Page 57 of Fractured Trust

She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him, laying her cheek on his chest. She could hear the double-time thump of his heart under her ear as his arms automatically went around her. He pressed his lips to her the top of her head, and she spoke into his chest. “I love you, Noah. I will always love you. But I don’t love who I become when I’m with you. And that’s on me, not you. And I don’t want you to change who you are for me. That’s not the answer. As much as it kills me to say it, I know there’s someone better out there for you, and I have to let you go so you can find her.”

He jerked back from her, fury tightening his features. “That’s bullshit, Summer. You’re just scared, and you’re refusing to face your fears. I know it’s hard, but you need to at least try. You can’t keep running away. At some stage, you’re going to have to stand your ground and fight for what you want—what you love.Whoyou love.” His body was rigid, his jaw tight, but his eyes were pleading.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, “There’s too much at stake.”

Noah’s eyes shuttered, his face wiped of all expression. “That’s when you know it’s something worth fighting for. But that’s okay, Summer. I think you’ve made your feelings clear. I’ll let you go. I’m not about to keep fighting for someone who won’t fight for me. Maybe you’ll be able to find another Deacon to waste the next eleven years of your life on. Someone you don’t have to be brave for because you don’t love them enough to care.” He stared at her, the ice in his gaze chilling her to the core.

Summer wrapped her arms around her stomach and swallowed against the harshness of his tone. She guessed she deserved that, although it didn’t make it any easier to hear. Didn’t he know she was doing this for him? Noah lived and breathed drumming; she couldn’t have him offering to throw it all away because of her and her insecurities. She’d never live with herself.

So instead of flinging herself at him and begging him to forgive her, to take her in his arms and keep her forever, she simply took deep breaths in and out, in and out, willing her legs to work, willing them to turn and take that first step away from him.

And eventually, they did.

Chapter 29

The roar of the crowd was distorted; the sound almost muffled—as if he were wearing noise-canceling headphones. Noah’s gaze scanned over the stands, cell phones lighting up the sea of fans, mouths open as they roared their appreciation. Normally he’d be soaking it all in, letting the energy fill him until adrenaline pounded through his veins. But nothing seemed to be able to penetrate the invisible barrier that had formed around him two weeks ago when Summer had left him for the second time.

He felt numb.

Noah slammed his sticks into the cymbals with an explosive crash to end the song. He lifted his shirt and wiped the sweat off his forehead to the screams of the women in the crowd as he flashed his abs. He grinned, but it felt more like a baring of his teeth than anything remotely resembling a smile. Reaching for the bottle next to his drum kit he took a hit of bourbon just before the next song started. He almost missed his cue, and Connor shot him a look. Staring back coolly, Noah let himself fall into the music again, letting it carry him away to a place where all that existed was the rhythm and the beat and the alcohol burning in his veins.

When they finally left the stage following their encore, he almost tripped over a cord snaking across the floor, barking out a humorless laugh. Connor dropped back to walk next to him. “What are you doing, man? You’re too old to be screwing around like this.”

“You’re right,” Noah said, staring straight ahead.

He could feel Connor’s green eyes boring into the side of his head. “Okay…. So, are you going to pull your head out of your ass?”

He shrugged. “Probably not.”

Connor grabbed Noah’s arm and stopped, forcing him to stop, too. “I know you’re in pain, but you need to sort yourself out. You’re not doing anyone any favors by fucking up like this. You’re hurting yourself and you’re hurting the band and you’re doing a massive disservice to the fans. And it’s not going to change a goddamn thing except to make you hate yourself.” He jabbed his finger into Noah’s chest. “Sort. It. Out.”

He turned and stalked off.

Noah rubbed his chest, then rolled his shoulders and kept walking. What did Connor know about it? He was married to a woman who was crazy about him. His gaze fell on Tex, striding a few steps in front, and he scowled. And fucking Tex, smugly in love with Noah’s own sister; he was just as bad. He met Zac’s eyes and raised his brows. Zac stared back at him, his expression impassive except for the slightest narrowing of his eyes. Feeling uncomfortable for the first time, Noah looked away. Time for a shower and the after party. Just what he needed to take his mind off everything.

* * *

Noah drained the last of his third beer, handing the empty bottle off to his bodyguard, Will, who said nothing, his expression so carefully neutral it was almost insulting.

“Whatever,” Noah mumbled under his breath. He’d already signed his autograph for most of the fans, joking and laughing, although his smile was so fixed his cheeks had begun to hurt. His head thumped and the cloying scent of perfume and alcohol was making his stomach roil.

Another woman approached him, eyes wide and excited. She was pretty, looked a bit like Summer. Noah’s heart picked up its pace as he took in her long reddish-blonde waves. Her eyes were blue instead of green, but they were a similar pale shade. She shyly handed him a t-shirt to sign, which he did, handing it back with a wink. It didn’t surprise him when she pulled out her phone and asked for a photo. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her against him as she held her phone up to get them both in frame.

Noah’s hazy gaze took in the picture the two of them made on the screen. If he squinted, he could almost pretend it was Summer standing next to him. The angry, hurt part of him wondered whether he’d be able to keep right on pretending if he invited her up to his room after the party.

Strangely enough, that thought cleared the drunken fog from his mind, and nausea rolled through him again. Summer might have hurt him; he might be furious with her, but he knew there’d be no pretending this time. He wasn’t a fucking kid anymore, lonely, and heartbroken, and dropped into the middle of the rock star life with nothing to anchor him. Reverting to the same coping strategies he’d used last time he’d lost her wasn’t going to help. Just like it hadn’t helped back then. If he did what he’d briefly drunkenly contemplated, his self-disgust would probably send him into a spiral he might never pull out of.

He let the woman go, giving her a last smile and turning away, catching Zac watching him again, his hazel eyes assessing. Noah stiffened his spine and crossed his arms over his chest.

“What?” he growled.

Zac shook his head and Noah thought he wasn’t going to answer. He was surprised when the bassist rubbed his hand over his face and muttered, “What the fuck is wrong with you guys?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Zac sighed. “You know what, maybe you need to figure this one out on your own.” He thumped his empty beer bottle down on the table next to Noah and stalked off.

Noah scowled after him. What the fuck was his problem? He wasn’t the one whose woman didn’t want him. He wasn’t the one who was faced with being alone for the rest of his life or resigning himself to random, meaningless hookups.

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