Page 58 of When Hearts Awaken

Images of the monster moving above me barged into my mind. The clinking of belts. Peppermint. The pain which morphed into something else—something I still can’t admit to myself to this day.

I feel dirty, disgusting, the throbbing in my pussy reminding me of my body’s betrayal that night. I need to get away, far away from him, from those monsters in my brain.

I’ll never be normal. I want to reclaim my sexuality, but is it a hopeless cause?I can’t think that way. Talk back to your fear, Taylor. This is a trauma response. You know that.

Dry heaving, I’m dizzy, sick to my stomach, as I put as much distance between myself and Charles. The words aren’t sinking in.

He quickly staggers to his feet and reaches for me. “Taylor, I didn’t mean… I thought you were, I—”

“Stop!” I scream. I hate the terror in my voice. I hate how I can’t seem to stand upright. “Stay back. Stay the fuck back!”

Charles stares at me in horror, his face completely leached of color. His hair is in disarray and I realize I must’ve mussed it up in the heat of passion just now. His throat works, his eyes brimming with guilt and regret as he holds hands up in surrender.

He must think I’m crazy. Pathetic. He must regret kissing me.

My eyes well with tears. A headache forms at the base of my spine as I try to blink away the evidence of my fear. I can’t cry. Not in front of him. Not in front of anyone.

Charles looks devastated. Completely gutted. The arrogance and mask nowhere to be seen. “Taylor, I-I’m sorry, I—”

I swallow and do my best to even out my breath. My hands itch. My fingers twitch, wanting to find a needle and plunge it into my thigh, to feel the pain I can control instead of these horrid emotions I decidedly can’t control.

“I don’t want to hear it.” I cut him off and spin around. I can’t take it if he stares at me in pity. If he takes one look at me and figures out how messed up I am.

My hands tremble as I gather my jacket from the floor. “This never happened.”

I dart past him, past the one man who was able to make me forget, just for a minute, the one person who made me feel normal. It terrifies me to the core.

Grief slams into me—the precious moment felt like a success, but then it was wrenched away.Progress isn’t linear. The words swirl in my mind over and over again. A sob chokes in my throat as I slam the door shut behind me, leaving him behind, my fingers swiping at the moisture pooling under my eyes.

I won’t cry. I can’t cry. I don’t want to fall apart again.

I’ll never fall apart again.

Chapter 26

The apocalypse is uponus.

At least, that’s my first thought when I open my eyes to the sound of loud pounding—a wrecking ball has slammed into my apartment.

“Shit,” I mutter, trying to sit up on my bed as a blistering headache unlike anything I’ve ever felt makes itself known.

The daylight streaming in from the windows is a bright beam straight into my eyes and I wince, the need to retch up the chicken noodle soup I had for dinner last night soon to follow. The world swirls around me, and sweat has soaked through my tank top and shorts.

I feel like I’m dying.

Pound. Pound. Pound.

The wretched sound is back. I clap my hands over my ears, but the motion hurts like a right hook to my face.

“Minx, open up! Open the damn door before I break it down!”

Huh?

I feel my forehead. It’s burning hot like the rest of my body. I must be delirious, hearing things. Because there’s no way—

“Taylor Peyton-Anderson! You’re in there. Open the fucking door. The doorman said he never saw you leave.”

Charles? What the fuck?

---