Page 61 of Fractured Trust

Adjusting her glasses, the therapist gave Summer a warm smile. “Now, Summer, I know what you told Claire on the phone when you made your appointment, but how about you tell me in your own words what it is I can help you with.”

Summer wet her dry lips and shifted in her chair. “Okay. Well, I suppose you could say I have… trust issues, which have caused me to, I guess, sabotage relationships. I’m worried if I keep going this way, I’ll never be able to have a long-term, loving relationship.”

Dr. Jameson nodded. “You’re doing the right thing, Summer. Trust is a vital component of any healthy relationship, and it’s something that no one but you can do anything about. Acknowledging that it’s up to you to fix it is the first step in addressing the issue.”

She wrote something in her notebook, then looked back up at Summer. “Now, can you tell me a little about your previous relationships and how you think your issues have impacted them?”

Summer took a deep breath and hesitantly explained what had happened with Noah and Deacon. About what had happened when she and Noah had reconnected. And how it had ended. With further prompting from Dr. Jameson, she also opened up about what had happened between her parents.

She’d never spoken in detail to anyone about how her parents’ divorce had made her feel. She’d told Noah the bare bones of what had happened, but she’d never revealed to anyone, not even her mom, what she’d overheard. Summer was taken aback when tears began to trickle down her cheeks as she spoke. She tried to brush them away. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, embarrassed to be crying about something that had happened so long ago.

Dr. Jameson handed Summer a box of tissues, her expression sympathetic. “Don’t apologize, Summer, it’s quite normal to react this way when you relive an emotional trauma. And don’t mistake me, what you experienced as a childwasa trauma.”

Summer wiped her nose, and the doctor gave her a kind smile. “The most important thing I want you to know is that your reaction to what happened with your parents is not unusual. It’s extremely common for children such as yourself, that have been impacted by infidelity, to experience issues with intimacy and trust. It’s actually regarded as one of the sleeper effects of parental infidelity. And as you discovered, the worst effects often only manifest when you first start trying to form intimate relationships yourself. The desire to avoid going through the same pain you witnessed your mother going through means that subconsciously you’ll do whatever it takes to protect yourself from being similarly vulnerable. Does that all make sense?”

“Yes. It does. It makes me feel less… broken, I suppose, to know that feeling this way is not uncommon.”

“Not uncommon at all. But that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.” She looked at Summer over the top of her glasses. “What you need to keep in mind though, Summer, is that as impossible as it might feel sometimes, youalwayshave the option to trust. Even if you’ve experienced betrayal before. But building trust requires a lot of time, commitment, and, most importantly, vulnerability. You have to make a conscious decision to let yourself be vulnerable—to accept the possibility of getting hurt—so that you can stop constantly trying to protect yourself from it. Eventually, as you spend more time with a partner, you’ll be able to keep building on the solid foundation you’re creating, and the safer you’ll feel.”

Summer nodded, drawing her lower lip between her teeth. Dr. Jameson regarded her steadily. “Do you have any questions about anything I’ve said so far?”

She let out a breath. “It all makes sense. And I want to be able to do it. But I’m not sure how to stop myself from overreacting to every little thing that happens.”

“Yes, of course. It all sounds easy in theory, not so easy in practice.” Dr. Jameson tapped her pen on her notepad. “The first thing you need to do is recognize that the various unconscious strategies you’ve developed over the years to cope with your anxiety aren’t healthy ones. They don’t actually protect you from pain.”

Summer let out a watery laugh. “No. They don’t.”

“Realizing that means you’re more likely to recognize when you’re employing those ineffective strategies. Then you’re able to replace them with more effective ways of managing your anxiety. It might sound trite, but this is where practicing mindfulness can be incredibly helpful. It can help keep your anxiety at bay by making sure you’re grounded in the present moment instead of worrying about a future where youmightget hurt. Make sense?”

Summer swallowed the lump in her throat, hope unfurling in her chest. “Yes.”

“So, what you and I are going to do, Summer, is work toward stopping your knee-jerk reaction of panicking and breaking things off when something triggers your anxiety. Instead, you’ll use the various mindfulness strategies we’ll go through to allow yourself to take a breath, a pause, to think things through. Then you’ll be able to assess the situation rationally and continue making a conscious decision to trust. In that way, one day at a time, you’ll be able to hold on to the person you want to be with long enough for real trust to develop.”

She smiled at Summer. “Does that sound like a good way forward?”

Relief sang through Summer’s veins; a smile brimming with hope tugging up the corners of her mouth. “Yes. It does.”

Chapter 32

Two weeks had passed, two sessions with Dr. Jameson. It was far too early to say whether it was helping, but at least now Summer had hope. Hope that she could open herself up to trust. Hope that one day, she’d be able to see the love in a man’s eyes and let fear go.

Along with starting therapy, after a discussion with Eden, Summer had registered to begin online college classes in Public Relations, majoring in Community Relations, something that would help with her work and give her the qualifications she’d always wanted.

Noah’s messages had continued. He’d started sending more photos, too. Sometimes of all four of them, sometimes just of him. She loved getting them, was often desperate just for a glimpse of him. She’d asked Dr. Jameson about what she should do, but her therapist didn’t see a problem with Summer keeping in touch with Noah, as long as it wasn’t upsetting her. And as long as neither of them was leading the other on. Since neither of them had ventured past friendly banter, Summer figured that as much as it hurt, they both understood the situation hadn’t changed.

So, when her phone rang late one evening as she was sitting up in bed reading, she stared in shock at the name flashing on the screen.

Her hands shook as she answered. “Noah, is everything okay?” she asked, breathlessly.

“Yeah, just in the elevator heading back to my room. Thought I’d call and see what you’re up to tonight.” His voice was relaxed, though a thread of exhaustion ran through it.

“You’re not on the bus tonight?”

“No, we’re staying at a hotel.”

“That’s good that you’re getting a break.”

“Yeah, we need it.” He exhaled heavily. “So, what are you up to then?”

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