Page 48 of Eternal Hoptimist

I was stunned silent for a moment. “I expected you to be pissed I didn’t tell you about this sooner.”

“Oh, I am, but it’s not like I always ran right home and told you about stuff going on with me and Caleb. To be fair, we give you tons of shit about your dating life, so I understand why you kept this one close to the vest for a while. But I swear to god, if I saw a picture of Parker on your IG story and you didn’t tell me he was in Kansas with you? I would’ve cut holes in your underwear.All of them.”

I laughed. “That’s exactly why I told you guys.”

Austin angled his head until it rested against the side of mine. “What if you stop worrying about the resolution and enjoy the time you have with Parker? You’re so damn focused on keeping your distance. Let things unfold instead of trying to lock someone down from the beginning. Try approaching it with curiosity, not certainty. People you date aren’t doing you a favor by dating you. You’re just as valuable and worthy as anyone else. Even more.” He knocked his foot against mine.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Even if I was willing to quickly dismiss my resolution, I knew it could never work between us. There was too much stacked against us, with logistics not being the least among those.

I didn’t want to risk hating him or making things awkward with his family. I wanted to stay friends with Parker because I genuinely liked him. He was the first person to make me feel like myself since I’d met my three best friends. Plus, we lived over an hour apart. That wasn’t an insurmountable distance on its own, but with his work schedule, likely promotion, and my schedule at the brewery, when would we see each other?

Even with Seth around to take more shifts, I still worked most evenings during Parker’s off time. At least until we had enough profit to hire more servers. During my mornings off, Parker worked. We would resent each other so quickly that it would crash and burn.

We were doomed to fail. For the first time, I wasn’t leaning into my naïve optimism and hoping it would work out anyway. I wanted to protect myself. I wanted to protect Parker. Well, assuming I could manage a miracle of going to Kansas with him, watching him interact with Rosie, and introducing him to the world of kink—all without falling in love.

CHAPTER 17

PARKER

Parker:Can you pull copies of the contract for the Butler deal and have it ready for me when I’m back on Monday?

Hector:As of an hour ago, you’re on vacation. Quit texting me about work stuff. Isn’t there something fun you can do with Ethan instead of harass me?

Parker:He’s on his way to Portland

Hector:Then play Candy Crush or something. I’m going to happy hour now. Byeeeee

* * *

With my ears hyper-focused on my surroundings, I noticed the hum of the ice machine down the hall, the click of a distant door, and a muffled conversation as people passed by the hotel room. Despite only wearing a jock and a tie covering my eyes, my body burned.

What should I do with my hands?I tucked my arms under my head for a few minutes, then stretched them along my sides, and eventually rested them on my stomach. Ethan should arrive any time.

Before stripping down, I’d filled the ice bucket and placed two bottles of water to chill as Ethan had requested. I’d draped my suit on the back of the nondescript office chair, tucked my suitcase in the closet, yanked off the hotel comforter, covered my eyes, and gotten as relaxed as my anticipation would let me. Then the waiting.

My stomach hadn’t fluttered so much since taking on my first client after law school.Finally,my first official foray into kink. I was excited. Nervous but excited. Ethan’s patience through our frequent texting and video chats and knowing he would be there to lead me gave me confidence. He knew how to make me comfortable and eager in a way I’d never experienced. I trusted him.

I still couldn’t believe I’d suggested the role-playing element. I didn’t know if I even enjoyed role-playing in a sexual sense. I’d done a fair amount of it in law school classes playing various roles in a courtroom and had loved and hated it in equal measure. Doing our first scene in a hotel room near the airport the night before our ass-crack-of-dawn flight to Kansas wasn’t the best timing, but pretending to be flight attendants who fucked whenever they were in the same city was too tempting to resist.

My ears perked at the ding of the elevator. The steady roll of wheels against the utilitarian carpet made my pulse pick up.Ethan.I wet my dry lips.I shivered when the door lock clicked, and I tried to stay still as he entered the room and made a soft humming sound deep in his throat.

I wanted toseeEthan—his expression—when he found me waiting for him, but I’d suggested I start with the blindfold on because I thought it sounded hot.

“You are so fucking sexy. It’s been too long since I found you like this.”

Squirming, I fought the urge to rip off the blindfold. At least the want in his voice was clear.

“Knowing you’d be waiting for me was the only thing that got me through my flights today. You wouldn’t believe the Karen I had to put up with.” He told the story of his fictional workday while I listened to the rustle of clothes.

I mumbled brief responses in appropriate places as I waited for him to dosomething. To touch me.Anything.Anywhere. I squirmed as I tried to shake the off-ness clouding my desire.

The bed dipped, and I jumped when Ethan’s warm palm slid up my shin.

“I’m going to make the best of the next few hours I have with you before your next flight.” He kissed the side of my leg, inhaling deeply when he reached my inner thigh.

My skin was tight as a vacuum-sealed bag around me. I didn’t like it. The sensation was fine, great even, but too impersonal. If not for recognizing his voice, he could’ve been anyone touching my most sensitive skin.

I thought about the traffic lights he’d taught me while trying to focus on him, the graze of his fingertips against the crease of my upper thigh. I gripped the sheets under me and pressed into the bed.

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