Page 89 of After All

She nodded. “I needed to know if I was the only one who saw that you needed more than Sapphire Falls.”

“I don’t,” he said firmly. “Everything I need and want is right here.”

“Am I the reason you haven’t been doing as much work with the task force?” she asked. “Have you been sticking around Sapphire Falls because of me and how much I get into trouble? And because I was giving you problems to fix?”

“I came back to Sapphire Falls because I was burned out,” he said. “I told you that.”

“Yes.” She crossed her arms. “But you didn’t tell me what’s kept you here after you got over the burnout.”

“Maybe I’m not over it.”

“You are. You want to go to North Dakota. I know you do. I know the work is hard, but the other night when we were talking about it, I could see how much it means to you.”

He didn’t answer that.

“So if you’re over the burnout, why aren’t you going back?”

“I like it here. I want to take care of Sapphire Falls.”

“Okay. But we don’t need you twenty-four-seven three-sixty-five, Scott. This isSapphire Falls. You can go and do the other stuff too.”

“Youneed me twenty-four-seven three-sixty-five,” he finally said. “You don’t have anyone else like that in your life. That’s me. That’s my job.”

She frowned harder.

“Hell, I fell in love with you, Peyton. I want to be here. With you. Is that really so bad?”

She just looked at him for a long moment. But finally she nodded. “Yeah, that is so bad.”

“What?”

“Well, first of all, I don’t love that this is the way you tell me you love me.”

He grimaced. Yeah, okay.

“And second of all, and maybe more importantly, I don’t love hearing that you loving me is keeping you from doing other things you’re passionate about. Things that other people need you to do. You can’t stay here in Sapphire Falls all the time because you’re afraid to leave me. You can’t do something that’s only partially fulfilling becauseIdon’t have my shit together.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“But it’s true,” she said. “You’ve been staying here, not going on longer operations, because you’re afraid that at some point I might need somebody and you’re worried that no one else will be there for me.”

He sighed. “Yeah. Kind of.”

She didn’t say anything for a long moment. Scott sat, watching her, trying to read her expression. Damn, this had gotten fucked-up fast. He knew it sounded pathetic that he’d wanted to stay close to take care of her. But he’d promised to be there for her. Any time. He couldn’t fulfill that promise if he was hundreds of miles away undercover and not answering his phone.

“I can’t be the reason that you’re not doing everything you can and want to do,” she finally told him. “I’ll admit that I’m part of this problem. I watched my momneedmy dad and my dad respond to that. It seemed to make him happy. So, I did the same things, trying to get his attention. It didn’t really work with him. But it worked onyou. And I loved having your attention so I didn’t change it. But, I don’t want to be like my mom and dad. My dad is there because she needs him. Not because he wants to be, but because he feels obligated. I don’t want that from you. I want you with me because you choose to be. Not because you feel like you can’t leave me and you feel responsible. I don’t want to be nothing but troub—trouble, for you.”

She stuttered over the word and Scott felt like his chest was cracking in two. “Peyton, I never meant that like that.”

She pressed her lips together and nodded. Then she blinked hard and said, “I know.”

“Iwantto be with you, Peyton. Jesus, I’ve never wanted anything more in my life.” He could feel the need todosomething coiling in his gut, but he had no fucking idea what to do. Besides lay his heart on the line.

“Then go to North Dakota.”

He sucked in a breath. Why did he feel like if he left, he’d lose this? Her?

She wet her lips and then said, “And I’m going back to my house.”

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