Page 64 of Eternal Hoptimist

I should ask Parker what he thought. It would be nice to have an outside perspective from someone who wasn’t as close to Dom or invested in his happiness or the business. The fact that I was thinking of going to Parker with random life stuff made my throat dry. He’d become an important part of my life whether I wanted him to or not. Now I had to figure out what came next. Or I could take it one day at a time for once.

CHAPTER 24

PARKER

Hector:What a milestone you’ve achieved. You get to go to the extra boring work functions. Just wait until you become a partner

Parker:At least the booze will be better

Hector:True. Is it like the levels in Scientology? Achieving partner

Parker:I am on the path to ultimate enlightenment

Hector:I can’t remember, is it Scientology or equity partnership that requires you to give a lot of your money?

Parker:…wow. Both?

* * *

While standing in my boss’s West Hill multi-million-dollar home, I watched Ethan charm two of my coworkers and their spouses. He could find a point of connection with anyone. Hired caterers wandered through with trays of drinks and fancy hors d’oeuvres. There was even a heated tent in the spacious backyard where dinner would be served. I couldn’t imagine having that level of wealth.

“This is your beer?” My colleague’s husband held the glass up to the light.

“It is. Lovely surprise to find it here tonight.” He smiled at me, then talked about the brewery and other beers.

I’d been surprised as well when Glen welcomed us and shared that he’d specifically asked the caterer to serve Tap That beers. A thoughtful gesture to include my partner. For a moment, I wondered if I’d become unnecessarily jaded about my employer if they did such considerate things. Then I remembered ordering a couple of kegs of my partner’s beer didn’t come close to making up for the long days and hectic job.

I should be happy I was so damn close to reaching the next level in my career, especially in my thirties, which was nearly unheard of. That would be one hell of an accomplishment to carry through the rest of my professional life.

As Ethan happily chatted about the brewery, I thought about how he’d gone above and beyond to support me. Whatever went on between us had already surpassed the confines of our agreement. I couldn’t pinpoint when it happened, but he’d quickly become the person I relied on and who I vented to at the end of a long day, despite it being through a phone instead of while cuddling.

Ethan casually brushed my arm as he made a joke. It came as natural as breathing to be together. We were so in sync that it scared me. Even with past boyfriends, I’d never experienced that. Was I foolish to not fight to keep it? To prioritize a job that brought me more stress than joy? For what? To make the payment for my fancy condo—a place more sterile than welcoming. So I could view Mount Hood and the Willamette River from the balcony I rarely used and knowI made it. When did my priorities get so out of whack?

It wasn’t my parents who pushed me into the career like Ethan’s had attempted. Ethan and my parents would’ve loved a child swap. My parents would’ve adored Ethan pursuing whatever interested him, while Ethan’s parents would’ve encouraged my drive. They would’ve loved how I’d worked too hard juggling varsity sports and club leadership positions back in high school to make my college applications shine while my parents preached about the dangers of burnout.

It became clear my job wouldn’t keep me warm at night, particularly since I’d found someone who managed to do that a night or two per week. The job wouldn’t help me in and out of the shower if I sprained an ankle, take me to doctor appointments, or hold me when the stress became too much. If it wasn’t for Hector, I would already be a cranky hermit.

Ethan laughed and said some punch line of a story I’d only been half listening to while lost in my head. God, I wanted to be with him for real.I need to tell him.Even if he wasn’t ready yet—which was fine—he would know I would wait for him. He was worth it.

A server circulated and told us to move out to the dinner tent. Dinner was more fun than I expected, thanks to Ethan. Work events were far more enjoyable with him there to whisper to and have silent conversations with.

As they began clearing plates, the president of the firm stood. “If I could have your attention.”

Everyone fell silent. “First, I’d like to thank Glen for hosting us tonight in your lovely home.” Polite applause filled the tent.

Ethan leaned into me and whispered, “I think one square foot of this place costs the same as a year’s tuition at my undergrad.” I chuckled.

“I appreciate our family dinners because that’s what Sullivan Brothers is—a family. Specifically, right now, the family is our current partners and rising stars.” He made eye contact with me and two other senior associates who had been invited. “The firm was built by a family. The three Sullivan brothers, then their sons, grandsons, and so on. Family is part of our legacy, our tradition.”

I started to tune out. I hadn’t been able to move past my frustration over their obsession with family. If I was named a partner, and I couldn’t make it work with Ethan, or if, god forbid, he didn’t even want to try, what would happen? I would be the single partner. Would the other partners treat me differently? Maybe I wouldn’t get invited to the Saturday morning golf games, or I’d get the shitty work. Would I eventually be pulled from consideration to become an equity partner? How far did the family obsession go?

I wanted to be valued based on my contributions. I wanted to earn partner because of my worth and what I could achieve for my clients—not whether or not I was lucky enough to meet someone willing to deal with me for the long-term.

When I started tuning in again, he was talking about the upcoming anniversary gala in a few weeks. “We plan to announce changes to the firm’s partnership. I know that’s always an anticipated highlight of the evening.”

Ethan squeezed my knee. I should have felt a competitive thrill that the finish line was in sight, but it didn’t come. Instead, I thought about Ethan’s hand on my leg and how badly I wanted to take him home and let him ravish me before holding each other until we fell asleep. Wake up and do it again, then have some coffee before he kissed me and dashed off to work. With dinner wrapping up, I excused myself. I wanted Ethan, and I would get him. At least for tonight.

I found the room where we’d stored our coats, pulled the small zippered pouch I’d kept in mine, and slipped it into the pocket of my dress pants. I located a guest bedroom with a bathroom attached that I recalled from a team luncheon last year. For privacy, I’d picked a bathroom farthest from the backyard. I locked the door behind me, kicked off my shoes, removed my pants, and draped them over the towel rack.

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