Page 84 of Relief Pitcher

I clapped his back between the shoulder blades. “Why are you nervous? You’re not the one talking.” We agreed that we would co-write the speech, I would do all the talking, and he would cook me dinner five times next month.

We made our way to the deejay booth in the corner to grab a microphone.

“Hello, everyone. Can I have your attention? It’s time to embarrass our parents.”

I heard chuckling as the din in the room quieted.

“I’m sure most of you know us: Tyler and Seth. Especially if you’ve been to our parents’ home since it’s basically a shrine to our childhoods. There’re far too many naked baby photos for my liking. I’d rather not think of how many of you have seen our butts.” I paused and scrunched my face. “Too late.”

“Christ,” Seth muttered while laughter erupted around us.

Had he seriously not expected me to go off-script? Had he met me?

“Half the gay men in Portland have seen your ass.”

More laughter, but some of it had definitely shifted to awkward chuckles. That sounded an awful lot like my cousin, who was stuck in a miserable marriage. He’d given me serious shit in the past for sleeping around, but he could continue being jealous while I had a hell of a lot of fun.

“Lucky them,” I said, earning more genuine laughs.Score one for Ty.“But enough about my perfect butt because we’re here to talk about the perfect marriage.” A smooth transition if I said so myself.

“My parents have been married longer than we’ve been alive. I don’t think I’ve liked anything my entire life except for licorice, and I’m not sure I’d marry that. My brother and I grew up in a home that prioritized showing love. We were taught that there’s nothing shameful about showing people you care for them and that love can come in many forms.”

As I spoke, my eyes kept doing this annoying thing where they searched for Cooper, which was uncomfortable as hell. Looking at him while I was talking about love.JesusChrist, brain. Can you chill for a minute?

“The strongest love I’ve seen is the love between my parents. They’ve supported each other without question during the ups and downs. Ups, like my birth, downs, like his birth.” I jerked my thumb to my brother, who was definitely going to try to kick my ass later. Mom attempted a stern look, but her laughter cut through.

“Mom and Dad, Seth and I are eternally grateful for having been raised by you. You showed us that arguments can be resolved, troubles can be overcome if we support each other, and that surrounding yourself with people you care about makes life worth living.”

Tears shone in Mom’s eyes as Dad pulled her closer.

“For so many of us, you have modeled how amazing a strong marriage can be.” I smiled at them and squeezed Seth’s shoulder.

“Too bad the marriage gene skipped a generation.” Jim, a rowdy old friend of my dad’s, laughed at his own comment. People around him turned toward him with shocked expressions.

“Touché.” I forced a convincing laugh. “I think someone needs to be cut off,” I stage-whispered to Seth and winked toward the crowd. The way Jim’s face turned red was satisfying as hell.

I involuntarily glanced at Coop, and his jaw was tight as he glared daggers at the old man. A downside of being the jokester was people thought they could toss it back without it affecting me. But laughing after saying something cruel didn’t make it a joke.

Seth tensed next to me, but I continued, refusing to let the comment interfere with my parents’ day. It stung. Surprisingly so. Before meeting Coop, I would’ve replied with something like “Damn right!” I used to wear my lack of relationship experience like a badge of honor, but now I felt inadequate. I’d always prided myself on being competent at things. My job, maintaining close friendships, sex. But being in my thirties and falling hard for someone for the first time? I was the furthest from competent possible.

“I may not have much experience with love, but I can understand how important it is and that when you find it, you don’t let it go.” There was a round of awws.

Meeting Cooper had turned my life upside down. I hadn’t gone to a bar, gotten on Grindr, or fucked a single guy other than Coop in months. It wasn’t out of some sense of obligation to him either, but because navigating a mediocre hookup with a stranger didn’t hold half the appeal of the time I spent with Cooper. Our sex was full of fun and laughter, and we’d gotten to know each other’s bodies in a way I’d never experienced before. All the things Austin and Ethan had said they felt when they were falling for Caleb and Parker? I understood now.

I was falling in love with Cooper. Me. Falling in romantic love with someone. The realization hit me like I was rolling up the roller-coaster track, but then the drop hit. The regret. Not regret over how I felt for Cooper—because I would never regret that—but regret that I’d gotten him tangled up with me and my laughable lack of relationship experience. I rubbed my chest and forced the thought away to examine when there weren’t a hundred people staring at me.

I wrapped my arm around Seth’s shoulders. “My parents never let each other go, and now we’re here to celebrate their forty amazing years together. Congratulations to our marvelous parents who show love to each other and to everyone in this room every day. We love you.”

While people cheered, I handed the mic back to the deejay and welcomed tearful hugs from my parents before moving to the side so they could give their remarks. I was a fucking mess on the inside, but I refused to let that show. Not on Mom and Dad’s big day.

As I listened to my parents talk about their love for each other, I tried to stay in the moment. It was nearly impossible because my mind kept wandering to the comment. Was that how people saw me? Some fuck-up who couldn’t hack a relationship? They weren’t wrong. What if I messed it up? What if I hurt the man I cared so deeply for?

I looked for Cooper again and found him smiling at me. The man who’d soothed me was also the source of my turmoil. I smiled back, and while my shoulders relaxed, my heart hurt. He was perfect. Caring. The gesture he made for my parents? A man as good as Cooper deserved the world. Deserved someone who could take care of his heart. I wanted the honor of that job but didn’t know how.

It was like I was up to bat, bottom of the ninth, bases loaded in a tied game, all eyes on me. But I didn’t have a bat or my cleats. All the pressure was on my shoulders, but I wasn’t equipped to win.

Cooper deserved to stand in a barn like this after forty years of marriage. Fuck, he’d been on that path, and he should’ve had that with Aleck. I heard a crow caw outside the barn doors. I wasn’t a mathematician, but I knew the odds sided with most relationships failing. I didn’t want my ineptitude to be the reason Cooper got hurt, but I also didn’t want to let him go. God, was there a class or something I could take? How to Not Fuck Up Relationships 101.

When I noticed people clapping, I joined in and tried to shake off the moody thoughts. I shouldn’t let some asshole old man get the better of me. Coop had known my track record, or lack thereof, from day one and hadn’t run. So, why should I?

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