Page 93 of After All

Peyton wanted to do it all.

But she was having a hard time even watchingGrey’s Anatomyby herself.

She’d done it. She’d stayed home every night since Scott had left a week ago. She’d cleaned her house, detailed her car, mowed her lawn, studied and watched TV. By herself. Because she thought it was important that she be able to do that. She hadn’t even gone to the Come Again for the after-hours gathering that had become a regular thing now. She was…proving something to herself. Though she couldn’t have really explained what that something was now seven days later.

So she could clean out her own gutters. Big deal. She’d never had Scott do it because shecouldn’t. And the only reason he’d wanted to was because she wouldn’t let him do anything else for her—like make her laugh and make her feel safe and make her feelwanted. Gutters had been innocuous. Just like she’d called him when she’d had a flat tire and when she’d had too much to drink and when she’d almost been arrested in Vegas. Okay, that had been a bigger deal. But mostly she’d stuck with things that were straightforward. Things that would give her a Scott fix and that would make him feel like he was helping her out.

None of those things would ever be enough now.

No way could she be content to have him simply give her a ride home. Not even if he drove the long route to her house.

She wanted more than that from him. But the things she wanted were not innocuous. They were things like commitment and promises and a home and family. Things that would kill her if they went away or didn’t measure up. If he didn’t clean her gutters out adequately, it didn’t matter. She’d do it herself. But if he didn’t love her enough…

She kind of understood her mother now.

That was a scary thought, but if JoEllen really loved and wanted Dan, and she didn’t know how else to hang on to him, Peyton could kind of see why she’d become so needy. Maybe losing that independent part of herself was better than losinghim.

But that was where things were different with her and Scott. Scott wasn’t tempted by anything else. He wanted to give all he had to Peyton. Had wanted to for a long time and had stuck with it for far longer than anyone else would have.

And, even more, she knew that he needed something from her too. He needed her to want him around even when her gutters were clean and her tires were perfect and her blood alcohol level was zero.

That was the biggest difference between her mom and dad and her and Scott. Her mom and dadhadto be together. They were dependent on one another. Neither could really function without the other.

She and Scott just wanted each other.

They wanted to help each other out, fulfill the other one’s needs, sure. But even when everything was perfectly fine and they were both perfectly content, they still wanted to be together.

And she’d realized all of this about three days in.

Seven days had never seemed so long in her life. He hadn’t been able to call yet and had sent only one text two days ago that saidI’m thinking about you. She’d read that one message over and over about twenty times.

And now, watching all of these women with their friends and sisters-in-law and kids, she was pretty sure she’d just decided that she also wanted to have babies with the guy.

Wow, if that happened every time he left for a week, they were going to need a bigger house.

Peyton hadto clear her throat. “There’s nothing I need him to do,” she finally answered Tess. “I just want him here with me. And that’s ridiculous. He’s off doing important work and I’m fine.”

“But you want him here,” Tess said. “Yeah, that’s being in love. And it’s about time you fell into it with that guy.” Tess gave her a grin. “Just enjoy it, babe.”

“Peyton!” They were interrupted by Adrianne sweeping around the edge of the food table. “I hope you don’t mind, but I said that yes of course you’d be willing to plan Tom Franklin’s retirement party.” Adrianne gave her a big grin. “Lori said you should just take it over.”

“Really?” Mr. Franklin had been Peyton’s high school math teacher, and his wife was here at the shower today.

“Really,” Adrianne said. “Everyone loves this shower so much. And Emma has been telling everyone about what you did for her garden party. Lori said it would be a relief to turn the birthday party over to you. I swear, Peyton, you could throw a party for anyone in this town and get it exactly right.”

Peyton almost immediately saw the party table in her mind, with cookies in the shape of plus signs and pencils and even a calculator. But then she instantly realized that no way could they do cookies…they had to do pie. She grinned. She didn’t know if everyone would get the pie/ pi reference, but Mr. Franklin would. They could also have math-problem races on a giant blackboard as a game. He’d always loved story problems, of course, so she could come up with a few funny ones that starred him as the guy who was buying one hundred watermelons and seventy-three oranges and twenty-five mangos.

“I’m going to take that smile as a yes?” Adrianne said.

Peyton focused on her again. “Well, I do like to party,” she quipped with a big grin. “I’ve had lots of practice.”

* * *

After the shower, Peyton went home and tried to study for a little bit. But her mind wouldn’t focus. It kept wandering to the party for Mr. Franklin. To the point that she finally pulled out a notebook and jotted her ideas down. She sketched pictures, and wrote out some game ideas, and made a list of supplies.

And when she was done, she closed out of the website for the biology class and opened up her files from the classes she’d taken when she’d gone for an associate’s degree in business management. She hadn’t finished that program either. Because it hadn’t really meant anything to her.

Now, it suddenly did. Or maybe it wasn’t so sudden.

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