Page 29 of Bittersweet Legacy

“Who?” I asked. Did he mean Antoine and his stupid compliments?

“Father.” He jerked his head towards the main hall where our father was laughing with an older man. “You don’t count for him, you don’t matter.”

I let out a humorless laugh. “Ah don’t I know it.” I looked up at him again and somehow saw him in a different light. Was he worried I would replace him? Was he so eager for our father’s validation that he was terrified to lose it? I shook my head. No matter what he did to me I wouldn't do that to him, it was clearly all he had in his life – father’s partial attention, I was more than happy for him to keep it for as long as I was here.

Archie sent a sceptical look my way but I didn’t have a chance to comment further as father walked briskly toward us. “You two, my office, now.”

Archie tensed but nodded sharply, turning with almost military precision to follow our father into his office.

Based on his reaction, and father’s command I understood that being called into his office was not a good thing. It did feel like being called in to see the principal.

We both stood in front of his desk as he took a seat.

He sighed, leaning back on his chair detailing us both, standing there.

“You were late,” he said to me, “Terribly so.”

I nodded. “I’m sorry.”Not really.

He clearly didn’t buy that. He turned toward Archie. “Your brother said he looked everywhere for you but you were nowhere to be found. Is this correct?” He was giving me a chance to come clean – maybe he was not as clueless as I thought he was or maybe he wanted to create a sibling feud, maybe he wanted us to fight for his praises. Well he was in for a disappointment.

“Yes, it is.”

Archie’s head turned sharply toward me, letting his mask of indifference slip.

Our father arched an eyebrow. “Is it? Are you sure?”

No father sorry to disappoint, I will not take the bait.I nodded “Yes, I didn’t feel like studying and went to the park for a walk – I lost track of time.” I forced a smile and patted Archie’s arm. “Archie’s not to blame.”

“You know I have no other choice than reprimand you for this Esmeralda – you’ve been on your best behaviour tonight and this is important, but this act of defiance, volunteer or not can’t go unpunished.” He sighed again with fake contrition. I knew he was enjoying the punishment part, he loved to make anyone suffer – show his superiority every chance he got. “I was considering giving you access to your devices again but I think I will hold on to them for at least another month.”

My stomach dropped. I had forgotten about that. Did he actually really consider giving them back to me? I doubted it and yet I had to do everything I could not to let the tears of frustration reach my eyes.Don’t show them Esme, don’t do it. I nodded. “I understand, father.”Nine months Esme, nine months and you’re gone.

He nodded but I could see the disappointment in his face – he wanted me to fight, he wanted to punish me more but I wouldn’t give him that.

I could feel Archie’s eyes on my profile but refused to look at him, somehow fearing he would see in my face something our father couldn’t.

“You’re excused,” William added, standing up and heading for the bar in the corner. “Archibald, stay.”

I nodded and left the room without another look or word. Once I exited the room, I let my mask slip, replaced by the despair I felt at not being able to talk to my dad, Ben, Juliet – anybody from my old life.

Sophia was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs.

“Oh Esme,” she whispered sadly, opening her arms to pull me into a hug.

I shook my head and brought my hand up to stop her – if she showed me any kindness now, I would break down, I would start crying and I feared I would never stop. “No, please.” My voice cracked. I took a deep breath. “Another day, OK?”

“It’s going to be OK,” she called after me as I went up the stairs.

I nodded absently trying to concentrate on the good things that happened today, Theo and his brother Mike – these were good things.

My mother’s journal was a good thing – an amazing thing. Something I could hold on to.

I changed into my pajamas and after ensuring the door was locked, I settled in the bed to read a bit more. I didn’t want to read too much too fast because I wanted the connection, the discovery, to last as long as possible. This was probably the only thing I’d ever get from my mother and the longer I could make it last, the longer I’d have something to look forward to. I was also an emotional wreck tonight – I couldn't deal with too much emotion.

This world is so different, a different planet. I used to see articles and videos about these socialites, this class so above my station it didn’t seem real. I even envied them – the Kennedys, the Rothschilds… it was all a facade, a beautiful veneer, and I learned within the first few years I’ve been a part of this world that, in reality, they were just as miserable as we were, as sad, as betrayed as hell… even more than we would be in the normal world. Friends are not friends, enemies… enemies are usually the same friends – there is no loyalty, no trust… no love. I have my children and I love them dearly but I have to admit and I’m sorry for this. If I'd known then what I know now I would have missed that debate trip, I would have never met William Forbes.

I closed the journal and slid it under my mattress. My mother was dead, my brother was a broken boy and my father was a sadistic bastard. I understood her, if she’d had been the kind soul Luke kept telling me she was, this world would have been her death, both physically and metaphorically. I couldn’t be mad at her for wishing nothing had ever happened, for wishing we weren’t born. I did feel her pain, her despair.

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