Page 43 of After All

“We’ll sleep after the business is up and really running,” Mitch said. “For now, we’re taking on every project we can, and Derek’s promised to keep the coffeepot on.”

“Ooh, coffee,” Peyton said. She turned to Derek. “As long as you guys are going to be here anyway, do you mind if I take one of your tables? I have some work to do and my house is too quiet.”

“And Scott’s house is too full of Scott?” Derek guessed.

“Something like that,” Peyton agreed without elaborating.

Fortunately, Derek Wright wasn’t really an elaborating kind of guy. “Sure, whatever you want. As long as Mitch’s music doesn’t bother you.”

Mitch gave her a grin as he crossed to crank the volume on his beat-up radio that was covered with paint splatters, glue and what almost looked like tar. Classic AC/DC spilled out, and Peyton nodded.

“I can live with that.”

It wasn’t often that these four walls heard anything that wasn’t country, which Peyton appreciated, but she could handle classic rock.

This music made her think of her dad, and the music he listened to while he messed with their car in the driveway or did yard or housework when she’d been growing up. Stupid, considering everything between her and her parents, but it made her a little nostalgic and tightened her chest. Probably because when Dan had been doing that kind of work, he was truly happy. He smiled and would sing along and would beckon Peyton off the top porch step and teach her about motors and weeding and gardening and fixing shutters and cleaning out gutters and all of the things he did to keep the house up. And to avoid being cooped up inside.

Winter had been the worst—fewer outdoor projects and weather that made it tough to be out anyway. He’d worked in his little shop in the basement, but he hadn’t been able to crank up the music and sing along inside. Outside, he’d been in control—mowing the lawn in perfect lines, planting the tomatoes in perfect rows, keeping the house painted and fixed up and looking nice.

Because inside, things were…chaotic at worst, unpredictable at best. He could control things and keep them neat outside. Inside, he couldn’t do any of that. Either Jo was depressed and in bed, sometimes for days, and they kept quiet and tried to keep things peaceful; or she was manic and excited—which could go from her suddenly wanting to paint the kitchen pink to her not sleeping for a couple of days at a time.

Peyton never had been convinced that she and her dad really handled Jo well in any of her swings, but they did what they could to try to help. Sometimes she let them. Sometimes she threw plates.

There was certainly never a dull day, which made Peyton wonder, not for the first time, if that was why she had a hell of a time sitting still, being quiet and just…being.

“Well, make yourself at home,” Derek said, waving to the front. “Mi bar-o es su bar-o.”

She laughed. “I don’t think that’s how you say that in Spanish.”

He gave her a wink. “El café está en el frente.”

She got that one. The coffee was in front. She poured a cup and took her favorite table. It was the perfect distance between the bar and the stage where people performed live once a month, and she always took the chair where she could see the door—and the people coming and going.

She opened her computer, took a deep breath, and opened the nursing school site.

She was going to do this. She was going to take the classes.

An hour later, Peyton yawned. She realized that she hadn’t even finished her cup of coffee and it was after one a.m. She needed to get to Scott’s. He was very likely deep asleep, but if he woke up and she wasn’t there, he’d worry.

A warmth spiraled through her with that thought. It was nice to think that someone would worry when she wasn’t home. Or even notice, for that matter. And maybe even more than that, he’d be disappointed she wasn’t there. Peyton smiled as she packed up her stuff, dumped out the cold coffee, and said goodnight to Derek and Mitch.

She wasn’t a big fan of going home, usually. Growing up, she’d purposefully spent extra time at school—not necessarily studying or participating in chess club, but there were always activities going on until well after dinnertime. And detention worked too. She’d become a cheerleader, not because she was full of pep and school spirit exactly, but cheerleading practice, games, and weekend clinics and competitions kept her away from home. She’d also spent a lot of time at friends’ houses, and when girlfriends weren’t around or available, boyfriends always were. Sure, she’d done more kissing with the boyfriends, but that was a small price to pay.

Now, as an adult, she didn’t like going home any more than she had as a kid. Her house was dark and empty. So, the Come Again, the bakery, and again, friends’ places and boyfriends’ houses were her go-tos. She was even kind of looking forward to Hope having her baby so that Peyton could babysit. That would be a great excuse for hanging out at their place.

But going to Scott’s was a whole new thing. Going to Scott’s didn’t feel just like a way of avoiding being home alone. She had a reason for being there. He needed her. And, yeah, it felt nice to think that he wanted her there. Her friends and boyfriends always liked to see her, of course. She was welcome in any of their houses anytime, really. But Scott wanted her in a way that no one else ever had. And while it worried her at times, and drove her a little crazy, it mostly made her feel special and cared for.

She could definitely feel how risky this was. Already. The more time she spent with him and the more she liked it, the needier and more dependent she could get.

Peyton scowled as she pulled into Scott’s driveway. She did not want to be someone Scott took care of because she couldn’t handle being alone or function without someone looking out for her. And he would do that. Just as she’d told Heather on the phone. Scott took care of people. He especially felt compelled to take care ofher.

They could both get sucked into this never-ending circle of neediness.

But, she could make sure that didn’t happen. Probably. Maybe. One thing her mother had never done was take care of Dan. Their relationship was sadly one-sided.

Maybe if Peyton was taking care of Scott too, then all of that dependence and clinginess wouldn’t happen. Or it would happen equally. But she needed to work on making her side equal. Then that would be okay, wouldn’t it? He went to Kyle’s tonight, she’d started her nursing classes, and now they were going to spoon all night in bed.

She could just ignore the part where she’d been disappointed that they weren’t spending the evening together. She’d get over that. Next time, he’d hang with his friends and she’d spend time with hers, and it would be normal and not needy at all.

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