Page 56 of Fractured Trust

But Summer stiffened in his arms and pulled away. Confused, he looked down at her stunned expression, her eyes wide and face pale.

“What?” he asked, his brows drawing together at the fear in her eyes. “Summer, what is it?”

“Noah… Please tell me that was a joke.”

Quitting drumming?He rubbed the back of his neck. “No, I’m serious. I don’t want to do this without you anymore. But that’s a good thing, right? You’re more important to me than drumming.”

Summer shook her head wildly. “No, Noah, that’s not good. That’s not good at all. I— I don’t want that. You love playing the drums. It’s your life. It’s who you are. I don’t want to be responsible for taking that away from you.”

She pushed herself off him and stood in a rush, waves of anxiety rolling off her. Noah jolted up off the couch and reached for her arm. An answering tension gripped his spine, sending a dull ache through his skull. He’d screwed this up somehow, and he had to make it right. “Summer, don’t worry about that. We just need to concentrate on making this work.”

But she shook her head again, her hands fisted at the hem of her shirt. “No Noah, this is a bad idea. I don’t want to risk your career; I couldn’t bear it. I think… I think maybe we should just stop this. Now. Before we get in any deeper.”

Ice flooded his veins. “Fuck no. We both want this, Summer. You’re being irrational right now.”

Her eyes flashed back up to meet his, wide and anguished. He realized that he’d said the wrong thing. Again. “I’m sure I probably am. But that’s the problem, Noah. Iamirrational about this. I don’t trust myself to make the right decisions when it comes to you. Not after what happened last time. And I can’t handle the pressure of your career riding on my ability to deal with something I’ve already proven that I can’t.”

“You had Deacon fucking whispering in your ear the whole time. This time, you’ll have Eden and Lexie to help. And you’ll have me. I won’t drop the ball like I did last time. I’ll be there for you every day while I’m away.”

But she just kept shaking her head again, mouth trembling, eyes shuttering. He knew he was losing her. Adrenaline pumped through him, and he thought he might fucking scream at how this had somehow gotten away from him. “Summer, for fuck’s sake. You came here to tell me you wanted to try to make this work. Forget what I said. I take it back, okay?”

Her wide, green eyes met his, and the resolution in them sent ice skating down his spine. She tugged herself out of his grip.

“I’m sorry, Noah. I need to go.”

Chapter 28

Summer’s heart thundered in her chest. Her whole body in fight-or-flight mode. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t be responsible for the future of his career. Not with her bad track record of making assumptions and hurting him. There was no way she could risk his drumming. She wasn’t worth it. Her mouth trembled and she turned away.

Noah grabbed her arm again, swinging her back toward him. “Look at me, Summer. Just stop and look at me!”

He gripped her other arm and pulled her close. Pain and anger blazed brightly in his eyes as she stared up at him, her heart slamming against her ribs.

“Don’t do this. Not again. I love you. I havealwaysloved you. Even when I thought I’d never see you again, I couldn’t stop loving you. You are all I’ve ever wanted. All I willeverwant. You just need to trust me. I don’t want anyone else. I willneverwant anyone else.”

Noah dropped his hands from her arms and speared them through his hair. “You’re it for me, Summer. I’m sorry if I scared you by telling you I’d give up everything for you, but it’s the truth. I need you to know how much you mean to me. And if that involves removing myself from a situation that makes you uncomfortable, then that’s what I’ll do. I just need you to give me a chance. I think I deserve that.”

Sorrow welled up in Summer, vast and seemingly bottomless. She’d thought she could be brave enough, but she’d been fooling herself. And now her cowardice was hurting him again. God, why couldn’t she be a better person for him, a more trusting person? And the saddest part of all of this was that it wasn’t him she didn’t trust right now, it was herself. Tears overflowed her eyes and dripped down her cheeks.

“God, Noah, you deserve… so much more.”

“I deserveyou,” he said, voice fierce.

Tears clogged her throat, blurred her vision. “I wish I could be the woman for you. But I can’t. I can’t. I’m too insecure, too needy. I would never forgive myself if I took drumming away from you, it’s who you are.”

Noah was shaking his head. “Don’t do this, Summer. Not again. We’ve wasted too much time already.”

The pain coating his words burned her nerves, seared her heart. She could barely speak past the glass-shard-encrusted lump in her throat. “I can’t do this to you. And I can’t do it to me. We’re just not meant to be. We’re not compatible.”

“Bullshit. We’re compatible in every way. You just need to trust me. Why the fuck can’t you just trust me?”

She looked at him helplessly. Unable to explain how she could love him so much, so completely, and yet know that once he was away from her, that insidious little voice in her head would take over. The one that told her that he wouldn’t be able to resist once he was surrounded by all those women throwing themselves at him. Memories sparked in her head. Memories of words spoken that still made her chest feel tight. Even now. Even after all these years.

And one that clawed at her harder than the rest.

I thought he loved me! I thought I was enough for him. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t enough…

Summer sucked in a sharp, pained breath. Because that was the true fear, wasn’t it? That just like her mom, she wouldn’t be enough. Not enough to hold his interest forever. And the fear of finding the truth of that out one day would overcome her, and she’d let it destroy them again. She refused to do that to him. She was going to let him go to live the life he loved. The life he’d been living and loving before she came crashing back in and ruined everything.

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