Page 54 of Mistletoe Kisses

Lucas came in, hung his coat, and kicked off his shoes. “Hey! How’d it go today? Did you go to the bookstore?” When he turned to me, his smile immediately fell. He lowered his voice. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. The bookstore was good.”

Lucas strode over and pulled me into a tight hug, then tugged me over to the couch to sit next to him. “I’m glad. You seem tense. Did something happen?”

I let out a long breath. Just having him there made me feel better. “No. It went great, actually.”

Lucas rubbed my leg. “That’s wonderful!” He looked around. “Did you just get back?”

“No, I’ve been here a few hours.”

A wrinkle formed in Lucas’s eyebrow before it smoothed. “Ah. Are new spaces tough for you?”

My shoulders dropped. “Sometimes. Yeah. Other people’s spaces.” I didn’t know how to describe it to him. How to say that intellectually, I knew there was no reason not to make myself at home. Lucas had told me multiple times. But sometimes, my brain didn’t make the connection between intellect and action.

When I looked to Lucas to find the words to explain, the understanding in his eyes told me I didn’t need to.

“It looks like you haven’t touched anything except for turning on the television. I don’t even see a glass of water.” He grabbed my hand and angled his body toward me. “I’d love it if you felt comfortable here, like it’s your home, even though it’s temporary. You can leave your towel on the bathroom floor, dishes in the sink, or watch TV in your boxers. Whatever you’d do at home. I’m not particular about anything, and if I was, I would tell you. I promise.”

“Are you sure?” My voice was small.

Lucas cupped my cheek, and his thumb brushed it. “A hundred percent sure. How about we unpack your stuff?” He stood and pulled me to my feet. Without letting go of my hand, he led me to his bedroom.

I watched as he tugged tank tops off their hangers and tossed them into the corner of his closet.

“I’m not going to need these for months and months. Here are some hangers for you. I’ll clear out a drawer too.” It only took Lucas a few minutes to make space for me. It felt like he was making space for more than my clothes.

As soon as he finished moving the pants from the drawer to the top of a container of drawers in his closet, I grabbed his shoulders and kissed him.

Lucas responded eagerly and navigated us to the bed. He climbed onto it, resting against the headboard, and pulled me onto his lap. Hot, frantic kisses slowed to a more leisurely pace than racing to a finish line. I wasn’t sure I’d kissed without an end goal before. It was like we could do it anytime we wanted, for a few minutes or an hour. He could come home from work, and we could fall together onto the couch. I wanted that time with him instead of the looming ticking clock weighing on me, reminding me we only had a short time together.

After a while, I pulled back and stared into his eyes. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

I slid my fingers into his hair, and his eyes closed at my touch. “For not making me feel like a freak.”

Lucas’s eyes flew open. “You’re no more a freak than me. I’m sure we all are in some way or another, but there’s nothing wrong with you.”

I’d always assumed there was something wrong with me as I’d grappled with not having a dad during my childhood, why my mom had worked so much instead of spending time with me, and why it had always been so hard to make friends. Other people didn’t seem to get so derailed by the smallest things or couldn’t easily never leave the house outside of work or errands.

“Thank you. I think I needed to hear that.” I dropped my head onto Lucas’s shoulder and wrapped my arms around him to absorb the comfort he so freely gave. Christmas was still over a week away, and this was already the best Christmas I’d ever had. Even if I ended up spending Christmas Day cleaning the ruined stuff in my apartment, I would be happy for the season because of the time I’d gotten with Lucas.

As he wrapped his arms around my waist, I relaxed more deeply than I had in a long time. Muscles I hadn’t even realized were tense, unknotted. Lucas made me feel settled. Relaxed, safe.

“How’d lunch go with Reed?”

Lucas groaned. “Great and terrible.”

I lifted my head to look at him. “What happened?”

“Can you keep a secret for the week?”

“Of course,” I said seriously. “How could it have been both great and terrible?”

Lucas let out a breath. “Reed is going to propose to Warren.”

“Is that the great or terrible part?”

---