she moves with purpose, pausing when we get to the door to the attic. She pulls it down and heads up the ladder, me trailing behind her.

“What are we doing up here?” I ask, coughing at the dust swirling around as Mom starts moving boxes.

“Back when you were in high school,” Mom calls out from between a stack of them, “your father had me managing some paperwork for the car dealership and sometimes he would bring paperwork home from the council. If I would come across anything that seemed suspicious—numbers or transactions that didn’t quite add up, or vehicle loan interest rates that didn’t match the paperwork from the lender—I would make a copy and store it up here. Aha!” She cries in victory, pulling out a gray, unassuming box from the bottom of a stack of old belongings. “Here,” she says, pushing the box towards me and motioning for me to open it.

In it are stacks and stacks of invoices, audits, and ledgers.

“What exactly am I looking at here??” I ask, thumbing through a chunk of the documents I had picked up.

“Embezzlement, false financial reporting, and predatory lending at the dealership,” she says proudly. “Finally my business administration degree is paying off.

“I had been too afraid to say anything,” she continues, “I thought he might hurt me, or worse, you, and so I kept quiet. But I’m not scared anymore.” She pushes the box towards me. “Take it to the police station, and see if they can do anything with it.”

“I’ll take it tomorrow morning.” I nod at the box. “We’ll make sure he pays for everything he’s done.”

“Good.” She smiles, and it’s a smile I don’t think I’ve ever seen on her. Not a hint of hesitancy or fear. “And Carter?”

“Yeah, Mom?” I put the lid back on the box and tuck it under my arm.

“You can’t let him take anything else from you. Don’t worry about me, I’m not afraid of him anymore.” She gives me a rueful smile. “Let him come, I’ll call the cops. I’m finally ready to do what I should have done when you were younger, and stand up to that bastard. And in the meantime…” she levels me with an understanding but firm look, “Sophie knows what kind of man you are. You just need to explain why you reacted how you did. We both know that she’s the only one who’s ever held your heart.”

She places a hand on my cheek. “No one will be a better father than you. You are nothing likehim. Just look at the compassion you’ve shown over the years. For Tom, how you’ve sent him money around the holidays because you wanted to help him even when you couldn’t be there. For Sophie, making the ultimate sacrifice in pushing her away to keep her safe from your dad. Hell, even for the Twin Rinks, which wouldn’t have gotten the full makeover it needs if it weren’t for you. Carter TheodoreWilliams, you are everything that is good and strong in this world, and this child will be lucky to have a father like you.”

Her words hit me hard. If Mom, who’s seen every ugly and fucked up part of Dad, can look at me and tell me I’m nothing like him? I’m having a little bit of an easier time believing it.

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