Page 60 of Eternal Hoptimist

Hector:People are talking about how cheerful you are

Parker:Am I usually not happy?

Hector:You’re happy but that’s different from cheerful. Ethan’s a big hit

Hector:Also the consensus among the plebs is you’re a shoo-in for partner this year!

* * *

I stood from my dining table and walked to the fridge to grab a bottle of Lipstick Lesbi-lager. I smiled as I sipped from the beer Ethan gave me when I went to Dahlia Springs a few days ago. I wanted a piece of him in my home, and the beer worked well enough.

I leaned against my counter and thought back to my visit. I enjoyed dinner with Ethan, Austin, and Caleb. Austin and Caleb were among my friends now. I never expected to click with so many people in Dahlia Springs.

Ethan smiled throughout dinner, which continued to the hotel room I’d rented, where he’d tried nipple clamps on me and introduced me to the joys of spanking. Which was fuckingamazing.I shifted on my feet while remembering the way my ass stung the next day. I wasn’t as sure about the nipple clamps, but I enjoyed trying new things. Finally knowing some of the kinks I liked and didn’t was the best high. One thing was for sure, I loved kink and couldn’t wait to keep exploring with Ethan. He created safety to try new things and the space to speak if something didn’t work for me.No judgments. No repercussions. No guilt trips.

I returned to my dining table and the million browser tabs I’d opened on my laptop while doing research for Rosie. We’d been back from Kansas for over a week. My final conversation with Rosie while Ethan showered our last morning loitered in my head. She requested that I give her some realistic options, including saving the house and selling while making demands since she was in a position of power for the moment.

I hadn’t shared that with Ethan. She’d asked me again not to and promised she would talk to him after she got more information. Basically, I stood between everything being out in the open. The faster I worked, the faster she would hopefully tell Ethan where her head was at, and I could ditch the guilt.

I hated being caught in the middle. Ethan was the one who’d asked me to help, but then Rosie did too. It wasn’t my place to get in between them and try to mediate their family dynamics. It was more complicated than I could ever understand. I knew he would understand since I was helping Rosie, but it made me uncomfortable. Especially with the growing connection between us still tenuous.

It was past dinnertime, and normally, I would prepare for the next day, catching up on email or finishing lingering work from the day. That was probably what Ishouldhave been doing instead of working on Rosie’s case, but I couldn’t stop myself. I’d forgotten how fulfilling it was to work with a singlepersonand directly influence their life instead of a company’s bottom line. I was grateful Ethan gave me an opportunity to remember.

I leaned back in my chair and smiled as I thought about him. I’d been doing that often over the past month. Something changed between us in Kansas. I hadn’t mentioned it, but it would be foolish to ignore it. We talked every day throughout the day. An endless conversation we picked up whenever one of us could stop and pay attention to our phones. I wasn’t sure about him, but I’d spent much more time paying attention to my phone lately. If it was simply an agreement for legal help in exchange for kink education and a fake boyfriend, we wouldn’t talk about our days and whatever meaningless topics that came up. Neither of us expected it or planned for it, but we’d become part of each other’s lives.

I couldn’t wait for Saturday when Ethan would join me for the dinner party at Glen’s house for all current and unofficial prospective partners. More specifically, I was excited for him to stay the night after.

It would almost be a real date, despite it being a work thing and part of our original agreement. Instead of making basic plans as we’d done for the fundraiser a few weeks ago, we talked about getting cheesecake on the way home and what I should cook for breakfast before he drove home. His not wanting to stay the night after sex hadn’t lasted long, and I sure as hell wouldn’t mention it because I loved waking up next to him.

Lying to my colleagues and supervisors made me feel like shit, but more than that—I hated lying to myself. I wanted it to be real but had no idea how to make it work. I didn’t need all the answers yet and told myself to be happy with any time we spent together in whatever way Ethan was comfortable with.

My phone buzzed. I smiled, hoping for Ethan on break, FaceTiming me from their office to chat. My mom’s face filled the screen.

“Hey, Mom. How’s it going?” I tried to sound chipper instead of slightly disappointed it wasn’t Ethan.

“Good, sweetheart. You got a few minutes?”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“I wanted to talk to you about your father’s birthday. Are you still joining us for the party?”

“Of course. I’m not going to miss Dad’s birthday.”

“I never know with your job. I know it’s difficult for you to do things sometimes.”

“Missing Dad’s birthday isn’t one of them.”

“Honey, you missed his birthday party last year,” she said gently.

My stomach tightened. I’d forgotten that last-minute negotiations before a bidding deadline meant we’d had to redo a bunch of our work the night before an offer was due. It’d been a late night. “I’ll be there. I promise.”

She sighed. It was a sigh heard many times before. It always preceded a lecture about work-life balance. “I’m worried about you with how much you work.”

“Mom, I’m—”

“Let me finish, Parker,” she said sternly. “I’m concerned you don’t have a life outside of your job. Isn’t that going to get worse if they promote you to partner? If all you do is work, where is the joy in your life?”

I didn’t know how to respond. She wasn’t completely off base, which hurt to admit. The harder I worked and the further I advanced, themoreI worked with the increased responsibility. It meant more stress and less time and energy to do other things. A vicious cycle. Why did I want partner so badly? I couldn’t remember a time I didn’t want it, but I lost track ofwhybeyond my drive and self-competitiveness.

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