Page 123 of When Hearts Awaken

My heart throws itself against my rib cage, bloodied and battered. I finally make out the deep, raspy voice, the firm muscles I know intimately, the familiar notes of bergamot and cedarwood in the air.

Charles.

Sobs tear out of my throat, the manic phase of my mind quickly devolving into depression—a bottomless dark abyss. I’m sinking into the turbulent ocean, drowning under the moonless skies.

“I got you, minx. I always have you,” he chokes out as he curls me tighter against him. I feel his lips on my cheeks, my hair, my eyes, and I realize my face is wet with tears.

“Ph-Photos…there are photos,” I whisper as I turn around and bury my face against his chest. His rioting heartbeats are loud in my ear. “Th-They know. Everyone knows.”

“Shhh…I got you,” he rasps over and over again. “I’ll find the bastard. I’ll stop him. Fuck, when I find him, he’ll wish he were never born.”

Tremors rush through my body as I cry in his embrace. Chaos has taken over my mind, my pulse clamoring inside me, my breathing quickening as black dots form my vision. I can feel the monster’s touch on my body again. His weight. His sounds. His words.

His fucking scent of peppermint.

Desperate, I grab at Charles’s arms. I need to forget. I need more. I need everything.

“Charles? P-Please…Please…”

He tightens his grip on me, his eyes burning with anger and anguish. “What do you need? Please tell me what you need.”

“I need to forget.” I shake my head vigorously. “I f-feel him…them. I don’t want it. I need to forget it all. I need to get out of my mind!” I claw at his arms, my nails digging deeper as a fleeting thought takes root in my head.

Arching up to look at him, I whisper, “D-Didn’t you say you want to teach me pain can be pleasurable? Teach me. Make me feel pain. Get me out of my head!”

Charles stills, his muscles tensing. His eyes flare, and a muscle tics on his forehead. “What?”

The idea sounds better to me by the minute.Yes, this is what I need.

“What you did at The Sanctuary. I want to try it. I need it,please.”

A muscle pulses in his jaw. “A responsible Dom won’t start anything with a sub when she’s emotional. There are conversations to have. I need to know your hard limits, soft limits. We need to have safe words. I need to walk you through the process, the aftercare. BDSM isn’t something to try when you’re feeling this way, Tay.”

He’s rejecting me.

Somehow, the thought causes panic to seize my chest again. Is he regretting having a fuck up like me as a girlfriend?

I shake my head. “Please,” I beg him. “Please save me from myself. From the monsters, please!”

A few seconds of tense silence passes by, his sharp eyes trained on my face like he’s reading every single fear in my mind. “Are you sure? I need you to think through this. This can be triggering. Intense.”

The rioting voices in my mind quiet for a few beats—long enough for me to consider his words.I need this and I trust him.

Nodding, I rasp, “Yes. I am sure. I need this. Please, Charles.”

He intakes a sharp inhale and sets me in front of him before backing up a few steps.

“We won’t do anything hard or intense. Only light BDSM. Now, I need you to listen to me very carefully.” His eyes darken and I see a chill befall his features.

He’s becoming the Dom I saw that night at The Sanctuary.

A burst of relief floods me. He’s going to do this. He’s going to get me out of my mind.

I nod eagerly.

“Whenever we’re in a scene, you’ll call me Sir. Is spanking, pinching, biting okay for you?”

My pulse careens off a cliff. “Yes.”

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