Page 26 of Perfect Blend

“Sorry. The kid was about to mow you down.” His voice was rougher than moments before.

“Thanks for saving me the embarrassment. Falling on my ass after tripping in heels is one thing, but getting knocked over by a five-year-old? Reputation ruiner.”

One side of Dave’s mouth curled into a devastating smile. I couldn’t get enough of his dimples.

I took in his image with the full, trimmed beard since it was probably the last time I would see it.For now, anyway.

He cleared his throat and released me. Despite the warm, sunny day, I felt cold. He turned and walked to the next sign, which talked about the Ace spectrum. “What did you say about Seattle?”

“I told him it’s fine. I’ve enjoyed it there, but I’m not sure it’s where I want to end up.” Chicago wasn’t either, but I needed to get the promotion before worrying about that. I risked a glance at Dave and found him looking at me with hopeful eyes.

“Where do you want to end up?”

Oregon.When I’d first moved away with my family, it had seemed like an exciting adventure, but it hadn’t taken long to miss my home. Then I’d been accepted to the University of Washington, met my ex, and started my life. My sister had moved to LA years ago, and my parents spent half the year in their second home in Phoenix. It wasn’t like they would miss me if I moved elsewhere.

“I miss Oregon. Seattle is sobig.” Living in a rural area had always appealed to me.

“Could you do the digital nomad thing and try living in a few places?”

“I could, but I really like my job.”

“Isn’t it remote?”

I nodded. I should tell him. “But if I get the promotion, there’s a chance they’d want me to move to Chicago, where the company has its office.”

Dave swallowed and kept his eyes trained ahead. I caught the tic in his jaw. “Chicago, huh? That’s even bigger than Seattle, yeah?”

“It is. Not really where I want to be, but I really want the job. I prefer the idea of living somewhere that feels like a close community.” Somewhere like Dahlia Springs.

I would never get the life I’d envisioned in Seattle. As soon as my ex had admitted what he’d been hiding from me, the place had been tainted. All those dreams of doing things around Seattle with the man I loved, with our family, had disappeared before they’d had a chance.

“It makes me nervous to move away from a big population though.”

Dave’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

We stopped at a sign talking about Oregon’s history of gay marriage legislation. I remained silent as I decided how much to share. A family approached and read the sign, and the kids asked their parents questions about marriage equality. It warmed my heart to witness such thoughtful conversations in a family.

It was exactly the kind of parent I’d planned to be.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Jack was the only person I’d bared my soul to about my ex. It was a hell of a lot easier to do it in a Discord chat than in person.

Once the family wandered away, I spoke. “I might not be a mathematician, but I can assume the odds of meeting a partner have to be higher in a city with a big population like that.”

“Is that what you want? To meet someone?”

I looked at him. “Yeah, I do. I really want to be a dad and have a family.” My voice cracked at the end. “I was close to getting that.”

“But you got divorced.” Dave’s voice was kind as he cupped my shoulder next to my neck and squeezed.

I let myself lean into him, his strength, for a moment. “That’s why we split.”

Dave remained silent, which I appreciated. I needed a moment to gather my nerve to talk about it.

“When we were getting serious, we both said we wanted kids. He had lots of siblings, and I had tons of cousins. We wanted our own loud family.”

I clenched my jaw. It wasn’t until Dave gently rubbed his open palm between my shoulder blades that I relaxed.

“Over the years, we talked about it all the time. The neighborhoods with good schools, getting a bigger car, how to budget a college fund, even taking steps toward finalizing our decision of adoption or using a gestational carrier.” My body tensed like it was going into fight-or-flight mode as the onslaught of tainted memories peppered my mind. “Right when we were about to take the next step with a potential carrier, he admitted he didn’t want to have children.”And had been feeling that way for a few years,but I didn’t need to share all the gruesome details.

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