Page 20 of When Hearts Awaken

I pinch the piercing on top of my clit—more grounding pain. I crave it.

I curl up in the corner and bury my face in my hands. My eyes burn as much as my skin does. It’s like my chest is being torn apart fiber by fiber. My lungs rake in a deep inhale. I can breathe now.

Feel the pain. Welcome the pain. Purge your thoughts.

It’s just a flashback. You’re safe now.

I shudder and hold my knees tighter against me, all the while letting the hot water wash away my shame, my darkness, mourning a loss I thought I’d put behind me.

I remember a little girl falling in love for the first time, dreaming about a future where anything is possible.

I remember the warm embrace of a boy I thought loved me, not an ounce of fear inside me as I watch him brush a lock of hair from my face.

I remember dancing on the stage, donned in pure white, angelic with grace, as my instructor marveled at the beauty of my Odette.

Why did I react that way to Sir Ian? Was it him all those years ago? But he didn’t act like he recognized you.

My mind swirls in confusion—I don’t know what’s up or down anymore.

My immediate impulse is to quit everything and run away—to hide from all unpleasant memories and sensations. But as I breathe in the moisture in the shower and feel my muscles slowly relaxing, logic beckons at the door.

I’ve worked hard to get to where I am, one step away from reaching the pinnacle of my career. I don’t know what happened today and why I reacted that way, but until I know more, I can’t make rash decisions.

It’s okay. I have time. He isn’t coming for another year and a half. Maybe I’ll remember something by then. Maybe…maybe I’ll finally be able to put the past behind me.

Heaving out an exhale, I relish the scalding hot water lashing on to my skin.Focus on the pain.

“Fly, Harriet.”

I’ll never be able to fly again. My wings are clipped.

But I’ll survive, just like the black swan from Mom’s story.

Chapter 8

The sultry music thumpsin my ears. It’s an eclectic mix of jazz and hip-hop, sensuous and raw. I’m surprised to find myself actually enjoying the glitzy surroundings.

I take a sip of the carrot vodka flambé the bartender recommended when I first arrived at the rooftop bar in The Orchid for its invite only open house.

Grace settles next to me, a fruity drink in her hand. She eyes my cocktail and arches her brow. “Carrot again?”

“You know it.” I waggle my brow.

Shaking her head, she sighs. “I miss this, Tay. You and I never go out anymore. You’re busy with ballet and I’m busy with work.”

“And your boyfriend.” I snort, watching her flush a pretty pink. It’s almost sickening how much she and Steven are in love with each other.

I ignore the small twinge in my chest. It’s also very sweet.

“And Steven.” She chuckles.

“You know you have an open invite to watchStalk Me if You Darelater tonight!” I wink, knowing she’ll give me shit about it. “I can’t believe they made three back-to-back movies to be released one after the other. Marketing brilliance. Heaven is listening.”

Grace shudders in mock horror. “How are we even related? I like my swoony romance and you and your blood and gore.”

“It’s satisfying. Gets the heart pumping. What do you say? I’m ordering pizza like the old days.”

She laughs. “Ah, the good ol’ days. I always had to hide in the bedroom while you watched that crap. Call me if you want to watchThe Notebookafterward. That I can get behind.” She lets out a satisfied sigh. “Do you remember when we were kids, we’d walk past this building, wondering if we’ll ever get in?”

---