Page 67 of After All

He sighed. “Some of it. But it’s not something we ever felt like we really got in front of.”

“But…” She put her hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes. “This is happening here?”

“It happens everywhere. But not Sapphire Falls,” he said firmly. “Never here. I’ll make sure.”

“But nearby.”

“Too nearby.”

“And why did you leave it?”

“Burnout,” he said with a deep breath in and out. “The cruelty, the devastation, the trauma…it was a lot to deal with. I still jump in on special ops.” His chest tightened thinking about the invitation from Lance. He wasn’t sure he could say no. But he wasn’t sure he could say yes either. “But I’m not doing it full time,” he went on. “And I haven’t done any undercover work in a long time.”

She looked at him for several beats. Then she leaned in and wrapped her arms around his neck and put her face against his shoulder. And she just hugged him.

Scott slowly felt the tension ebbing out of his neck and shoulders. He moved his hands to her back again, pressing her closer. He took a big breath in, the scent of cinnamon lifting from her hair and enveloping him. And he closed his eyes and just held her.

Peyton ran her hands up into his hair, then back down, stroking his neck. Her breath warmed his skin through his shirt, and he slowly became aware of everywhere they were touching, from her butt on his lap, to her breasts against his chest, to her hair against his cheek.

She fit against him perfectly.

“Most of the time, I love the things about Sapphire Falls that you were talking about before,” he said, almost before he realized he was going to speak. He sounded like he was pushing his voice past sandpaper. “I love the festival and the holidays and the celebrations. I came back here because of things like that—the happiness and joy.”

“But?” she asked softly.

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel right,” he admitted. “There’s so much darkness. So many horrible things going on. It feels like partying, when there are people…kids…being kept as slaves. I mean, bound to these people emotionally and financially in a way that takes away any hope for anything else.” He pulled in a breath. “And people hurting each other and killing each other. Sometimes it just feels like the parties are sacrilegious or something. Or we’re naïve here, thinking thatthisis real life. Like we’re not taking things seriously enough. Like we should be putting that time and money and effort toward something else. Something more important.”

Peyton didn’t say anything at first, and Scott just worked on moving air in and out of his lungs. That was enough for right now. He couldn’t charge out there and save the entire world tonight. Or any night. He could only do his part in his corner of the world. And pray that others were doing their parts in the other corners. He knew that. The therapist he’d seen just before moving back to Sapphire Falls had talked to him about that at length.

Was North Dakota in his corner? And even if it wasn’t, was there someone in that corner to do it? And if not, then he should do it. Right?

He couldn’t stop the thought swirling in his head and cursed Lance for calling and stirring up his conscience.

Finally, Peyton lifted her head and looked at him. “I don’t think it’s sacrilegious,” she said. “And I don’t think we’re naïve. We’re not having celebrations and having fun and making the holidays a huge deal because we think the whole world is this bright, wonderful place with unicorns running around pooping rainbows.”

Scott gave her a half smile.

“We do it because we know the world isnotthat. We do it because the world can be a horrible, hard, hurtful place,” she said. “We do it because if there are no parties, no balloons, no peppermint hot chocolate, no zombie paintball wars, then what the hell is the point?”

He felt her fingers digging into his shoulders and realized she was feeling the wave of emotions he was. God…if he hadn’t loved her before, he did now. She made him believe all of that. Hell, she almost made him believe in rainbow-pooping unicorns.

“We’re fighting the hate and the cruelty and the pain by proving that people can still care about each other, people can still put aside their differences and their worries to have a Leprechaun Launch on St. Patrick’s Day or drink a love potion on Valentine’s Day or get together to stitch an American flag big enough to cover the gazebo like a tent on Memorial Day, just because it feels good. We watch old movies on the side of city hall every Saturday in the summer, and we bring in a Ferris wheel once a year, and we have hayrack rides in the fall because that’s how itshouldbe, and by God, we’re not going to let the bad guys take that away or make us forget.”

Scott stared at her, a million thoughts going through his mind. But first and foremost was the realization that she was absolutely right, and he loved that she knew all of that even better than he did. And that he needed to go to North Dakota.

“And that’s why I stayed here,” she said, her voice quieter. “Because yes, this is my place. This is the place that is good, and happy, and right, in spite of it all. This is the place that was outside my front door every time I left the house. Walking out my front door wasn’t just an escape. Here, it made me a part of something bigger and better.”

Scott swallowed hard. Then he wrapped his arms around her, brought her in, and kissed her.

But this time there was no liquor, no tongues, and he slipped his hands under her shirt and re-hooked her bra.

Then Peyton drove them home. And for the first time, Scott was fully conscious when she slipped into bed next to him, and he pulled her up against his side.

“I want inside this house to be as good as outside,” he said, gruffly against her hair.

And he felt her kiss his shoulder in response and he knew in his soul that it would be. As long as they were in it together.

Chapter Ten

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