Page 82 of The Bargain

She shook hers too. “He’s not -” She let out a snort. “He is most of those things, but not unfeeling, never unfeeling...quite the contrary actually. He’s tried very hard to stop feeling, but he can’t and it terrifies him.” She reached for my hand. “I don't know what he did to you and I’m sure it’s bad, but whatever he did, it was out of desperation and fear, that I’m sure.”

“Fear?”

She nodded. “Fear of the feelings you woke up in him, and as you know, fear makes you do things that are out of character.”

I frowned at her assessment. I didn’t know where she was going with this. Dean Beaumont was not a frightened man.

Lea put Timmy back in his stroller and turned toward me.

“Are you a liar, Amber?” “

“What?” I was taken aback by the question. “No, of course not.”

“I didn't think so. And yet, look how far into deception you went just out of fear of losing Timmy.”

“That’s not the same.”

“Isn’t it?” She cocked her head to the side. “Why is that?”

“Because - because” I looked at Timmy. “Because Timmy is a human being.”

She nodded. “Yes, but fear is fear, isn’t it? Can you actually put a scale on fear? Some are more irrational than others, true, but when you feel it, it doesn't matter does it?” She sat back down and adjusted her sunglasses. I felt like I was having an outdoor therapy session. “You can be scared of height and I could be scared of killer clowns.”

“That’s scary,” I admitted.

She chuckled. “I know. WatchingITwith Susan has been one of my biggest mistakes.” She waved her hand dismissively. “But that’s not the point. One fear is clearly much more irrational than the other and yet, for the person suffering from it, it feels just the same.”

I looked at her for a couple of seconds as she ate her sandwich.

I shook my head. “Are you always this wise?” I wasn’t sure I liked her argumentation and her ability to make me see things differently.

Wiping her hands on a napkin, she let out a dramatic sigh. “Yes, I am. It’s a cross I have to bear.”

Timmy shrieked, making grabbing motions at the ducks. Then he tapped his little fists on the plastic table inside his stroller.

“Ah, I think he’s had enough of us chatting. He wants the ducks now.” I stood up and started putting our empty plates in the trash can. Grabbing the bag of churros, Lea rested them against her chest. “Dude, I'm finishing these! I’m never allowed carbs and fats at home. Oh, and if you could forget we ate all this when you next see Susan, that would be super.”

“Ate what?” I asked with a wink

She laughed and nodded. “You and I, we’re going to be best friends.”

I hoped so. Lea was an amazing woman, who I knew would be good for Timmy and I.

I got the dry bread out of Timmy’s bag, Timmy shrieked again, wiggling in his seat.

Lea snorted. “Yep, he’s really like Dean. Demanding and impatient.”

I blushed under the sun. Demanding Dean...I’d enjoyed demanding Dean immensely. I'd enjoyed submitting to him even more than I’d thought was possible.

“Wow, girl, not sure why you’re blushing so hard, but I don’t think I want to know. Nope, definitely not.”

She chuckled. I liked how she didn’t judge me despite knowing my sexual preference. Lea Beaumont was a godsend.

“Do you mind?” she asked pointed at the stroller.

“No, please do,” I waved the zip bag. “I’m on bread duties anyway.”

We walked silently for a few minutes along the riverbank before stopping at a small cluster of ducks beside the wooden bridge.

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