Page 26 of Back On Ice

“Yeah, okay. Fine,” I say tightly, not wanting to admit she was right. Of course, that didn’t stop everyone at school fromasking me what happened with Carter and me. If we had broken up before or after the pictures were posted. Seeing a way to escape with a little less embarrassment, I told them we had broken up a month before. Nobody except Abbie and Gwen knows the truth.

Even my parents don’t know the whole story, which is probably why they still love him. I’ve fielded no less than twelve texts since he got back into town from Mom, asking me if I’ve seen him yet.

Abbie left shortly after since she got here too early for lunch and only gets an hour break, and I spent the rest of the workday in a haze, running our conversation through my mind. At some point Kerry had brought me something from the cafe a few doors down, and I ate it absently, mulling over our conversation.

Is it possible I’ve had it wrong the last nine years? My thoughts ping-pong betweenCarter was just as in love with me as I was with him, andabsolutely not. Even if the pictures were misleading, he never had allowed anything like that to happen before.

After graduation, I questioned everything about our relationship. Could he have been unhappy the entire time we were together? Did I imagine how deep our connection went? DidIdo something wrong?

So many hours were spent agonizing over it, but a year later, I pushed it all to the back of my mind, determined to never speak to or see Carter’s face again.

Things with Carterhadbeen good. After all this time, after all of the years of wondering in the back of my mind where we went wrong… what if there’s areason?

The thought runs repeatedly through my mind for the rest of the day, even as I leave Kerry to close up the shop and drive to pick Jordan up from Theo’s house since Tom was still busy at the rink. Grabbing pizzas on the way home—one Hawaiian and onepepperoni pizza as always—since there is no way I’m cooking after the day I’ve had, we hang out and wait for Tom to get home shortly after.

While I enjoy the comfort of our routine, Abbie’s words never leave my head. Once dinner and homework are done, and Jordan heads upstairs to get ready for bed, the words spill out of me.

“Tom?”

“Yeah, Soph?” Tom looks up to meet my eyes.

How am I going to word this? I want to be sensitive, but I also can’t tiptoe around this subject any longer.

“How…” I sigh, shaking my head. This is harder than I thought. “How can you be friends with Carter after everything? He never even showed when everything happened. I thought at least if he didn’t show up for me, he’d come for you.”

“Hmm.” Tom’s mouth forms a tight line as he drums his fingers on the table. He seems lost in thought. I’m about to tell him never mind when he finally speaks, not meeting my eyes. “Things were hard… back then. For everyone. Your eyes were red on that graduation stage, and then the accident happened, but we weren’t the only ones having shit hit the fan. I get where you’re coming from, Sophie. I really do. But…”

He takes a breath and looks at me from across the table, his blue eyes swirling with emotion. “Listen, it’s not my story to tell. But you should talk to Carter. It may not fix everything, or anything, really. But it won’t hurt.”

My mouth opens to demand an explanation, but before anything comes out, he continues, “Above all else, I want you to be happy. Trust me, if Carter was truly a bad guy, I wouldn’t still be friends with him.”

He had his reasons? Reasons legitimate enough that Tom understands?

I consider a moment, resisting the urge to smother the spark of hope in my chest. Is it possible that he didn’t rip out my heart because he’s an asshole? He’s been the villain in my mind for so long, but Tom wouldn’t lie to me. He’s always come through for me. Maybe I need to listen to him now.

Once in my room, I open my desk drawer, reaching all the way into the back. There, folded so small, it’s the size of a silver dollar, is the note that Carter left for me after his dad forced him to leave early for Notre Dame.

I had reread this letter so many times the first month he was gone, the ink splotched out where the creases of the folds are. I remember sitting across from Carter’s mom at their kitchen table, and she handed me the note. The first few lines jump out at me now:

Hey Soph,

If you’re reading this, it means I didn’t get a chance to tell you all this in person, and for that, I’m really sorry. First up, I need you to know that I love you.

My dad made me come home last night, and dropped the bomb that not only am I admitted to Notre Dame, but I’m being pre-drafted for the NHL, which is huge. I’m really sorry I didn’t straight up tell you about Notre Dame. I didn’t think I’d even get in.

I also didn’t think my dad would drag me out to Indiana months before school starts, so maybe we can’t trust my judgment anymore. He took my phone so I’m not “distracted”, though I’m not sure what there is to focus on during a thirteen hour drive besides my phone. You know how my dad can be.

I’m going to look into local colleges for you while I’m here, and see if there’s a place where they post summer jobs for both of us. He can’t keep us apart, Sophie, I won’t let him. No matter what he says, I’m my own man, and I want what I want—and I want you. Always.

Hang tight, Soph. I’ll figure this out. I don’t care if I have to use an office phone or borrow one of my teammates phones, I’ll be in touch. I need to hear your voice.

Remember, it’s you and me, Soph.

Love,

Carter

We had been so in love.

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